A random post of sorts

     It's about time that I start blogging again I've stopped a few years back working full time, events in my life also changed; I've also put my marriage in a not so healthy place. And this year most individuals either have lost their jobs, moral is down and couples are finding themselves in places they don't want to be in.

    The last post I had posted was on CH's blog telling everyone that I was happy, our marriage was in a good place, I was finally employed after being employed in various jobs. Not knowing there would be changes and circumstances that would have me evaluating my entire life. Nor did I stop to think if life could throw us curve balls which it has. We are a couple with no kids both have been out of the house for a quite a few years. 

     The way I've altered my marriage was in way's that some should think twice about doing, for any one out there who is going through or went through what I'm about to tell you. For those who really know me it's not easy to even tell you, I was sexting another man one who just randomly showed up out of the blue. 

    There are many questions you have some of  you will wonder how long have you been at this? Almost a year. Or how long have you been married  26 1/2 years. I've been married some good years some not so good years; here we are working through this mess I have made.

    I've broken CH's trust I don't know how or whether or not it will be repaired, and yes we are both seeing different counselor's. Getting back to this issue that has caused a rift in our marriage it's been a month since Ch had found out that I was sexting with someone I haven't come up with a name yet as many of you know I keep every one's identity hidden. As many times I say I'm sorry, we've talked since it's all of this has happened CH has given details of what I was doing. 

    It started out innocent, we were just talking to me it wasn't a big deal he would call me on my way to work. He got my number off of my face book page, he started texting me wanted to know if this was the right person, I texted back told him yes it was the person he was looking for. To me it was just talking I have a lot of guy friends some are married some who are still single; their like my brother's to me. 

    Some of you are thinking why would you have guy friends you have a husband? Here's the thing I have always had guy friends since high school we don't always talk on a daily bases we see each other when I go home for a visit or high school class reunion's. I don't bring my hubby he doesn't like big crowds I'm a social butterfly he isn't. 

    I'm the one other's come to when they're going through a rough spot, none of them would do what I've done; none would even think that I would do such a terrible thing.  I sent naked pictures to Steve (not his real name) the should've and the would've will not change any thing, doesn't change how CH is feeling he's not happy for what I did. He's back on anti depressant's, he can't trust me I know this at the same time he still loves me. 

    We are taking things one day at a time we're working on this there are many more posts to come I've spent most of the morning on this post. There is more I need to share with anyone, if you are a guy or gal who has stumbled on my blog looking to see if there is someone who has done exactly what I've done. Or your one of those who has this happen to them feel free to leave a comment I'll answer the best that I can. 

    

    

    

    

  

     

      

The Joys of employment

If there is one thing I have learned about being employed by the state of Ca. is your first paycheck is either shorten, your paycheck doesn't match your work hours or in my case; the information wasn't given to the accounting department. I know it's nothing to worry about I'll just get my paycheck next week. 

Really?!? In my case I have waited a long to time start this damn job and already my first real paycheck is lost in the system, no harm no foul in the meantime I have bills that need to get paid and Christmas is just a few weeks away, my plans were to get a massage I really need one. I haven't had one since July (more on that in another post), my supervisor tells me baby it's okay it will be here by Wednesday I'm thinking this is not the phone call I was expecting I really didn't like this news whatsoever.

So I told my loving hubby guess what whoever works in accounting didn't cut me a check, the look on his face wasn't good nor was the look on mine we have struggled financially, for the last year our checking account has been in the red a few times. Now that I'm working my first paycheck will be waiting for me hopefully before hubby gets his, praying it will be in my supervisor's office on Tuesday morning I'm not driving back to Oakland for it! Nor will I pay for parking for 5 minutes just to pick up my paycheck!!

On the bright side of this at least I'm working this will get taken care of  at least there is still a way of getting Christmas gifts, Ch will have to take a day off in the middle of the week, and praying we find what we want to get everyone their Christmas gifts. 

To be honest with you I wanted to scream FATHER GOD this is not suppose to happen! Oh it is happening sweetheart just going to take a few more days to receive your first paycheck, and being paid once a month while hubby has two paychecks one on the 1st of the month and the 15th of the month. I'm praying this gets taken care of by Wednesday.

At least I'm finally getting cookies made I'm late making them, at least family and friends will have them in time for Christmas to enjoy, as for Christmas cards thank God there's a CVS pharmacy down the block from where I work, picking those up tomorrow before I start work. 

I'm blessed to have supervisors who understand my situation, and a loving hubby who happens to be a supervisor knows what it's like to get have an employee's paycheck that doesn't arrive at the same time as other employee's receive theirs. In the meantime I'm praying this doesn't happen next month. 
 

I'm Back ready to Blog!

Finally after getting a good nights rest and figuring out how to get back to my place of sexy stories, family rants guess what? I'm back I'm ready to blog again! I took too much of a break from blogging, life gets in the way. Life changes and your not able to do what you use to love.  

CH and I are doing very well after our ups and downs the four years I'm back working again took me four years to land the career that God had meant for me. There has been so many changes over the last two years, and I should have vented about it; like I said I got way busy and forgot about my favorite place to vent. 

A friend of mine asked me if I had a blog, she must have come across it for her to ask. I'm glad she did I'm ready to pour my heart and soul back into this again; hopefully I won't burn out this time. I'm excited to see where this takes me. Although this year is almost over it's been fun, and fully blessed in what God has provided.

So what will I be writing about? depends on my mood, I had a very hot and sexy post on here I accidentally deleted; you know the kind where it's just you and your lover, on a weekend getaway I haven't done one of those in some time; I know what your thinking Summer rose you naughty girl! That's the fun part of blogging your real name is private so no can tell you what you can and can't blog about.

As for Ch and I well our relationship has gotten stronger over the years he is finally off is his medications for depression, in the last two years he developed diabetes due to his medications we had to change the way we eat, it hasn't been easy at least  we know how to keep it from getting worse. 

After four long years of taking jobs here and there, I have finally landed a career in the same state agency as CH; the difference I'm working as a dispatcher in the district office, I will have to post some of the pictures that I have taken from the parking garage that's in walking distance from where I work.  That's a different blog post for another time, can't you tell I have so much to write about I just don't know where to begin. 

