How do I find my list of bloggers?

I have thought about writing for quit some time now, just haven't had the chance to blog. I miss makes be feel so much better once I get my thoughts out and not have so much clutter, today I decided to do some reading low and behold I lost all of my favorite blogger. My guess is Google changed their settings or something happen hell if I know, but at least whatever happen to my favorite blogger at least I have a place to vent.

So what has Summer rose have been doing? Still attending school I have a year and a half left I'm feeling good about accomplishing something without quitting although there have been a few times I felt the need to quit, the impact out weighed the consequences so I managed to keep going and keep dreaming. Both have kept from not losing my mind, at least both of my boys will have some say in the matter when they get older.

Jr. is a sophomore this year in high school, he wants to attend a community college in Idaho where his Uncle lives I'm a little torn by his wanting to venture out after high school, but I also know the choice is his to make I can't stop him. His reading is getting better everyday he's got a good R.S.P teacher which is good, at first he put up a fight of wanting to transfer to another high school after we had him attend an IEP meeting ( Individual Education Plan) he realized how much his mom has to collaborate with teachers and other staff members.

He learned real quick mom finds out everything, and now he's brought up his grades in history, P.E. and a few other classes along the way, his teachers admire his progress. He's reading at a third grade level, I explained to him he needs to start setting up reading goals and see how many he can accomplish by the end of the school year. We are both going to be working hard toward his reading goals.

As the day and months have worn on there is a grey cloud hanging over our loving family and it's one that I have to share. As I had mention a few months back C came home for good it's been about 5 months since I and Ch had brought C home, at first his behavior was positive at school and at home, recently that has changed he started hitting again threaten to run away which he tried to do luckily he didn't get too far, punched holes in his bedroom walls which Ch and I have to patch I ended up taking all of his toys out of his room again. Not something I was looking forward to doing.

Tonight we had family therapy and told C and the therapist we will not tolerate any more bad behaviors C knows his negative behavior doesn't do him any good but only gets everyone angry. He also knows if it continues we as his parents have the right to have him physically removed from the home, it's not that we don't love him or don't want him. It's the fact once again I'm being hit when C is in a bad mood, it's not easy living with a child who constantly pushes everyone around him.

I know he doesn't have any friends to play with except for the xbox and a bike to ride, it's not easy for him to not have any one to play with. At the same time I, Ch, and his older brother play games with him take him out fishing when Ch is going with his dad. Other times he's watching t.v. I know it's tough on him not having any one his own age to play with, there isn't much I can do about it at the moment. C is good about completing his chores except for cleaning his room for some reason he has a hard time with that task, maybe it's a boy thing I don't know.

With every thing going on with both boys they are both getting along just fine, sure they have their sibbling moments at least it's not like it use to be. J has been able to keep his wits about him and not cause trouble, I've gotten to the point to give J a lot of free time. J helps with cleaning the house while I work late on Fridays by the time I get home from work the house looks nice he's a real whiz at cleaning. Since he has youth group at the Church we attend he stays in R.V. and hangs out with his friends, it's good for him to be with his friends he grew up with. Living 5 minutes away from R.V. has taken a toll on J, he understands why we had to move but he still misses living in R.V. and I don't blame him so do I.

Last but not least, Ch brought home a kitten from work. He couldn't help himself she was stuck in one of the buildings out at the Real McCoy ferry on Highway 84, he couldn't resist. Come to find out at least 30 cats live out there, this one was either dumped or the mother abandon her Ch, pictured text me and said look what I'm bringing home, at first I thought he was kidding and when I text him again he said he wasn't. Her name is Squeakers, at first I wasn't sure if she was going to make it. I told Ch we should've named her faith, because she made it through the first 72 hours of being with us, she's been bottle fed for the last three weeks from the information I found she's about ready for kitten Chow.

Well this all for now I'm going to be working on blogging a lot more in the coming weeks that way I can start clearing my thoughts, I need to do this more often I forgot how much stress I can releave just from getting my thoughts out of my head.

Happy Holidays to those who are still interested in reading.

A little Venting

Since C will be arriving July 16Th with all of his stuff he has collected and other belongings, I and Ch finally told C he will be coming home on July 16Th for good. No more bridge toll unless one of the kids needs to see the doc, and how we broke the news was over breakfast before leaving to Ch's co-workers house, the co-workers wife will be watching C on Friday afternoons since I don't arrive home until 5:00 p.m. because I work late, since I only work three days out of the week and I cannot cut my hours at work the co-workers wife said she would watch C for us.

