A random post of sorts

     It's about time that I start blogging again I've stopped a few years back working full time, events in my life also changed; I've also put my marriage in a not so healthy place. And this year most individuals either have lost their jobs, moral is down and couples are finding themselves in places they don't want to be in.

    The last post I had posted was on CH's blog telling everyone that I was happy, our marriage was in a good place, I was finally employed after being employed in various jobs. Not knowing there would be changes and circumstances that would have me evaluating my entire life. Nor did I stop to think if life could throw us curve balls which it has. We are a couple with no kids both have been out of the house for a quite a few years. 

     The way I've altered my marriage was in way's that some should think twice about doing, for any one out there who is going through or went through what I'm about to tell you. For those who really know me it's not easy to even tell you, I was sexting another man one who just randomly showed up out of the blue. 

    There are many questions you have some of  you will wonder how long have you been at this? Almost a year. Or how long have you been married  26 1/2 years. I've been married some good years some not so good years; here we are working through this mess I have made.

    I've broken CH's trust I don't know how or whether or not it will be repaired, and yes we are both seeing different counselor's. Getting back to this issue that has caused a rift in our marriage it's been a month since Ch had found out that I was sexting with someone I haven't come up with a name yet as many of you know I keep every one's identity hidden. As many times I say I'm sorry, we've talked since it's all of this has happened CH has given details of what I was doing. 

    It started out innocent, we were just talking to me it wasn't a big deal he would call me on my way to work. He got my number off of my face book page, he started texting me wanted to know if this was the right person, I texted back told him yes it was the person he was looking for. To me it was just talking I have a lot of guy friends some are married some who are still single; their like my brother's to me. 

    Some of you are thinking why would you have guy friends you have a husband? Here's the thing I have always had guy friends since high school we don't always talk on a daily bases we see each other when I go home for a visit or high school class reunion's. I don't bring my hubby he doesn't like big crowds I'm a social butterfly he isn't. 

    I'm the one other's come to when they're going through a rough spot, none of them would do what I've done; none would even think that I would do such a terrible thing.  I sent naked pictures to Steve (not his real name) the should've and the would've will not change any thing, doesn't change how CH is feeling he's not happy for what I did. He's back on anti depressant's, he can't trust me I know this at the same time he still loves me. 

    We are taking things one day at a time we're working on this there are many more posts to come I've spent most of the morning on this post. There is more I need to share with anyone, if you are a guy or gal who has stumbled on my blog looking to see if there is someone who has done exactly what I've done. Or your one of those who has this happen to them feel free to leave a comment I'll answer the best that I can. 

    

    

    

    

  

     

      

The Joys of employment

If there is one thing I have learned about being employed by the state of Ca. is your first paycheck is either shorten, your paycheck doesn't match your work hours or in my case; the information wasn't given to the accounting department. I know it's nothing to worry about I'll just get my paycheck next week. 

Really?!? In my case I have waited a long to time start this damn job and already my first real paycheck is lost in the system, no harm no foul in the meantime I have bills that need to get paid and Christmas is just a few weeks away, my plans were to get a massage I really need one. I haven't had one since July (more on that in another post), my supervisor tells me baby it's okay it will be here by Wednesday I'm thinking this is not the phone call I was expecting I really didn't like this news whatsoever.

So I told my loving hubby guess what whoever works in accounting didn't cut me a check, the look on his face wasn't good nor was the look on mine we have struggled financially, for the last year our checking account has been in the red a few times. Now that I'm working my first paycheck will be waiting for me hopefully before hubby gets his, praying it will be in my supervisor's office on Tuesday morning I'm not driving back to Oakland for it! Nor will I pay for parking for 5 minutes just to pick up my paycheck!!

On the bright side of this at least I'm working this will get taken care of  at least there is still a way of getting Christmas gifts, Ch will have to take a day off in the middle of the week, and praying we find what we want to get everyone their Christmas gifts. 

To be honest with you I wanted to scream FATHER GOD this is not suppose to happen! Oh it is happening sweetheart just going to take a few more days to receive your first paycheck, and being paid once a month while hubby has two paychecks one on the 1st of the month and the 15th of the month. I'm praying this gets taken care of by Wednesday.

At least I'm finally getting cookies made I'm late making them, at least family and friends will have them in time for Christmas to enjoy, as for Christmas cards thank God there's a CVS pharmacy down the block from where I work, picking those up tomorrow before I start work. 

I'm blessed to have supervisors who understand my situation, and a loving hubby who happens to be a supervisor knows what it's like to get have an employee's paycheck that doesn't arrive at the same time as other employee's receive theirs. In the meantime I'm praying this doesn't happen next month. 
 