I have honestly needed my blog as an outlet to figure out my thoughts and since I forgot about it I'm thank full for the friend who out of the blue asked if I had a blog, yes I do here it is in full detail of my ups and downs with kids and other life events. Like I said life gets busy and you forget that your outlet awaits for you to return, I'm very blessed and happy.

Took an Extended not intended break

For those who are still reading and wondering what has happened, there is a lot that has happened. We had hubby's sister move in last November with her dog; she needed help and support we were able  to give just that love and support Tori (not her real name) needed a place she didn't want to live with her parents which I understand completely she's a lovely grown adult. She had come to me and asked in turn I asked my hubby her brother we discussed it, we gave her our office/guest bedroom and the extra bathroom. Like me she had been out of work for a year, recently divorced from her partner. She had lived with a friend who drank all the time, Tori isn't use to that she felt unwanted and overwhelmed.

We took her in gave her what she had been missing for several years love and support from family, C her nephew got to know his aunt while she was living with us. He got to go Christmas shopping with her, we even took her out to dinner a few times; she kept telling us we didn't have to do this for her or her dog we told her this isn't forever it's part of life, one chapter shuts another chapter will open with new beginnings.

As the holidays came and went a whorl wind of activities we had our garage which we used for storage got broken into; Tori had most of her clothes she had along with electronics were stolen. I and hubby weren't happy it was a third time in two years that our garages had been broken into most of what was stolen prior to Tori moving in was recovered, hubby's bike was found across from where we lived thank you C for finding it. We don't have a police station don't know if we will ever get it back because of mismanagement within the police station, we have to rely on the Sacramento sheriff department if we need anything.

We didn't spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws as we usually do, J.J. made sure of that, he refused to let his grandparents invite us over I didn't find out about that until after Thanksgiving I wasn't pleased. C didn't want London broil for Thanksgiving nor did he want shrimp we ended up going out and buying a turkey with all the trimmings, hubby smoked it; which left us negative in the checking account, as many of my friends and family have told me that will be a memory he will never forget.

The following day we took C out pheasant hunting which has turned into a tradition after Thanksgiving is going out and hunt for pheasants, we had a good time. I don't usually have my cell phone on me, this time I did forgot to put on silence, my neighbor called me and asked if I had seen J.J.'s face book post I said no asked if I could call back after the hunt was over? Of course I did call her back told me to look at it  when I got home. J.J posted that we didn't care about him or the fact that we weren't there for Thanksgiving. When it was his choice he didn't want us there to begin with; my mother-in-law was pissed! It's not our fault that he made the choice obviously no one was happy over it.

We finally convinced our landlord for a puppy at this point he didn't care if we got a big one or a little one he was tired of the break-ins as we were, that afternoon hubby found a min pin Chihuahua for $20.00 the next morning I and Tori drove to Stockton to pick her up a tiny little baby fit right in the palm of my hand. We got her all the supplies we needed, thought we would surprise C in a scavenger hunt turned out to be a bad idea. C came home with a migraine headache took one look at her and ran to the bathroom, after a few hours he realized hey I've got a puppy! An early Christmas present.

J.J. was pissed to no end he even posted what the hell is wrong with my life! my brother gets a new puppy and I don't. He went as far as finding pictures of Labs and posted them on his page his girl friends mother asked him where he plans on keeping it a dog like that? J.J. had no reply he did have a dog once we had to get rid of her no one had the time to train her I was working at least 35 to 40 hours a week I had no time for a dog. We ended up giving her to my mom when she was still living, she couldn't handle her my guess is she went to the pound, this time it's different I'm not working applied for jobs received 51 rejections, within the year of applying for employment.

Back in March I went to a career fair, looked at some companies that were looking for employees none hired me, stopped by the California Department of Corrects and Rehabilitation since they had a booth set up, the peace officer asked if I was a U.S. citizen I said yes took one look at me and said we need people like you. I did apply passed my written exam about a month ago, passed my physical fitness test, which I did while suffering from a sinus infection came home vomiting at least it wasn't at the test site other wise I would have been disqualified would have to retake it in 6 months from now.

In the mean time J.J. is in Auburn he signed up for the California Conservation Corps same place where I met my hubby. He's been there since March 17th just around the time I was applying for CDCR, he didn't call me on my birthday, he did call me on Mother's Day I was feeling lousy didn't go to church that morning started to feel really awful by the time Sunday evening my left ear was in full blown pain. Sunday evening I e-mailed my doctor by 10 a.m. Monday morning I called to see why my doctor hadn't replied she too was out sick, the nurse got me a phone appointment he prescribed Amoxicillin with K clav made me feel 10x worse than I was already feeling.

Called the next day got another doctor to prescribe me with Amoxicillin which I'm use to taking four days later I was feeling back to normal, talk about one hell of an allergy season it's 20 times worse than last year no rain, dry grass, and plants that I'm not use to made me feel as if my sinuses were going to explode. C's allergies were bad too, except he had constant nose bleeds one right after another took him in to see his doctor; can't really prescribe anything unless he had an ear infection which surprising enough he didn't have.

I pretty much overwhelmed my readers I'll start on another post of other happenings as soon as I can, I can't believe how great writing makes me feel. I think I've taken a huge weight off my shoulders.

Where to begin

As I posted last year my son was dating a 15 year old well she's now 16 years old and has caused more issues from last year; they both shared a face book page my cousin called me three days before 4th of July asking me if I've seen his face book page what was posted on there I told her no I wasn't aware of any thing negative. I do not pry unless J.J. leaves his face book open from the night before. From what I was told and confirmed it with my son is that she posted no body cares, I questioned my son is this what you posted or did she! This is not what you want out there because I'm going to get phone calls and the next thing I knew I was getting another phone call.

The next day my Aunt by marriage called up my son and asked him what the hell is going on?!? He told me it's nothing, okay it's nothing when your so called girl friend is posting pictures of her threating to kill herself and wanting J. J. to do the same! Another picture she had posted was blood splattered all over the sink with a old fashion razor blade, my son believes he can "save" her from not harming herself. I explained to him on several occasions that this is not a healthy relationship she's crying out for her help and her parents don't give a damn.