That is not the part that bothers me the most, is the fact my in-laws took it all in stride, no words of I'm proud of you, positive comments that my mother would have said. Not a damn thing did they say both of them knew before C knew he was coming home.

What pisses me off the most is neither one of them care to even say I'm so proud of you what the hell! IT'S THEIR GRANDSON! Not one word did they say hey summer and Ch I'm happy he is coming home for good. We're proud of the hard work you have done with C, I'm to the point I want to move out of state so no one has the right to our boy's.

Is this the way grand kids are to be treated or acknowledged for his or her hard work give me a break! I've done all I can tried to make Ch's parents respect me all I get is you know the boys are out front you should be helping them with the water balloons well excuse me for having homework during a holiday weekend! And I'm sorry if getting good grades is what matters most to his parents!

I'm to the point of not telling them stuff about either one of the boys they don't care, since Ch's sister has gotten married and is off on the weekends. It's more about them, I guess being married for 15 yrs that is to be expected of them, it's like I don't matter to either of them. I've come to accepted it and finally have come to terms with it.

I know it's my fault for coming between Ch and his dad, I realize it now. As for his mother we don't say much to each other, ever since I told her I would be attending University of Phoenix, she had the nerve of saying why don't you attend the Community College it's cheaper and they help you. I did not like the Community College and after talking with the staff at University of Phoenix I had a better opportunity of having better access to the instructors and guess what I'm happy.

Because I choose the school that meets my learning needs, it's my choice of what college to attend, I'm sorry for not having the brains she has. But at least I know somewhere down the road I will have a better paying job, to support my family and loving my family is more important than dealing with his parents.

Sorry for venting but I needed to get this off of my chest, and maybe it was wrong of me to do my homework on the 4Th of July, Ch understood where I was coming from and is supportive for going back to school even though it's been tough but I'm succeeding.

It's Summer Already!!

Here it is almost the end of June and I come back from taking an unwanted break and find blogger has changed their settings! Being that I love to mess with settings I thought I would at least give it a shot so here is my new look for new beginnings. I have found that being away from here has taken a toll on me I miss the ones I comment on, I also miss the ones that use to be on here, you know who your leave a message on my GMail account just let me know you are doing well.

In other thoughts of writing I might as well tell my readers or what is left of them, I and Ch are doing very well, C will be discharged from the bay area on July 16Th 2010, I and Ch are a little nervous, excited, and hopeful, C has made a lot of progress in his abilities of controlling his moods both at home and at school, he is in between grades in school. Meaning he can handle 3rd grade math but his reading is in the 4Th grade, he has no idea he is coming home next month.

We were advised to wait until July 4Th weekend to tell him, I am happy he's able to return home without med of any kind only verbal directions C is able to control his emotions. We are grateful for a wonderful family therapist and the staff for helping C when he needed to be directed to do his work. C is able to tell us what is bothering him and how he is feeling when he is here on the weekends.

As for our oldest he just finished his first year of high school I cannot believe he will be a sophomore on Aug 16Th, he was barely starting school, now a high school student! He is doing well we had a tough first year of high school teachers not wanting to help us with homework so J Jr. would have a better understanding of math his reading is coming along, I'm not pushing him to do well there he's gotten the concepts of reading.

I just completed another class this time accounting squeaked by with a C+ I'm proud and happy to have passed it! I still don't know all the concepts of accounting but for now I'm not worried about it, if I need it in the future I'll keep the book just in case, I'll use it for a reference. If not I'll use for a coaster!

My hubby or to those who know him best Ch is doing well, he is still an acting supervisor with the state cutting their staff and individuals retiring they haven't found anyone to take his place so he can step down and be a lead worker. Knock-On-Wood! I like having him on days he's home when I'm home I don't have to worry about a baby sitter when I have to attend school.

I would rather him working the day shift especially with C, coming home I would rather have both of us at home during the week except when I have school, and both of us are here we can at least try to have family dinners as much as possible.

This is all for now I'm sorry for a long break, mainly school is taking up most of my time and seeing C every week hasn't helped, soon this blog will be up to date on everything are doing and what we plan on doing in the future.

Before I forget Jr. is going to summer bible camp for a week! :)

Unwanted News

I'm not sure how to put what I'm about to say in words, nor do I believe it was true I had to call my Auntie to comfirm what my loving husband Ch told me was true. I lost my Uncle he was the one who gave me away at my wedding my brother was suppose to do the honor, until my Uncle stepped up and said no I will, since it was more of his place than my brother's.