I'm Back ready to Blog!

Finally after getting a good nights rest and figuring out how to get back to my place of sexy stories, family rants guess what? I'm back I'm ready to blog again! I took too much of a break from blogging, life gets in the way. Life changes and your not able to do what you use to love.  

CH and I are doing very well after our ups and downs the four years I'm back working again took me four years to land the career that God had meant for me. There has been so many changes over the last two years, and I should have vented about it; like I said I got way busy and forgot about my favorite place to vent. 

A friend of mine asked me if I had a blog, she must have come across it for her to ask. I'm glad she did I'm ready to pour my heart and soul back into this again; hopefully I won't burn out this time. I'm excited to see where this takes me. Although this year is almost over it's been fun, and fully blessed in what God has provided.

So what will I be writing about? depends on my mood, I had a very hot and sexy post on here I accidentally deleted; you know the kind where it's just you and your lover, on a weekend getaway I haven't done one of those in some time; I know what your thinking Summer rose you naughty girl! That's the fun part of blogging your real name is private so no can tell you what you can and can't blog about.

As for Ch and I well our relationship has gotten stronger over the years he is finally off is his medications for depression, in the last two years he developed diabetes due to his medications we had to change the way we eat, it hasn't been easy at least  we know how to keep it from getting worse. 

After four long years of taking jobs here and there, I have finally landed a career in the same state agency as CH; the difference I'm working as a dispatcher in the district office, I will have to post some of the pictures that I have taken from the parking garage that's in walking distance from where I work.  That's a different blog post for another time, can't you tell I have so much to write about I just don't know where to begin. 

I have honestly needed my blog as an outlet to figure out my thoughts and since I forgot about it I'm thank full for the friend who out of the blue asked if I had a blog, yes I do here it is in full detail of my ups and downs with kids and other life events. Like I said life gets busy and you forget that your outlet awaits for you to return, I'm very blessed and happy.

Took an Extended not intended break

For those who are still reading and wondering what has happened, there is a lot that has happened. We had hubby's sister move in last November with her dog; she needed help and support we were able  to give just that love and support Tori (not her real name) needed a place she didn't want to live with her parents which I understand completely she's a lovely grown adult. She had come to me and asked in turn I asked my hubby her brother we discussed it, we gave her our office/guest bedroom and the extra bathroom. Like me she had been out of work for a year, recently divorced from her partner. She had lived with a friend who drank all the time, Tori isn't use to that she felt unwanted and overwhelmed.

We took her in gave her what she had been missing for several years love and support from family, C her nephew got to know his aunt while she was living with us. He got to go Christmas shopping with her, we even took her out to dinner a few times; she kept telling us we didn't have to do this for her or her dog we told her this isn't forever it's part of life, one chapter shuts another chapter will open with new beginnings.

As the holidays came and went a whorl wind of activities we had our garage which we used for storage got broken into; Tori had most of her clothes she had along with electronics were stolen. I and hubby weren't happy it was a third time in two years that our garages had been broken into most of what was stolen prior to Tori moving in was recovered, hubby's bike was found across from where we lived thank you C for finding it. We don't have a police station don't know if we will ever get it back because of mismanagement within the police station, we have to rely on the Sacramento sheriff department if we need anything.

We didn't spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws as we usually do, J.J. made sure of that, he refused to let his grandparents invite us over I didn't find out about that until after Thanksgiving I wasn't pleased. C didn't want London broil for Thanksgiving nor did he want shrimp we ended up going out and buying a turkey with all the trimmings, hubby smoked it; which left us negative in the checking account, as many of my friends and family have told me that will be a memory he will never forget.

The following day we took C out pheasant hunting which has turned into a tradition after Thanksgiving is going out and hunt for pheasants, we had a good time. I don't usually have my cell phone on me, this time I did forgot to put on silence, my neighbor called me and asked if I had seen J.J.'s face book post I said no asked if I could call back after the hunt was over? Of course I did call her back told me to look at it  when I got home. J.J posted that we didn't care about him or the fact that we weren't there for Thanksgiving. When it was his choice he didn't want us there to begin with; my mother-in-law was pissed! It's not our fault that he made the choice obviously no one was happy over it.

We finally convinced our landlord for a puppy at this point he didn't care if we got a big one or a little one he was tired of the break-ins as we were, that afternoon hubby found a min pin Chihuahua for $20.00 the next morning I and Tori drove to Stockton to pick her up a tiny little baby fit right in the palm of my hand. We got her all the supplies we needed, thought we would surprise C in a scavenger hunt turned out to be a bad idea. C came home with a migraine headache took one look at her and ran to the bathroom, after a few hours he realized hey I've got a puppy! An early Christmas present.

