It's true I have survived the ups and downs of children's disabilities, even the one's that can't seem to control their anger. Today makes no difference from other times I've had phone calls from SELPA informing me why I want to discontinue services for Jr. because no one wants to bother sending home work so Jr isn't bored or at least doing something productive after school. I've been in this position for three freaken years, each school year it's the same story, why do I insist on Jr. getting homework. It's the same story every year he needs the repetition of accomplishing his goals, how stupid do you think I am!
Seriously it's to the point I'm sick and tired of the same questions over and over again. Do as your told or don't call me at home. I'm tired of the same games over and over, Jr. did receive his 8th grade diploma and not just a passing him on to the high school, now I've got him on a track for him to graduate high school with a diploma and they tell sorry but he's on the wrong track, he won't receive his high school diploma just a grade he accomplished it. Just great! I'm ready to say the hell with all I.E.P (individual educational plans), I'm tired of putting up a fight for my son. He wants to accomplish something, anything he's never let his disability get in the way of him accomplishing his goals.
His i.q.is at a second grade level far below the average Junior in high school, his mentality is not always the perfect and I know it will never be perfect, we talked about what he wants to do after high school we've discussed him going to college that will never happen! talked about following the foot steps of his cousins one is a fire fighter the other is training to be a fire fighter. We've talked about him going into the coast guard another opportunity he will never reach because he has a low level of a second grader. I'm to the point that I really don't know what to tell him, he'll never get his drivers licences like a normal teenager.
I've tried working with him every summer, on various subjects. There isn't a summer school that offers special programs for kids like him, it's up to the parents to handle any extra help kids like him need. I'm to the point of giving up! I'm tired of pushing the teachers to give him home work he needs to succeed it's gotten to the point I really don't care any more. I'm tired I've fought the battle with this school district, I've voiced my opinions of how I felt about this school district and how wrong they are of offering the programs that should help kids, but when it comes to programs that refuse to give home work and the only ones that do is his U.S. History class, that's once a week! The rest of the time he's either on his computer playing games or playing the XBox that's not what I send my child to school for!
The teachers don't give a damn about the one's who can't pass the exam so they can graduate from high school, they only care about is the ones who are at grade level to hell with the rest of them! I can not stand No kid left behind Like hell! It should be know we don't care about the kids with disabilities we only care for the one's who are smart enough to make something of themselves! While the rest of us suffer and bullied, into corners.
If teachers were as caring as the one's I had in school maybe it would be a different story, they've all retired by now. There is one else I can turn to, I'm alone, in pain, and not sure where to turn next my heart is broken dreams shattered, there is nothing left. It's painful to tell my son he will never achieve anything in life, because life threw us a curve ball! We were warned the high school likes to play games and sure enough they've done a bang up job of giving up on a child that needs repetition, and not told he won't amount to anything.
I guess it's my fault for everything it's my fault for not pushing him harder, it's my fault for not overseeing what he needs. Hell I'm to the point of wanting to move out of this county! back to my home town where teachers actually cared, and parents received notices of what is going on and to see if the subjects met the students level in reading, math, and other subjects. Life isn't always fair and it's been unfair to I and my family, we've weathered each storm made rainbows when days seemed to darken by clouds above.
(Thomas Merton) once said: The meaning of life is found in openness to being and "being present" in full awareness.
I'm aware of his disabilities it's not like I don't see them on a daily bases, yet life is full of unexpected outcomes whatever God has instore for Jr. we will take it in stride I'm not rushing him to move out I'm not expecting a mirical over night. Life is full of disappointments and encouraging children to do their best is often considered a blessing.
I've vented my feelings thankfully I have a place where I can turn to when life throughs me curve balls and disappointments along the way. I'm going to try to relax before bed and maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
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