We always had a family bond my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin who is now here in the states use to come down from Sac. and spend the day with us, or we would go up for the day and end up spending the rest of weekend with my Aunt and Uncle because my mom would have a glass of wine and that would be it. We knew were staying, for another day, they lived across the street from the school so I my brother and sister would play at the school we had a lot of fun, we use to hide from my Uncle. The three of us would run back to the house laughing because he would be searching for the three of us, or we would be sitting on steps of school while my Uncle would be walking around in circles looking for us.

Our favorite words would be oh were you looking for us? We've been here the whole time, not that he really cared one way or the other, he loved kids him and my aunt could not have any not sure why and since it was not something us kids wanted to know, we figured it was best to leave the subject alone.

Other times my Uncle and Cousin would come down without my aunt, she loved visiting us we had rabbits, chickens, and cows. It was more of a petting zoo for her for us it was work from the time got up until dusk, we did not mind it, we showed her how to hold a rabbit without getting scratched and pet the cows without getting hurt we even had her feed one out of her hand she thought it was cool. Talk about one strange Cousin living in the City she didn't get the opportunity of farm life that we had.

My Uncle R. went to be with the Lord on April 16,2010. he passed from Cancer in his throat, and in his stomach. My Aunt was with him he peacefully left her, I found out on Sunday April 18Th, I had to tell my sister and my brother that our Uncle had passed away. My sister refused to come down and spend the weekend with me, I begged her pleaded with her, she would not budge. I ended up calling her and telling her the news.

My Uncle was 67 when he passed he told the three of us to promise him we would not ride a motor cycle to this very day I still will not ride one, neither would my siblings Ch asked me why I would not get on one I finally told me because I made a promise I would not ride one that promise has been kept since I was 6 years old, or even older.

I went up to my Aunt's house the weekend before last, I didn't tell my sister I was going it was better since she seems to have enough stuff going on she didn't need to know, I even suggested her coming to stay with me for the weekend of his remembrance service to be held on June 1st. She said she's too busy.

My Uncle donated his body for research to U.S.C, that was his request. Although he is no longer with us, he created a face book profile I finally joined, I found his page went through his friends list found his daughter my cousin contacted her, then I found another Aunt who lives in IA. She will be here during Memorial weekend. Her youngest daughter lost her husband today he was a truck driver not sure what happen he leaves behind a 10 year old daughter.

Before my Uncle died Jr. and him were talking about my birthday him and my Aunt were going to come down and spend it with me. J Jr. was out spring break prior to his passing both were saying how bored they both were, my Aunt still works and since my Uncle was told to take it easy face book and my space was his outlet keeping in touch with family. Now my Aunt has to make sure she keeps in touch with the family.

My Uncle isn't suffering from the surgeries, he isn't eating three to six small meals a day, the doctors removed part of his stomach and esophagus in order to get rid of the cancer he was in remission for one year, recently he couldn't keep anything down and loosing weight fast. My Aunt took him to the doctors and found the Cancer had returned.

There was nothing the doctors could do, my Aunt took care of him, they were married for 38 years would have been 39 on Nov 1st. Even though he is gone he made everyone laugh he loved I and my bother and sister.

At least he got to see me get married I believe that was his goal in life is to see me married to some one who loves me very much. As for my two siblings my brother has to remain out of state and my sister has already said she will not be coming, life goes on.

I needed to get this off my chest, I do miss him I'm praying my Aunt will stay in Cali for a few more years. I don't want to her to move to Co, it would be too far for me to visit. We will see what the year brings.

Happy 35th Birthday

If I can think of myself as loved,
I can love and accept others. If
I see myself as forgiven, I can
be gracious toward others.
If I see myself as powerful, I
can do what I know is right.
If I see myself as full, I can
give myself freely to others.

~Kathy Peel~

Happy 16th Anniversary

It is true I and Ch have been married for that many years, which seems unreal to both of us. We celebrated our Anniversary in San Francisco last weekend, mom and dad-in-law watched both boys for us; and gave us one of their time shares to stay for the entire weekend away from home.

The weather was nice, middle sixties the room was amazing; we took a trolley down to Fisherman's wharf walked around, for a while then we headed across the street to some shops along the way, I found a place called Pick a pearl; I had seen one on the wharf near Bubba Gumps I didn't think to have stopped since there was a crowd standing around.