J.J. was pissed to no end he even posted what the hell is wrong with my life! my brother gets a new puppy and I don't. He went as far as finding pictures of Labs and posted them on his page his girl friends mother asked him where he plans on keeping it a dog like that? J.J. had no reply he did have a dog once we had to get rid of her no one had the time to train her I was working at least 35 to 40 hours a week I had no time for a dog. We ended up giving her to my mom when she was still living, she couldn't handle her my guess is she went to the pound, this time it's different I'm not working applied for jobs received 51 rejections, within the year of applying for employment.

Back in March I went to a career fair, looked at some companies that were looking for employees none hired me, stopped by the California Department of Corrects and Rehabilitation since they had a booth set up, the peace officer asked if I was a U.S. citizen I said yes took one look at me and said we need people like you. I did apply passed my written exam about a month ago, passed my physical fitness test, which I did while suffering from a sinus infection came home vomiting at least it wasn't at the test site other wise I would have been disqualified would have to retake it in 6 months from now.

In the mean time J.J. is in Auburn he signed up for the California Conservation Corps same place where I met my hubby. He's been there since March 17th just around the time I was applying for CDCR, he didn't call me on my birthday, he did call me on Mother's Day I was feeling lousy didn't go to church that morning started to feel really awful by the time Sunday evening my left ear was in full blown pain. Sunday evening I e-mailed my doctor by 10 a.m. Monday morning I called to see why my doctor hadn't replied she too was out sick, the nurse got me a phone appointment he prescribed Amoxicillin with K clav made me feel 10x worse than I was already feeling.

Called the next day got another doctor to prescribe me with Amoxicillin which I'm use to taking four days later I was feeling back to normal, talk about one hell of an allergy season it's 20 times worse than last year no rain, dry grass, and plants that I'm not use to made me feel as if my sinuses were going to explode. C's allergies were bad too, except he had constant nose bleeds one right after another took him in to see his doctor; can't really prescribe anything unless he had an ear infection which surprising enough he didn't have.

I pretty much overwhelmed my readers I'll start on another post of other happenings as soon as I can, I can't believe how great writing makes me feel. I think I've taken a huge weight off my shoulders.

Where to begin

As I posted last year my son was dating a 15 year old well she's now 16 years old and has caused more issues from last year; they both shared a face book page my cousin called me three days before 4th of July asking me if I've seen his face book page what was posted on there I told her no I wasn't aware of any thing negative. I do not pry unless J.J. leaves his face book open from the night before. From what I was told and confirmed it with my son is that she posted no body cares, I questioned my son is this what you posted or did she! This is not what you want out there because I'm going to get phone calls and the next thing I knew I was getting another phone call.

The next day my Aunt by marriage called up my son and asked him what the hell is going on?!? He told me it's nothing, okay it's nothing when your so called girl friend is posting pictures of her threating to kill herself and wanting J. J. to do the same! Another picture she had posted was blood splattered all over the sink with a old fashion razor blade, my son believes he can "save" her from not harming herself. I explained to him on several occasions that this is not a healthy relationship she's crying out for her help and her parents don't give a damn.

Her parents have them sleeping on a 35 foot boat, she has no respect for adults who talk to her, she has no moral support, I tried to show her until she screwed up and told my husband in a text how to raise our son. She even suggested me taking him to the doctors because he had caught the flu which C had brought home from school, he did not bother to tell her that I had been sick or that his brother was sick which put a bigger strain on a relationship that barely got started.

On July 5th my son decides he wants some of his stuff, and brings over the sheriffs department to get his stuff which pissed me off I even told him in front of the sheriffs don't bring them again, I informed him his glasses were ready because his landed in the water, while he was spending the day with his girl friend. He had to pay for them we weren't going to be responsible for another pair. His grandmother had to take him to get them I wasn't driving out of town or taking him any where he needs to go.

J.J. feels he can live under a roof with a mother that has a drinking problem a father who supposedly works, what I'm afraid of is her parents getting pissed off at my son for something and he could end up going to jail, he doesn't see it that way he sees it's okay to live with a minor, it's okay to tell your parents that this is "LOVE" when I know it's not. J.J. thinks he can save her, I've tried to explain to him you can't save someone that does not want to be saved or is worth saving.