Her parents have them sleeping on a 35 foot boat, she has no respect for adults who talk to her, she has no moral support, I tried to show her until she screwed up and told my husband in a text how to raise our son. She even suggested me taking him to the doctors because he had caught the flu which C had brought home from school, he did not bother to tell her that I had been sick or that his brother was sick which put a bigger strain on a relationship that barely got started.

On July 5th my son decides he wants some of his stuff, and brings over the sheriffs department to get his stuff which pissed me off I even told him in front of the sheriffs don't bring them again, I informed him his glasses were ready because his landed in the water, while he was spending the day with his girl friend. He had to pay for them we weren't going to be responsible for another pair. His grandmother had to take him to get them I wasn't driving out of town or taking him any where he needs to go.

J.J. feels he can live under a roof with a mother that has a drinking problem a father who supposedly works, what I'm afraid of is her parents getting pissed off at my son for something and he could end up going to jail, he doesn't see it that way he sees it's okay to live with a minor, it's okay to tell your parents that this is "LOVE" when I know it's not. J.J. thinks he can save her, I've tried to explain to him you can't save someone that does not want to be saved or is worth saving.

Being 18 and being in so called love he's, going to find it's tough living with your girl friends parents I've been there done that would not do it again. He forgets we lived with his grandparents for 3 years and finally got our own place in 1998, haven't lived with hubby's parents since then, now he thinks he's living on his own no drivers license her parents are going to help him get his drivers license, we'll see how long it takes for him to even get his insurance because ssi doesn't pay much.

He did have a job some how he lost it, about a month ago we're all wondering if his girl friend cost him his employment. She doesn't care, nor does she care if he has a decent paying job, we told him Cal-Trans is hiring if they can change the rules and the testing he can be a deck hand for the ferries that run between two Islands. The girl friend didn't like that one bit it's like she doesn't care if he has a good paying job with benefits.

The only thing I've told J.J. that was done with his relationship with his girl friend I don't want anything to do with her for the fact that she doesn't have a loving relationship with her parents isn't like what J.J. has been shown all his life, she's convinced him that what they share is. I know school will be starting soon, both will not be seeing each other very much she may be attending a continuation school because she didn't make the grades in summer school to remain at the high school J.J. will be attending for adult education.

As for now I'll be attending counseling through our medical insurance, I've told J.J. he needs to do the same in order for him to even think about staying in this relationship, in the long run one of them is going to find themselves way over their heads if he hasn't already. Yes I'm upset, sadden that he's met someone that he can not find the courage to tell her parents she needs help more than what he can give.

This is all for now.

Teen age Sons

If there is one thing I have learned about teen age boys is they find a way of pissing you off and finding a way to do a damn good job of it in the process if it means having a 15 yr old girl friend whose been with other guys they will find a way of doing it without caring who the hell they hurt.
Today I was watching the clock and finding my son wasn't home yet and then I get a call from the school stating he's in protective custody of his 15 yr old parents home because he lied to the school, now I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do until tomorrow.

He's turning 18 in two days and this is the thanks I get a slap in face possible lawsuit on my hands because the school let my son to stay at his fucking girlfriends house and her parents could careless how old my kid is the crazy thing about this situation is we took his girlfriend to Discovery Kingdom on Sunday so they can spend the day together, to me that was a big mistake on my part.

My neighbor warned me about her not to trust that little bitch she was trouble did I listen? NO I didn't listen, she knew this would happen, to me it's a setup she wants a fucking kid at 15 why the hell did she have to chose my son! I'm pissed I'm angry and yet she doesn't give a damn both of them hurt this family today.

My brother is here visiting out of state and he pulls this shit, it's worse now because they both have ranging hormones and both have gotten away with this tomorrow there will be hell to pay because someone is going to be liable for the damaged they both have caused. Neither one of them are thinking of their future they only care what's inside their pants.

I went over to my sons best friends house this evening to see if they can go over to where he's staying and knock some since into him he's lost his mowing job with his grand parents and possibly his future he's been doing good in school, only one detention because they way he was dressing now I've got this on my shoulders along with finding another job!
 
How much can a mom take!?! This is not fair to me or our family after I worked so hard in getting everyone under one roof. Three yrs my youngest has been home I admire each of my boys yet one decides to play with house with a 15 yr old that has had sex with other boys, should not be trusted I would not pull what both of them are pulling especially when the boy is turning 18 in two days.

I'm walking in a nightmare that I haven't woken up from, I'm pissed off because he did this during his uncle's visit not to mention the school counselor did this I hung up on her today I'll get to the bottom of this tomorrow morning I'll be damned if I'm going to let some little bitch get away with this!

For now this is all I'm going to post I'll try to post more later.

Season

Brother's and Sister's

This month has been full of unseen circumstances for one the man that abandoned I and my two siblings died on June 25Th almost a month ago, for myself and my brother it was no big deal he left us for another woman and didn't contact us for 28 years. Last December my brother C, received a phone call from him asking to come to Fl my brother's exact words I would rather go to Cali and see my sister than to see you! My brother was already homesick and his call made it worse my brother Anthony (not used as his first name) calls me crying I want to come home Sis ( he has always calls me sis for the longest time). Please come and get me, I explained to him if I had extra money I would bring him home, we cried and I prayed for both of us.

I asked him what happen he explained to me about the phone call received he told me he would never go without me no matter what happens he kept his promise, the end of June was the memorial service for the Jackass that left us. My brother and I did not attend, my sister attended the memorial service she called and started yelling at me because Anthony was suppose to be there I explained to her, if she would keep in contact with Anthony that she would know the truth. As hard as she took it she insisted on fighting me over this stupid guy that died. Hell I don't care if she wanted closure for some Jackass that didn't send my Mother child support when we were grade school and beyond. He asked for what he got and Karma gave him prostate cancer.

I did ask for advice from my Father who faced reality and remains in contact with me. That is another story and yes I have forgiven him and has received love from his first family. He explained to me in the Mexican culture it's respecting the dead, he also knew that Jackass abandoned us which makes it even difficult to attend some one's memorial service if there was no contact for 28 years.

I did receive so awful text messages from the Bitch that was engaged to another man, and pursued a man with a family and was married also known as adultery in the passages of the bible. I know in some parts of the world that is considered death by any means, but for my Mother who raised three kids by herself with little financial help from the county and asked our neighbor's son who was operating an almond factory my mother would not been able to feed us kids or bought clothes for us.