We decided to walk on the other side of Fisherman's wharf I wasn't sure if I should stop or keep walking I just wanted to check out their jewelery which turned out to be hey why don't you try your luck of getting a pearl? I was about to walk away when the employee of the shop suggested I take one of his coupons, so I did.

At first I wasn't all for it, then again I don't usually get anything, but hey! you never know until you try. I did what the employee said to do I said a Hawaiian blessing, the anticipation of finding a real pearl in a oyster shell is not that often, turns out my 16Th anniversary present was indeed a real black pearl.

I could not believe it! I have a black pearl that I will be put in a ring, as soon as I find a ring that I like. Ch was surprised but not as surprised as I was especially when the employee said it's worth some money, of course setting the pear in a ring is not cheap I'm already looking for a place that will set it in a ring for me.

We even took a boat ride under the Golden Gate and, around Alcatraz Island it was a nice ride; The wind was starting to pick up and the sun was going behind the clouds made it for a pretty sun set. We headed back to the hotel, and got ready for our evening out.

In stead of going back to the wharf we ate at a little Italian restaurant the food was good, then we walked over to the Cheese Cake Factory and got a two person cheese cake and brought back to the hotel room. It was a nice evening, the weather was perfect no rain, wind or fog to make our stay unpleasant.

As for our boys they had a good time with their grandparents, C was good for both of them there was no fighting or complaining from either one of them. C was a little disappointed at first but he got over it, both boys do not get to see their grandparents as often as they use to since we moved.

It's not often I and Ch get go out as much as we like to since both of our jobs have taken a financial hit, at least we are both working and making sure all the bills get paid, I'm about a month away from starting my core classes in Business management, I'm a little nervous since I will be starting on a new night and with new students who are obtaining the same degree as myself.

On a side note we had two I.E.P meetings for both boys, C will be starting his schooling down here as soon as we know there is an opening, he will be returning home around June 18Th of this year. He has made incredible progress and improvement in his behaviors and his academic level is coming together. He is showing signs of wanting to come home, which is good.

As for Jr. he is doing well, also making progress in academic skills in reading and math are improving from where he was a year ago, he is having a difficult time with his speech, so we are asking for additional help in that area.

Other wise everyone is doing well, I'm glad to be posting today, because it's raining and cold out side, and my home work is just about done for the weekend.

I have lost some of my private bloggers due to computers crashing, please send me your links through my email at summerrose06@gmail.com, that way I can set up the blogs I keep in touch with.

Every one is doing fine we expect C to be home either in May or June of this year, more on the details as soon as I can between home work and school which by the way two more years to go and debating of going for my masters haven't decided on that yet.

May the Colts win today either and if the saints win so be it.

An Eventful Year

This is one year that has made me think of what I and my family has been through, between family counseling, losing our home of 9 years and moving not once but three times in one year would make any parent lose his or her minds. Not to mention a cat in tow that some how survived the moves, it's amazing how little time is spent wondering how long this will last or what each day may bring.

I'm looking forward towards a future of good health, peace, and love for the next year. I'm done worrying about my job it is there for any one's taking; it is not my place to stress over the small stuff but to look at what I have achieved and what I'm achieving for my future. It's not about me it's about learning to let go, it is knowing friends and family that makes a person feel secure, it is knowing how far I have traveled.

It's about counting blessings every day no matter how bad of a day I'm having it's nice to come home and be loved by my boy's, it is learning to cope with one bad move to a more pleasant spacious house that I'm slowly making into a home, three stories is enough for us. Four bathrooms, four bedrooms one I've turned into an office and guest room, it's affordable and the floors are actually even.

thousand twenty-six is what we are paying it's the best we can do on a tight budget, we have struggled before and we will continue this struggle until the govenator is out office, I'm not sure if I'm voting this year, everyone wants state workers to take more furlough days which means another $100.00 from my husband. It's gotten to the point if we could move it would be to another state, but for now we are ridding out the storm.

We look forward to bringing C home for good in mid May late June, he will continue to his social services through Sac county, we have decided to return him to Spectrum where he was before his transfer to San Leandro. It's the best we can do for all of us at the moment; his outburst have diminished except when C does not get his way, we don't have to restrain C, or give him any meds he is doing exceptionally well in controlling his anger.

Although there is not many kids C can play with, it's not easy when he's away most of the time except on the weekends; I don't have to make as many trips to Castro Valley or to San Leandro, after our vacation over the summer we talked with C's therapist and explained our situation they found a way of picking up C on Sunday's and I pick him up on Friday's after work.