Being 18 and being in so called love he's, going to find it's tough living with your girl friends parents I've been there done that would not do it again. He forgets we lived with his grandparents for 3 years and finally got our own place in 1998, haven't lived with hubby's parents since then, now he thinks he's living on his own no drivers license her parents are going to help him get his drivers license, we'll see how long it takes for him to even get his insurance because ssi doesn't pay much.

He did have a job some how he lost it, about a month ago we're all wondering if his girl friend cost him his employment. She doesn't care, nor does she care if he has a decent paying job, we told him Cal-Trans is hiring if they can change the rules and the testing he can be a deck hand for the ferries that run between two Islands. The girl friend didn't like that one bit it's like she doesn't care if he has a good paying job with benefits.

The only thing I've told J.J. that was done with his relationship with his girl friend I don't want anything to do with her for the fact that she doesn't have a loving relationship with her parents isn't like what J.J. has been shown all his life, she's convinced him that what they share is. I know school will be starting soon, both will not be seeing each other very much she may be attending a continuation school because she didn't make the grades in summer school to remain at the high school J.J. will be attending for adult education.

As for now I'll be attending counseling through our medical insurance, I've told J.J. he needs to do the same in order for him to even think about staying in this relationship, in the long run one of them is going to find themselves way over their heads if he hasn't already. Yes I'm upset, sadden that he's met someone that he can not find the courage to tell her parents she needs help more than what he can give.

This is all for now.

Teen age Sons

If there is one thing I have learned about teen age boys is they find a way of pissing you off and finding a way to do a damn good job of it in the process if it means having a 15 yr old girl friend whose been with other guys they will find a way of doing it without caring who the hell they hurt.
Today I was watching the clock and finding my son wasn't home yet and then I get a call from the school stating he's in protective custody of his 15 yr old parents home because he lied to the school, now I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do until tomorrow.

He's turning 18 in two days and this is the thanks I get a slap in face possible lawsuit on my hands because the school let my son to stay at his fucking girlfriends house and her parents could careless how old my kid is the crazy thing about this situation is we took his girlfriend to Discovery Kingdom on Sunday so they can spend the day together, to me that was a big mistake on my part.

My neighbor warned me about her not to trust that little bitch she was trouble did I listen? NO I didn't listen, she knew this would happen, to me it's a setup she wants a fucking kid at 15 why the hell did she have to chose my son! I'm pissed I'm angry and yet she doesn't give a damn both of them hurt this family today.

My brother is here visiting out of state and he pulls this shit, it's worse now because they both have ranging hormones and both have gotten away with this tomorrow there will be hell to pay because someone is going to be liable for the damaged they both have caused. Neither one of them are thinking of their future they only care what's inside their pants.

I went over to my sons best friends house this evening to see if they can go over to where he's staying and knock some since into him he's lost his mowing job with his grand parents and possibly his future he's been doing good in school, only one detention because they way he was dressing now I've got this on my shoulders along with finding another job!
 
How much can a mom take!?! This is not fair to me or our family after I worked so hard in getting everyone under one roof. Three yrs my youngest has been home I admire each of my boys yet one decides to play with house with a 15 yr old that has had sex with other boys, should not be trusted I would not pull what both of them are pulling especially when the boy is turning 18 in two days.

I'm walking in a nightmare that I haven't woken up from, I'm pissed off because he did this during his uncle's visit not to mention the school counselor did this I hung up on her today I'll get to the bottom of this tomorrow morning I'll be damned if I'm going to let some little bitch get away with this!

For now this is all I'm going to post I'll try to post more later.

Season

Brother's and Sister's

This month has been full of unseen circumstances for one the man that abandoned I and my two siblings died on June 25Th almost a month ago, for myself and my brother it was no big deal he left us for another woman and didn't contact us for 28 years. Last December my brother C, received a phone call from him asking to come to Fl my brother's exact words I would rather go to Cali and see my sister than to see you! My brother was already homesick and his call made it worse my brother Anthony (not used as his first name) calls me crying I want to come home Sis ( he has always calls me sis for the longest time). Please come and get me, I explained to him if I had extra money I would bring him home, we cried and I prayed for both of us.

I asked him what happen he explained to me about the phone call received he told me he would never go without me no matter what happens he kept his promise, the end of June was the memorial service for the Jackass that left us. My brother and I did not attend, my sister attended the memorial service she called and started yelling at me because Anthony was suppose to be there I explained to her, if she would keep in contact with Anthony that she would know the truth. As hard as she took it she insisted on fighting me over this stupid guy that died. Hell I don't care if she wanted closure for some Jackass that didn't send my Mother child support when we were grade school and beyond. He asked for what he got and Karma gave him prostate cancer.