The text I received from the wicked witch of the East, were out of line and unforgivable.

Text #1 Sorry your just jealous because your brother and sister talk to their father.

When in fact that neither one of us had ever had contact with him for 28 yrs doesn't give her the right to tell me I'm jealous.

Text #2 Jackass did talk to Anthony and Kay until you stepped in.

Text #3 Was just as worse as the first two.

That's a lie I lived with my mom, brother, and sister and further more I talk to Anthony more than he talked to his father. Of course she didn't like what I text back to her, I sent the text messages to Anthony he was pissed to say the least actually someone would have gone to jail if I and Anthony went to Fl. because neither one of us would not put up with any one's crap, or let anyone tell me I'm not related to Anthony or my sister Kay.

Believe me it got much worse on July 4Th I and Anthony gave her more of a negative reception than anyone has ever received, I asked her what right did she have to take the only man I knew after all she was engaged and marry someone that was already married, of course she blamed it on the green cards.

An excuse I will not accept I told her Ohana means family, and we were a family until she showed up! Not only did I get into a fight with her, Anthony had his revenge on her as well. Anthony let her know on no certain terms was she going to tell him I'm not his sister, nor was he going to allow him to be bossed by some bitch that is not his mother!

She tried to call him her son in Spanish my brother told her on no certain terms was she her son nor was she a mother to him because our mother is no longer with us, she was not the least bit happy to hear that my brother would not accept her as his mother. Oh well that's how the mop flops you can't always have what you want, only what you receive.

Each word and phrase was not what she had expected of him, either way we had our sweet revenge on a person who caused nothing but heartache and shame, I think mom would have been proud of us for standing up to someone who deserve whatever life throws her way. I have no pity for a person who stabs another family in the back, and takes their parent away from them, it's cheap and disrespectful.

July 11, 2011

I came home from work and checked my f.b. to see how Anthony's best friend was she didn't make it her heart failed her, she died of congestive heart failure on July 11Th at 11:00 a.m. I called Anthony to tell him the news, his voice mail was backed up with messages he hadn't erased. I called his friend and let him know his best friend and adopted sister had gone to be her heavenly father, and to call home as soon as he can.

Last Thursday I went to the memorial service, I took Anthony's place even though I knew her for a short time it was best that I attended the service she knew my mom, sister, brother and myself. I ran into a few of my brother's former co-workers, and a security guard that worked where my brother had worked.

On the day that I was leaving I found out from Jackass's former boss he had a 401 k that was put in an account, his wife received the money while his former family suffered through tough financial times. His former boss was shocked to learned that I his daughter did not attend his funeral nor did we have contact for 28 yrs, at least I know where the money went to his second family what a bitch!

I told Anthony what I had learned he was not happy to find out that his 401 k went to her, that was suppose to be for us as payback for what he still owes us, we will not nor will we get that money back at least my mom got three children to love out the mess.

I don't care what anyone says he adopted me and I became his daughter not through my mom and his love for each other but through adoption papers, and I can give a rats ass what anyone says my two siblings are mine!

Both events happen within three weeks of each other, one I cared for more than the other. I stayed with my childhood neighbors and attended her church that is how I found out about the 401 K, as they karma gets even with those who have done wrong. I also believe blood is thicker than water. For what it's worth I'm now over my anger of the situation with Jackass he had his chance to contact us and he choose to wait until last December.

His idea for making for lost time was a little too late on his part he should have said something a lot sooner than what he did. I remember the Judge who did the divorce for my mom, was the same one who did the adoption for me to become part of his family, the judge had warned him back in 1993 he may not have receive a warm welcome.

I and my siblings made sure of it, we didn't give them a warm welcome it more of a what the hell do you think your going to get by coming to see us!?! He had his chance not to bring her and for whatever reason he brought his second wife which made matters even worse for the three of us. She claims my mom and her were best friends they were more like enemies than friends.

This is all for now I've got more to write as it is this late being published C. G. asked how I was and since I started this a while ago I figured I get it posted while I can.

How do I find my list of bloggers?

I have thought about writing for quit some time now, just haven't had the chance to blog. I miss makes be feel so much better once I get my thoughts out and not have so much clutter, today I decided to do some reading low and behold I lost all of my favorite blogger. My guess is Google changed their settings or something happen hell if I know, but at least whatever happen to my favorite blogger at least I have a place to vent.

So what has Summer rose have been doing? Still attending school I have a year and a half left I'm feeling good about accomplishing something without quitting although there have been a few times I felt the need to quit, the impact out weighed the consequences so I managed to keep going and keep dreaming. Both have kept from not losing my mind, at least both of my boys will have some say in the matter when they get older.

Jr. is a sophomore this year in high school, he wants to attend a community college in Idaho where his Uncle lives I'm a little torn by his wanting to venture out after high school, but I also know the choice is his to make I can't stop him. His reading is getting better everyday he's got a good R.S.P teacher which is good, at first he put up a fight of wanting to transfer to another high school after we had him attend an IEP meeting ( Individual Education Plan) he realized how much his mom has to collaborate with teachers and other staff members.

He learned real quick mom finds out everything, and now he's brought up his grades in history, P.E. and a few other classes along the way, his teachers admire his progress. He's reading at a third grade level, I explained to him he needs to start setting up reading goals and see how many he can accomplish by the end of the school year. We are both going to be working hard toward his reading goals.

As the day and months have worn on there is a grey cloud hanging over our loving family and it's one that I have to share. As I had mention a few months back C came home for good it's been about 5 months since I and Ch had brought C home, at first his behavior was positive at school and at home, recently that has changed he started hitting again threaten to run away which he tried to do luckily he didn't get too far, punched holes in his bedroom walls which Ch and I have to patch I ended up taking all of his toys out of his room again. Not something I was looking forward to doing.

Tonight we had family therapy and told C and the therapist we will not tolerate any more bad behaviors C knows his negative behavior doesn't do him any good but only gets everyone angry. He also knows if it continues we as his parents have the right to have him physically removed from the home, it's not that we don't love him or don't want him. It's the fact once again I'm being hit when C is in a bad mood, it's not easy living with a child who constantly pushes everyone around him.