Ch received a call from his mother not about a month ago, she and her siblings took the keys away from Ch's grandmother, and the car was given to us. My prayer was answered, we needed another automobile since Ch will be selling his Toyota, to pay not one computer but for two, my laptop is slowly dying, we took it to best buy, the guy said it either has a virus or the motherboard is about to give up. I'm praying earnestly my laptop will last me until I get my home work accomplished in the next few days, we can not borrow any money from my father he moved to Mexico a month ago.

My mother-in-law lent us money we have to pay her back for getting us into a house that is basically falling off it's foundation and no insulation, the house has furnace and no one bothered to install smoke detectors or fix leaky faucets so we moved out, the day after Christmas. Thankfully it was month to month rent. Other wise we would not be able to move, I'm praying we get our deposit back; that will help.

For now this is all I'm going to write, I know it's not much for me it's enough; life may have thrown me a few curve balls at least I have my spirit of a fighter. I don't plan to give up but only to move forward in the coming year.

May you all have a Happy New Year!

In Memory Of J.L.

As of 10:00 a.m. pacific time my best friend Linda lost her husband to brain cancer, I was there until 1:00 a.m. this morning arrived home at 1:30 a.m. got a few hours sleep after hitting the snooze button a few times.

I have cried but not in front of Linda she needed me to be strong for her, her family is grateful for a friend like me, J.L. is now resting with the Lord; I did give him his last massage last night after I worked on Linda and her daughter who was the verge of having a panic attack.

I went over there after receiving a phone call from one of her cousins to come that J.L. had passed. The family Christmas tree will not be turned on until I feel I'm ready to have it lit, as I'm not in the holiday spirit although I did pick up a gift for a needy child, I'm not ready to celebrate the birth of our savior.

Please bare with me as I'm in grieving for the loss of a client and a friends husband.

I leave you with this:

Live from the Center is a life of unhurried

peace, and power. It is simple. It is serene....

We need not to get frantic. He is at the helm.

And when our little day is done we lie down

quietly in peace, for all is well.

Thomas Kelly

An Unwanted Call

I knew my best friends husband has brain cancer, and this morning I received the call that I have been dreading for several months. My dearest friend's daughter called me this morning around 7 a.m. here's the recap of how that conversation went; it did not take me long for me to get ready and be at her house within an hour after I received the call.

Me: Good morning

Sarah: (not her real name) Mom said you would be up, I thought she was kidding.

Me: Is every thing alright?

Sarah: No how soon can you get here...it's dad...the doctors have given him about three days to live.

Me: I'll be there as soon as I can tell your mom as soon as I get Jr. up I'll be there about 9 a.m.

Sarah: thank you

I went over to their house before church this morning, stayed until 10:20 a.m. then we went to church, after wards I brought Jr. home picked up my phone charger and headed back to Linda's (not her real name), house to see how she was holding up. I didn't care who was there or who was standing around; she needed me and I was glad to have gone, I didn't spend much time with Joe (not his real name) I figured he had enough visitors in his room that would last him a few hours to spend with his family.

Two of his brothers were traveling back to their home states, while others were flying into Oakland airport tomorrow, I'm going back tomorrow to hang out with my best friends family I know this is a difficult time for all of us. For me it's hard because he was my client, I was the first to give him a full body massage he enjoyed it after his first battle of brain cancer was won. this time he's not so lucky.

He gave himself to the Lord about six weeks ago, he knew he wasn't going to make it to see his first grandchild to be born this coming May. He knew I was there because he asked if I wouldn't mind stopping by later today and tomorrow, I left my massage cream at Linda's house I told her I'll pick it up tomorrow. Here it is 10:03 p.m.

This is all I have for now my mind is still reeling over the days events, I still have homework to do and I would like to get it done before tomorrow.

I've seen you guy's pass me....

But I never thought I would see one of you on top of k rail then having to be pulled by a tow company, although I must say truckers are either safe when driving or in a big rush with little room to move; this one started five miles back before he came to rest in the middle of the k rail. My mom in-law was on her way to work when this trucker had a mishap, the driver was going faster than the intended speed limit, mind you high way 12 is getting a new face lift at this moment in time.

The truck driver was given a ticket for reckless driving, and I'm sure his trucking company would love to see a pic of how well their driver drives this one ended up on k rail with no place to go. I didn't believe it at first until I and Ch were over at his parents house and asked if we had heard about a big rig that drove onto the k rail, we both said no. Ch being a state worker had thought was to be an accident on 12, when in fact it was this driver on k rail.