I did ask for advice from my Father who faced reality and remains in contact with me. That is another story and yes I have forgiven him and has received love from his first family. He explained to me in the Mexican culture it's respecting the dead, he also knew that Jackass abandoned us which makes it even difficult to attend some one's memorial service if there was no contact for 28 years.

I did receive so awful text messages from the Bitch that was engaged to another man, and pursued a man with a family and was married also known as adultery in the passages of the bible. I know in some parts of the world that is considered death by any means, but for my Mother who raised three kids by herself with little financial help from the county and asked our neighbor's son who was operating an almond factory my mother would not been able to feed us kids or bought clothes for us.

The text I received from the wicked witch of the East, were out of line and unforgivable.

Text #1 Sorry your just jealous because your brother and sister talk to their father.

When in fact that neither one of us had ever had contact with him for 28 yrs doesn't give her the right to tell me I'm jealous.

Text #2 Jackass did talk to Anthony and Kay until you stepped in.

Text #3 Was just as worse as the first two.

That's a lie I lived with my mom, brother, and sister and further more I talk to Anthony more than he talked to his father. Of course she didn't like what I text back to her, I sent the text messages to Anthony he was pissed to say the least actually someone would have gone to jail if I and Anthony went to Fl. because neither one of us would not put up with any one's crap, or let anyone tell me I'm not related to Anthony or my sister Kay.

Believe me it got much worse on July 4Th I and Anthony gave her more of a negative reception than anyone has ever received, I asked her what right did she have to take the only man I knew after all she was engaged and marry someone that was already married, of course she blamed it on the green cards.

An excuse I will not accept I told her Ohana means family, and we were a family until she showed up! Not only did I get into a fight with her, Anthony had his revenge on her as well. Anthony let her know on no certain terms was she going to tell him I'm not his sister, nor was he going to allow him to be bossed by some bitch that is not his mother!

She tried to call him her son in Spanish my brother told her on no certain terms was she her son nor was she a mother to him because our mother is no longer with us, she was not the least bit happy to hear that my brother would not accept her as his mother. Oh well that's how the mop flops you can't always have what you want, only what you receive.

Each word and phrase was not what she had expected of him, either way we had our sweet revenge on a person who caused nothing but heartache and shame, I think mom would have been proud of us for standing up to someone who deserve whatever life throws her way. I have no pity for a person who stabs another family in the back, and takes their parent away from them, it's cheap and disrespectful.

July 11, 2011

I came home from work and checked my f.b. to see how Anthony's best friend was she didn't make it her heart failed her, she died of congestive heart failure on July 11Th at 11:00 a.m. I called Anthony to tell him the news, his voice mail was backed up with messages he hadn't erased. I called his friend and let him know his best friend and adopted sister had gone to be her heavenly father, and to call home as soon as he can.

Last Thursday I went to the memorial service, I took Anthony's place even though I knew her for a short time it was best that I attended the service she knew my mom, sister, brother and myself. I ran into a few of my brother's former co-workers, and a security guard that worked where my brother had worked.

On the day that I was leaving I found out from Jackass's former boss he had a 401 k that was put in an account, his wife received the money while his former family suffered through tough financial times. His former boss was shocked to learned that I his daughter did not attend his funeral nor did we have contact for 28 yrs, at least I know where the money went to his second family what a bitch!

I told Anthony what I had learned he was not happy to find out that his 401 k went to her, that was suppose to be for us as payback for what he still owes us, we will not nor will we get that money back at least my mom got three children to love out the mess.

I don't care what anyone says he adopted me and I became his daughter not through my mom and his love for each other but through adoption papers, and I can give a rats ass what anyone says my two siblings are mine!

Both events happen within three weeks of each other, one I cared for more than the other. I stayed with my childhood neighbors and attended her church that is how I found out about the 401 K, as they karma gets even with those who have done wrong. I also believe blood is thicker than water. For what it's worth I'm now over my anger of the situation with Jackass he had his chance to contact us and he choose to wait until last December.

His idea for making for lost time was a little too late on his part he should have said something a lot sooner than what he did. I remember the Judge who did the divorce for my mom, was the same one who did the adoption for me to become part of his family, the judge had warned him back in 1993 he may not have receive a warm welcome.

I and my siblings made sure of it, we didn't give them a warm welcome it more of a what the hell do you think your going to get by coming to see us!?! He had his chance not to bring her and for whatever reason he brought his second wife which made matters even worse for the three of us. She claims my mom and her were best friends they were more like enemies than friends.

This is all for now I've got more to write as it is this late being published C. G. asked how I was and since I started this a while ago I figured I get it posted while I can.