I know he doesn't have any friends to play with except for the xbox and a bike to ride, it's not easy for him to not have any one to play with. At the same time I, Ch, and his older brother play games with him take him out fishing when Ch is going with his dad. Other times he's watching t.v. I know it's tough on him not having any one his own age to play with, there isn't much I can do about it at the moment. C is good about completing his chores except for cleaning his room for some reason he has a hard time with that task, maybe it's a boy thing I don't know.

With every thing going on with both boys they are both getting along just fine, sure they have their sibbling moments at least it's not like it use to be. J has been able to keep his wits about him and not cause trouble, I've gotten to the point to give J a lot of free time. J helps with cleaning the house while I work late on Fridays by the time I get home from work the house looks nice he's a real whiz at cleaning. Since he has youth group at the Church we attend he stays in R.V. and hangs out with his friends, it's good for him to be with his friends he grew up with. Living 5 minutes away from R.V. has taken a toll on J, he understands why we had to move but he still misses living in R.V. and I don't blame him so do I.

Last but not least, Ch brought home a kitten from work. He couldn't help himself she was stuck in one of the buildings out at the Real McCoy ferry on Highway 84, he couldn't resist. Come to find out at least 30 cats live out there, this one was either dumped or the mother abandon her Ch, pictured text me and said look what I'm bringing home, at first I thought he was kidding and when I text him again he said he wasn't. Her name is Squeakers, at first I wasn't sure if she was going to make it. I told Ch we should've named her faith, because she made it through the first 72 hours of being with us, she's been bottle fed for the last three weeks from the information I found she's about ready for kitten Chow.

Well this all for now I'm going to be working on blogging a lot more in the coming weeks that way I can start clearing my thoughts, I need to do this more often I forgot how much stress I can releave just from getting my thoughts out of my head.

Happy Holidays to those who are still interested in reading.

A little Venting

Since C will be arriving July 16Th with all of his stuff he has collected and other belongings, I and Ch finally told C he will be coming home on July 16Th for good. No more bridge toll unless one of the kids needs to see the doc, and how we broke the news was over breakfast before leaving to Ch's co-workers house, the co-workers wife will be watching C on Friday afternoons since I don't arrive home until 5:00 p.m. because I work late, since I only work three days out of the week and I cannot cut my hours at work the co-workers wife said she would watch C for us.

That is not the part that bothers me the most, is the fact my in-laws took it all in stride, no words of I'm proud of you, positive comments that my mother would have said. Not a damn thing did they say both of them knew before C knew he was coming home.

What pisses me off the most is neither one of them care to even say I'm so proud of you what the hell! IT'S THEIR GRANDSON! Not one word did they say hey summer and Ch I'm happy he is coming home for good. We're proud of the hard work you have done with C, I'm to the point I want to move out of state so no one has the right to our boy's.

Is this the way grand kids are to be treated or acknowledged for his or her hard work give me a break! I've done all I can tried to make Ch's parents respect me all I get is you know the boys are out front you should be helping them with the water balloons well excuse me for having homework during a holiday weekend! And I'm sorry if getting good grades is what matters most to his parents!

I'm to the point of not telling them stuff about either one of the boys they don't care, since Ch's sister has gotten married and is off on the weekends. It's more about them, I guess being married for 15 yrs that is to be expected of them, it's like I don't matter to either of them. I've come to accepted it and finally have come to terms with it.

I know it's my fault for coming between Ch and his dad, I realize it now. As for his mother we don't say much to each other, ever since I told her I would be attending University of Phoenix, she had the nerve of saying why don't you attend the Community College it's cheaper and they help you. I did not like the Community College and after talking with the staff at University of Phoenix I had a better opportunity of having better access to the instructors and guess what I'm happy.

Because I choose the school that meets my learning needs, it's my choice of what college to attend, I'm sorry for not having the brains she has. But at least I know somewhere down the road I will have a better paying job, to support my family and loving my family is more important than dealing with his parents.

Sorry for venting but I needed to get this off of my chest, and maybe it was wrong of me to do my homework on the 4Th of July, Ch understood where I was coming from and is supportive for going back to school even though it's been tough but I'm succeeding.

It's Summer Already!!

Here it is almost the end of June and I come back from taking an unwanted break and find blogger has changed their settings! Being that I love to mess with settings I thought I would at least give it a shot so here is my new look for new beginnings. I have found that being away from here has taken a toll on me I miss the ones I comment on, I also miss the ones that use to be on here, you know who your leave a message on my GMail account just let me know you are doing well.

In other thoughts of writing I might as well tell my readers or what is left of them, I and Ch are doing very well, C will be discharged from the bay area on July 16Th 2010, I and Ch are a little nervous, excited, and hopeful, C has made a lot of progress in his abilities of controlling his moods both at home and at school, he is in between grades in school. Meaning he can handle 3rd grade math but his reading is in the 4Th grade, he has no idea he is coming home next month.

We were advised to wait until July 4Th weekend to tell him, I am happy he's able to return home without med of any kind only verbal directions C is able to control his emotions. We are grateful for a wonderful family therapist and the staff for helping C when he needed to be directed to do his work. C is able to tell us what is bothering him and how he is feeling when he is here on the weekends.

As for our oldest he just finished his first year of high school I cannot believe he will be a sophomore on Aug 16Th, he was barely starting school, now a high school student! He is doing well we had a tough first year of high school teachers not wanting to help us with homework so J Jr. would have a better understanding of math his reading is coming along, I'm not pushing him to do well there he's gotten the concepts of reading.

I just completed another class this time accounting squeaked by with a C+ I'm proud and happy to have passed it! I still don't know all the concepts of accounting but for now I'm not worried about it, if I need it in the future I'll keep the book just in case, I'll use it for a reference. If not I'll use for a coaster!

My hubby or to those who know him best Ch is doing well, he is still an acting supervisor with the state cutting their staff and individuals retiring they haven't found anyone to take his place so he can step down and be a lead worker. Knock-On-Wood! I like having him on days he's home when I'm home I don't have to worry about a baby sitter when I have to attend school.

I would rather him working the day shift especially with C, coming home I would rather have both of us at home during the week except when I have school, and both of us are here we can at least try to have family dinners as much as possible.