Although I must say I've seen you guys take a little more road than necessary but I guess your just one of those unlucky ones to find themselves up off the road.

Please be sure to read the posting on high way 12 they do say 45 miles per hour and for a good reason. Please be sure to know there is k rail ahead.

Finally I can Blog Again

I wasn't aiming to take a long break from posting, it just happened to be two classes that took up most of my blogging time, one of them was History or Religions I will be throwing that book in the recycle been outside. Or I could let C have a stab at it and let him use it for scratch paper, even though I did pass the class with some out side of team members help; I was very happy to be out of that one. My next class seems to have me in stitches Human Motivation, this will be my last week of it, if there was anything I learned is make sure there is not a typhoon around to knock out power and the Internet! I spent at least 5 minutes getting my Internet up and running my mind drew a blank for at least three days before I could come up with a final topic to write.
Yep writers block doesn't help when I'm pressed for time.

As for my boys they are doing very well Jr. turned 15 years old last month, C turned 9 on Monday I'll have to find a way of getting pictures of the boys and their friends on here. I've attended meetings with C's counselor by myself Ch is working days and is unable to leave work because he's in charge of two ferries that run between the two islands, that has been overtime in a half for him, which is good since we found out Ch is in need of glasses now there are three of us wearing glasses, I keep telling myself all in due time I'll have a better paying job so I can have laser eye surgery done. Which will save us a lot of money on eye wear I would get contacts I'm afraid of getting dust in them since we live in a farming community, I don't think they would be ideal for where we moved to.

Jr is starting to cope with a high school better no more mishaps for the time being knock-on-wood, he missed a week of school due to a head cold thank god! The teachers have been bringing bottled water to school and selling it to students for 75 cents which is a pretty good idea since the scare of Swine Flu has become one of the fastest killing flues around. In the town where I work a child had died from it, school officials closed the school until Monday; with a shortage of the shot and I do not know the side effects of it with both boys with behavioral and mild mentally slow I'm not sure if I would trust this kind of shot.

We have told our clients if you come in not feeling well or if you feel that you are coming down with a cold of any kind please rebook for another time, we cannot afford to close the clinic down due to illnesses. Although Cali is worst off than most state in the Union we're feeling the pinch at work, Friday was the first time I received any tips over $6.00 dollars which is pretty good for a Friday usually we're busy lately it's been the opposite we've slow.

Other times I'm booked solid without getting a lunch break only to go home an hour early which did not make a good paycheck since I had to take Jr to get his braces adjusted, he's had them for a year already and his mouth is starting to shape real nice. He's got a least another two years of wearing them.

I'm starting to get use to our new place but we're having issues with the landlord after our big storm that came through I found the roof has a leak which has been repaired, I've talked to the real estate company that we're renting from they can not get a hold of the guy who owns it so we can go over suggestions and repair the roof. Apparently he's got money but doesn't care about the way his rental house is, I've told Ch one more thing goes wrong with this house I'm finding another place to live! I don't care if they did put in new flooring and a new gas range, if the owner would listen to the neighbors who live next to us, and take a close look at the roof himself, he's told me the last time he came to fix the sink in the bathroom, (the only full bathroom in the house) the roof needs to be fixed new carpet needs to be put in because of cat pee smells up the house when I turn on the furnace which doesn't work all that well.

As you see it's a list of repairs that has gotten the best of me, I don't mind the extra commute I would love to find a new job that would work around C's counseling and schooling but right now I have to be patient and pray that I can get through this, believe me there are times when I want to through up my hands and say I quit, I'm done, I've had enough. I know I can not do that, I've been asked to join the church choir, I called my new Pastor from Nebraska, I explained to him I'm in school and not a member of the church he said he didn't care as long as I can carry a tune.

I said okay I'll do it,I'm hoping I'm not making a mistake between team meetings and homework I'm willing to try this out, I haven't sang in front of a group of people since high school this should be interesting. I'm pretty it's just like riding a bike after a long time of being off of one and you get back on you remember, I'm praying that is what this will be like. We'll see.

It's almost 11:00 p.m. every one is in bed I didn't sleep very well last night because I was stress over a homework assignment that needed to be sent off to a class mate of mine I got it accomplished almost an hour ago, and I ended up being a Snap Dragon because I caught my son's head cold Thank you so much I love him dearly.