This is all for now I'm sorry for a long break, mainly school is taking up most of my time and seeing C every week hasn't helped, soon this blog will be up to date on everything are doing and what we plan on doing in the future.

Before I forget Jr. is going to summer bible camp for a week! :)

Unwanted News

I'm not sure how to put what I'm about to say in words, nor do I believe it was true I had to call my Auntie to comfirm what my loving husband Ch told me was true. I lost my Uncle he was the one who gave me away at my wedding my brother was suppose to do the honor, until my Uncle stepped up and said no I will, since it was more of his place than my brother's.

We always had a family bond my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin who is now here in the states use to come down from Sac. and spend the day with us, or we would go up for the day and end up spending the rest of weekend with my Aunt and Uncle because my mom would have a glass of wine and that would be it. We knew were staying, for another day, they lived across the street from the school so I my brother and sister would play at the school we had a lot of fun, we use to hide from my Uncle. The three of us would run back to the house laughing because he would be searching for the three of us, or we would be sitting on steps of school while my Uncle would be walking around in circles looking for us.

Our favorite words would be oh were you looking for us? We've been here the whole time, not that he really cared one way or the other, he loved kids him and my aunt could not have any not sure why and since it was not something us kids wanted to know, we figured it was best to leave the subject alone.

Other times my Uncle and Cousin would come down without my aunt, she loved visiting us we had rabbits, chickens, and cows. It was more of a petting zoo for her for us it was work from the time got up until dusk, we did not mind it, we showed her how to hold a rabbit without getting scratched and pet the cows without getting hurt we even had her feed one out of her hand she thought it was cool. Talk about one strange Cousin living in the City she didn't get the opportunity of farm life that we had.

My Uncle R. went to be with the Lord on April 16,2010. he passed from Cancer in his throat, and in his stomach. My Aunt was with him he peacefully left her, I found out on Sunday April 18Th, I had to tell my sister and my brother that our Uncle had passed away. My sister refused to come down and spend the weekend with me, I begged her pleaded with her, she would not budge. I ended up calling her and telling her the news.

My Uncle was 67 when he passed he told the three of us to promise him we would not ride a motor cycle to this very day I still will not ride one, neither would my siblings Ch asked me why I would not get on one I finally told me because I made a promise I would not ride one that promise has been kept since I was 6 years old, or even older.

I went up to my Aunt's house the weekend before last, I didn't tell my sister I was going it was better since she seems to have enough stuff going on she didn't need to know, I even suggested her coming to stay with me for the weekend of his remembrance service to be held on June 1st. She said she's too busy.

My Uncle donated his body for research to U.S.C, that was his request. Although he is no longer with us, he created a face book profile I finally joined, I found his page went through his friends list found his daughter my cousin contacted her, then I found another Aunt who lives in IA. She will be here during Memorial weekend. Her youngest daughter lost her husband today he was a truck driver not sure what happen he leaves behind a 10 year old daughter.

Before my Uncle died Jr. and him were talking about my birthday him and my Aunt were going to come down and spend it with me. J Jr. was out spring break prior to his passing both were saying how bored they both were, my Aunt still works and since my Uncle was told to take it easy face book and my space was his outlet keeping in touch with family. Now my Aunt has to make sure she keeps in touch with the family.

My Uncle isn't suffering from the surgeries, he isn't eating three to six small meals a day, the doctors removed part of his stomach and esophagus in order to get rid of the cancer he was in remission for one year, recently he couldn't keep anything down and loosing weight fast. My Aunt took him to the doctors and found the Cancer had returned.

There was nothing the doctors could do, my Aunt took care of him, they were married for 38 years would have been 39 on Nov 1st. Even though he is gone he made everyone laugh he loved I and my bother and sister.

At least he got to see me get married I believe that was his goal in life is to see me married to some one who loves me very much. As for my two siblings my brother has to remain out of state and my sister has already said she will not be coming, life goes on.

I needed to get this off my chest, I do miss him I'm praying my Aunt will stay in Cali for a few more years. I don't want to her to move to Co, it would be too far for me to visit. We will see what the year brings.

Happy 35th Birthday

If I can think of myself as loved,
I can love and accept others. If
I see myself as forgiven, I can
be gracious toward others.
If I see myself as powerful, I
can do what I know is right.
If I see myself as full, I can
give myself freely to others.

~Kathy Peel~

Happy 16th Anniversary

It is true I and Ch have been married for that many years, which seems unreal to both of us. We celebrated our Anniversary in San Francisco last weekend, mom and dad-in-law watched both boys for us; and gave us one of their time shares to stay for the entire weekend away from home.

The weather was nice, middle sixties the room was amazing; we took a trolley down to Fisherman's wharf walked around, for a while then we headed across the street to some shops along the way, I found a place called Pick a pearl; I had seen one on the wharf near Bubba Gumps I didn't think to have stopped since there was a crowd standing around.

We decided to walk on the other side of Fisherman's wharf I wasn't sure if I should stop or keep walking I just wanted to check out their jewelery which turned out to be hey why don't you try your luck of getting a pearl? I was about to walk away when the employee of the shop suggested I take one of his coupons, so I did.

At first I wasn't all for it, then again I don't usually get anything, but hey! you never know until you try. I did what the employee said to do I said a Hawaiian blessing, the anticipation of finding a real pearl in a oyster shell is not that often, turns out my 16Th anniversary present was indeed a real black pearl.

I could not believe it! I have a black pearl that I will be put in a ring, as soon as I find a ring that I like. Ch was surprised but not as surprised as I was especially when the employee said it's worth some money, of course setting the pear in a ring is not cheap I'm already looking for a place that will set it in a ring for me.

We even took a boat ride under the Golden Gate and, around Alcatraz Island it was a nice ride; The wind was starting to pick up and the sun was going behind the clouds made it for a pretty sun set. We headed back to the hotel, and got ready for our evening out.

In stead of going back to the wharf we ate at a little Italian restaurant the food was good, then we walked over to the Cheese Cake Factory and got a two person cheese cake and brought back to the hotel room. It was a nice evening, the weather was perfect no rain, wind or fog to make our stay unpleasant.

As for our boys they had a good time with their grandparents, C was good for both of them there was no fighting or complaining from either one of them. C was a little disappointed at first but he got over it, both boys do not get to see their grandparents as often as they use to since we moved.

It's not often I and Ch get go out as much as we like to since both of our jobs have taken a financial hit, at least we are both working and making sure all the bills get paid, I'm about a month away from starting my core classes in Business management, I'm a little nervous since I will be starting on a new night and with new students who are obtaining the same degree as myself.

On a side note we had two I.E.P meetings for both boys, C will be starting his schooling down here as soon as we know there is an opening, he will be returning home around June 18Th of this year. He has made incredible progress and improvement in his behaviors and his academic level is coming together. He is showing signs of wanting to come home, which is good.

As for Jr. he is doing well, also making progress in academic skills in reading and math are improving from where he was a year ago, he is having a difficult time with his speech, so we are asking for additional help in that area.

Other wise everyone is doing well, I'm glad to be posting today, because it's raining and cold out side, and my home work is just about done for the weekend.

I have lost some of my private bloggers due to computers crashing, please send me your links through my email at summerrose06@gmail.com, that way I can set up the blogs I keep in touch with.

Every one is doing fine we expect C to be home either in May or June of this year, more on the details as soon as I can between home work and school which by the way two more years to go and debating of going for my masters haven't decided on that yet.

May the Colts win today either and if the saints win so be it.

An Eventful Year

This is one year that has made me think of what I and my family has been through, between family counseling, losing our home of 9 years and moving not once but three times in one year would make any parent lose his or her minds. Not to mention a cat in tow that some how survived the moves, it's amazing how little time is spent wondering how long this will last or what each day may bring.

I'm looking forward towards a future of good health, peace, and love for the next year. I'm done worrying about my job it is there for any one's taking; it is not my place to stress over the small stuff but to look at what I have achieved and what I'm achieving for my future. It's not about me it's about learning to let go, it is knowing friends and family that makes a person feel secure, it is knowing how far I have traveled.

It's about counting blessings every day no matter how bad of a day I'm having it's nice to come home and be loved by my boy's, it is learning to cope with one bad move to a more pleasant spacious house that I'm slowly making into a home, three stories is enough for us. Four bathrooms, four bedrooms one I've turned into an office and guest room, it's affordable and the floors are actually even.

thousand twenty-six is what we are paying it's the best we can do on a tight budget, we have struggled before and we will continue this struggle until the govenator is out office, I'm not sure if I'm voting this year, everyone wants state workers to take more furlough days which means another $100.00 from my husband. It's gotten to the point if we could move it would be to another state, but for now we are ridding out the storm.

We look forward to bringing C home for good in mid May late June, he will continue to his social services through Sac county, we have decided to return him to Spectrum where he was before his transfer to San Leandro. It's the best we can do for all of us at the moment; his outburst have diminished except when C does not get his way, we don't have to restrain C, or give him any meds he is doing exceptionally well in controlling his anger.

Although there is not many kids C can play with, it's not easy when he's away most of the time except on the weekends; I don't have to make as many trips to Castro Valley or to San Leandro, after our vacation over the summer we talked with C's therapist and explained our situation they found a way of picking up C on Sunday's and I pick him up on Friday's after work.

Ch received a call from his mother not about a month ago, she and her siblings took the keys away from Ch's grandmother, and the car was given to us. My prayer was answered, we needed another automobile since Ch will be selling his Toyota, to pay not one computer but for two, my laptop is slowly dying, we took it to best buy, the guy said it either has a virus or the motherboard is about to give up. I'm praying earnestly my laptop will last me until I get my home work accomplished in the next few days, we can not borrow any money from my father he moved to Mexico a month ago.

My mother-in-law lent us money we have to pay her back for getting us into a house that is basically falling off it's foundation and no insulation, the house has furnace and no one bothered to install smoke detectors or fix leaky faucets so we moved out, the day after Christmas. Thankfully it was month to month rent. Other wise we would not be able to move, I'm praying we get our deposit back; that will help.

For now this is all I'm going to write, I know it's not much for me it's enough; life may have thrown me a few curve balls at least I have my spirit of a fighter. I don't plan to give up but only to move forward in the coming year.

May you all have a Happy New Year!

In Memory Of J.L.

As of 10:00 a.m. pacific time my best friend Linda lost her husband to brain cancer, I was there until 1:00 a.m. this morning arrived home at 1:30 a.m. got a few hours sleep after hitting the snooze button a few times.

I have cried but not in front of Linda she needed me to be strong for her, her family is grateful for a friend like me, J.L. is now resting with the Lord; I did give him his last massage last night after I worked on Linda and her daughter who was the verge of having a panic attack.

I went over there after receiving a phone call from one of her cousins to come that J.L. had passed. The family Christmas tree will not be turned on until I feel I'm ready to have it lit, as I'm not in the holiday spirit although I did pick up a gift for a needy child, I'm not ready to celebrate the birth of our savior.

Please bare with me as I'm in grieving for the loss of a client and a friends husband.

I leave you with this:

Live from the Center is a life of unhurried

peace, and power. It is simple. It is serene....

We need not to get frantic. He is at the helm.

And when our little day is done we lie down

quietly in peace, for all is well.

Thomas Kelly

An Unwanted Call

I knew my best friends husband has brain cancer, and this morning I received the call that I have been dreading for several months. My dearest friend's daughter called me this morning around 7 a.m. here's the recap of how that conversation went; it did not take me long for me to get ready and be at her house within an hour after I received the call.

Me: Good morning

Sarah: (not her real name) Mom said you would be up, I thought she was kidding.

Me: Is every thing alright?

Sarah: No how soon can you get here...it's dad...the doctors have given him about three days to live.

Me: I'll be there as soon as I can tell your mom as soon as I get Jr. up I'll be there about 9 a.m.

Sarah: thank you

I went over to their house before church this morning, stayed until 10:20 a.m. then we went to church, after wards I brought Jr. home picked up my phone charger and headed back to Linda's (not her real name), house to see how she was holding up. I didn't care who was there or who was standing around; she needed me and I was glad to have gone, I didn't spend much time with Joe (not his real name) I figured he had enough visitors in his room that would last him a few hours to spend with his family.