Ended up yelling at my two son's and a friend of oldest because they kept getting loud while I was trying to focus on getting a paper done and being on the phone long distance with my brother and a uncle who is in remission of colon cancer, he's coming to my house for dinner on Oct 7Th I can't wait to see him and his wife he gave me away at my wedding he's been a second dad to me when my other uncle wasn't around. Not feeling well didn't help much either, of course both boys are wanting to go to church tomorrow, I told them I would take them as long as I was feeling better.

This is all for now, I'll read those of you when in between class assignments.

Suspended

And if you think having a teenager for a son is fun! Try three weeks into your kiddo's freshmen year and he or she is already suspened for teasing! Yep and school has not been in for a month!

It all started two weeks ago when I recieved a phone call from the V.P. telling me I need to talk to my son about teasing other students I comfronted him about it, the minute he got home from school he claims he wasn't the one who started it, usually I can tell when my son is lying through his teeth; I told him to stay away from the other kids who think it is cool to be picking on other kids because sooner or later some one is going to get hurt.

Sure enough my best friend calls me on her cell, hey did you know your son is in the office? What I just left my grandmother's house because she is not allowed to drive (another story another time). So anyways she lets Jr. talk to me he gets into more trouble for talking on her cell phone, tells me he's in trouble because another kid tripped him in p.e. class. I'm not sure if I want to believe him or not since he's been caught teasing other students at breaks, which I don't get Jr. is pretty much a kid that won't say much, or fight back.

Today I get a phone call do you mind coming down to the high school so we can talk? Um no I was just there I have class tonight and won't be able to meet with you today, how about Friday? that will not work because I won't be getting back into town until 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. I have to pick up Jr's brother and I work late on Fridays. Is there any time that you are not busy? Uh no
I'm a working mother who is back in school for a second time because the job I have doesn't pay enough and I have to travel every thursday for family meetings for C.

Mrs R. it is really important that we meet sure how about Monday at 3:15 p.m. What the hell! you think by now the school would have said something two weeks before this happened and top it off Jr was punched in the back by another student because Jr wouldn't go with this kid to the police staition because of the kid's missing bike. So he decides to punch him in the back, the other kid did get suspended for hitting Jr, this time once again Jr. is now suspended. By the time I'm done with this damn school district I'll be glad Jr will be graduating from high school.

As for college fat chance of Jr. getting a high school diploma because he is mild mental retarded so there goes his chance of a college education. And yet teachers want to know is there anything we can do for him? Try finding him work that is his grade level for once in his school years! So on Monday I get to meet with the V.P. and his R.S.P teacher and figure what the hell is going on in the meantime I've cancelled his first ever birthday party and he can forget about his first school dance.

And fishing with one of his friends is out of the question, right now I'm too pissed off to even care if he ever leaves this house. Other kids can not believe he's getting picked on once again, and the V.P. and teacher thinks my son is doing the teasing, which they say he's been doing a lot of since school has started I've talked to him about it I've discussed severe consequences for his behavior looks like I'm going to find out the truth on Monday.

I went as far as leaving a message on the V.P.'s phone letting her know Jr has always gotten picked on teased for wearing glasses and braces, and I want my son transferred out of this high school as soon as possible I'm getting annoyed with him coming home in a bad mood and not wanting to get up in the morning because he's tired of getting teased. I'm hoping someone else gets the same treatment as my son and see how the shoe fits.

Yep my week just ended crappy.

Moving

The title is correct we are moving to another town outside the one we have lived in for the last 10 years, the house we are moving into is slanted so our washer will need supports our gas dryer is useless at the moment until we can get a certified plumber to hook up a gas line to it. For now it will be another home without the worries of being foreclosed on, which is a good thing. Our neighbors we have come to know and like are sadden of our departure; no one thought we would be the ones to go through the process of losing our home of 8 years.

We are doing well Jr just started his first year of high school last week he didn't want to box up his room he thought the longer he put it off the more the mortgage company would reconsider I explained to him that would not be possible even though I did look into getting our mortgage payment down, when I talked to the person on the phone he explained to me the mortgage company would want a thousand dollars to get the paper work started and $2300.00 for the lawyer fees, we do not have that type of money.


Ch took a 15% pay cut this year due to the states budget, my hours have been steady there isn't much to tell there just like any other job it has it's moments. My brother knows I have lost my home and my sister has not bothered to come up to help, she told my 93 year old godmother who is in a convalescent home because she had taken her third fall, which put her there. I did not tell her because she is sad and depressed and this was the last thing she needed my sister thought it was best to tell her.