Two of his brothers were traveling back to their home states, while others were flying into Oakland airport tomorrow, I'm going back tomorrow to hang out with my best friends family I know this is a difficult time for all of us. For me it's hard because he was my client, I was the first to give him a full body massage he enjoyed it after his first battle of brain cancer was won. this time he's not so lucky.

He gave himself to the Lord about six weeks ago, he knew he wasn't going to make it to see his first grandchild to be born this coming May. He knew I was there because he asked if I wouldn't mind stopping by later today and tomorrow, I left my massage cream at Linda's house I told her I'll pick it up tomorrow. Here it is 10:03 p.m.

This is all I have for now my mind is still reeling over the days events, I still have homework to do and I would like to get it done before tomorrow.

I've seen you guy's pass me....

But I never thought I would see one of you on top of k rail then having to be pulled by a tow company, although I must say truckers are either safe when driving or in a big rush with little room to move; this one started five miles back before he came to rest in the middle of the k rail. My mom in-law was on her way to work when this trucker had a mishap, the driver was going faster than the intended speed limit, mind you high way 12 is getting a new face lift at this moment in time.

The truck driver was given a ticket for reckless driving, and I'm sure his trucking company would love to see a pic of how well their driver drives this one ended up on k rail with no place to go. I didn't believe it at first until I and Ch were over at his parents house and asked if we had heard about a big rig that drove onto the k rail, we both said no. Ch being a state worker had thought was to be an accident on 12, when in fact it was this driver on k rail.

Although I must say I've seen you guys take a little more road than necessary but I guess your just one of those unlucky ones to find themselves up off the road.

Please be sure to read the posting on high way 12 they do say 45 miles per hour and for a good reason. Please be sure to know there is k rail ahead.

Finally I can Blog Again

I wasn't aiming to take a long break from posting, it just happened to be two classes that took up most of my blogging time, one of them was History or Religions I will be throwing that book in the recycle been outside. Or I could let C have a stab at it and let him use it for scratch paper, even though I did pass the class with some out side of team members help; I was very happy to be out of that one. My next class seems to have me in stitches Human Motivation, this will be my last week of it, if there was anything I learned is make sure there is not a typhoon around to knock out power and the Internet! I spent at least 5 minutes getting my Internet up and running my mind drew a blank for at least three days before I could come up with a final topic to write.
Yep writers block doesn't help when I'm pressed for time.

As for my boys they are doing very well Jr. turned 15 years old last month, C turned 9 on Monday I'll have to find a way of getting pictures of the boys and their friends on here. I've attended meetings with C's counselor by myself Ch is working days and is unable to leave work because he's in charge of two ferries that run between the two islands, that has been overtime in a half for him, which is good since we found out Ch is in need of glasses now there are three of us wearing glasses, I keep telling myself all in due time I'll have a better paying job so I can have laser eye surgery done. Which will save us a lot of money on eye wear I would get contacts I'm afraid of getting dust in them since we live in a farming community, I don't think they would be ideal for where we moved to.

Jr is starting to cope with a high school better no more mishaps for the time being knock-on-wood, he missed a week of school due to a head cold thank god! The teachers have been bringing bottled water to school and selling it to students for 75 cents which is a pretty good idea since the scare of Swine Flu has become one of the fastest killing flues around. In the town where I work a child had died from it, school officials closed the school until Monday; with a shortage of the shot and I do not know the side effects of it with both boys with behavioral and mild mentally slow I'm not sure if I would trust this kind of shot.

We have told our clients if you come in not feeling well or if you feel that you are coming down with a cold of any kind please rebook for another time, we cannot afford to close the clinic down due to illnesses. Although Cali is worst off than most state in the Union we're feeling the pinch at work, Friday was the first time I received any tips over $6.00 dollars which is pretty good for a Friday usually we're busy lately it's been the opposite we've slow.

Other times I'm booked solid without getting a lunch break only to go home an hour early which did not make a good paycheck since I had to take Jr to get his braces adjusted, he's had them for a year already and his mouth is starting to shape real nice. He's got a least another two years of wearing them.

I'm starting to get use to our new place but we're having issues with the landlord after our big storm that came through I found the roof has a leak which has been repaired, I've talked to the real estate company that we're renting from they can not get a hold of the guy who owns it so we can go over suggestions and repair the roof. Apparently he's got money but doesn't care about the way his rental house is, I've told Ch one more thing goes wrong with this house I'm finding another place to live! I don't care if they did put in new flooring and a new gas range, if the owner would listen to the neighbors who live next to us, and take a close look at the roof himself, he's told me the last time he came to fix the sink in the bathroom, (the only full bathroom in the house) the roof needs to be fixed new carpet needs to be put in because of cat pee smells up the house when I turn on the furnace which doesn't work all that well.

As you see it's a list of repairs that has gotten the best of me, I don't mind the extra commute I would love to find a new job that would work around C's counseling and schooling but right now I have to be patient and pray that I can get through this, believe me there are times when I want to through up my hands and say I quit, I'm done, I've had enough. I know I can not do that, I've been asked to join the church choir, I called my new Pastor from Nebraska, I explained to him I'm in school and not a member of the church he said he didn't care as long as I can carry a tune.

I said okay I'll do it,I'm hoping I'm not making a mistake between team meetings and homework I'm willing to try this out, I haven't sang in front of a group of people since high school this should be interesting. I'm pretty it's just like riding a bike after a long time of being off of one and you get back on you remember, I'm praying that is what this will be like. We'll see.

It's almost 11:00 p.m. every one is in bed I didn't sleep very well last night because I was stress over a homework assignment that needed to be sent off to a class mate of mine I got it accomplished almost an hour ago, and I ended up being a Snap Dragon because I caught my son's head cold Thank you so much I love him dearly.

Ended up yelling at my two son's and a friend of oldest because they kept getting loud while I was trying to focus on getting a paper done and being on the phone long distance with my brother and a uncle who is in remission of colon cancer, he's coming to my house for dinner on Oct 7Th I can't wait to see him and his wife he gave me away at my wedding he's been a second dad to me when my other uncle wasn't around. Not feeling well didn't help much either, of course both boys are wanting to go to church tomorrow, I told them I would take them as long as I was feeling better.

This is all for now, I'll read those of you when in between class assignments.