I was not happy when I found out she had told her, and how I found out was my god mothers sister in law she called me up and asked how the move was going? And informed me my god mother already knows. My god mother's former student who happens to be older than myself has also lost his house and was moving back to the town were I grew up.

As for C he will not be with us this weekend we thought it would be best for him to stay in the bay area, due to our move and since change can take a toll on emotions and tempers we did talk to his therapist about our decision she agreed with us. We did take him to look at the new home he found his room and can not wait for next weekend to visit.

Here it is Tuesday it's been a long drawn out weekend, even though I was suppose to be off yesterday thankfully I did not have to work, which made my day. There is still a lot of work to do at our former home, on my way out of my former neighborhood I stopped by my neighbors house and said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. R. (shorten for their last name) Mr. R was sad to see us leave, he couldn't believe we lost our home it's one of those mishaps in life, at least we have each other, family and friends who care for us.

I believe life is about living, giving a helping hand when needed, and lots of love when all else fails, and prayers for those who loose hope and laughter to chase away the blues. For now this all I've got it's been a long weekend, and more packing and unpacking needs to be done, I've got a bad headache which is causing me to lose focus on what I want to write I figure this is enough for now.

Numb Part II

After thinking and praying, I have decided to reveal the truth. Mind you any comment that is not welcome will be deleted; I want you all to know placing C was the hardest thing I and Ch has had to do, I knew from the moment we dropped off C last year we were putting C at risk of restrains, at the same time having C at a place that we had both looked into was and will be a safe place for children with behavior problems, what we did not expect was inappropriate touches; Not by staff by other children.


We found out right before Jr's graduation, C's therapist explained to us that a situation had occurred two nights prior to our family therapy, neither one of us knew about this until the morning we had arrived. C use to have a roommate, until this incident had occurred C became panicky when his roommate would be in room as C was; C said his roommate would try to close the closet door on him or try to look at while he was changing. C explained that he was not feeling comfortable having him around, C would go into panic mode in result he would get a level dropped.


As the boys were settling down to bed the other boy made advances on C, which put C into hysteric's the night staff heard the both boys not settling and C was getting more agitated; the more noise C would make the more the staff became concerned. After several minutes the night staff asked to speak with C, when he walked out of his room he had his pj top on and no bottoms the night staff asked C to go back into the room and get his pj bottoms and return to the hall way. C did as he was told, C of course was pretty much in shock at this point he wasn't sure if he was the one that was going to be in trouble for not being in bed, he ended up not sleeping well which resulted him not getting up and leaving for school promptly.

The staff thought it would be a good idea for C to spend the night in the living room, since the incident happened around bed time his response to the staff's desion was "I sleep on the couch at home why do I need to sleep on the couch here?" The saff got a laugh out of a bad situation, C promptly recovered from the incident, we saw him the next morning he seemed fine until bed time arrived then it was hell on wheels. C refused to go to bed, he did not want anything to do with his room here at home, we finally got him to sleep with his radio on.

About two or three weeks later C was switched to another room, the same thing happened this time with clothes on, this time I received the call Ch was at work. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What the hell we just got done with one incident now a second; I asked his counselor who's fault was it this time! I don't need this I've got health issues that I'm dealing with! She explained to me the staff member that was just hired was sleeping on the couch when the incident took place the staff member was fired.

C was in the process of getting his own room with no one in there with him, she was very upset and so was the manager who sees to all the staff members that care for the children. By the time I arrived to pick up C he was willing to leave, on our way home I explained to C that our power was out for the evening because some one decided to leave his dumper up and hit three power lines including a power pole which almost struck some one's house. Since Ch was called to work I finished up dinner thank goodness for gas stoves they are a blessing!

While I was in the kitchen cooking dinner Ch and C had another talk C thought it was his fault, Ch explained to C it was not his fault he did not do any thing wrong, Ch reassured C that he had plenty of people to talk to if he felt he needed to talk to some one. He felt at ease the rest of the evening. The following week we had our session I asked how the manager was doing she was doing better but still on edge of what has happened. Which is understandable they are there to support the children look after their needs and be able to redirect children when needed.

Knowing how hard C has been working towards coming home for good it still hurt him a lot, we did not tell his grandparents we felt it was best not say anything to them. I did not tell my best friend about the second incident she has enough on her plate at the moment, I didn't tell my family I didn't need my sister's awful input my brother knows about the first incident but not the second. He felt bad about what happened at least he feels what we are dealing with is enough.

It's been several weeks since incidents have happened C is back to his joking and happy self, everyone is watching all the children very closely no one is to sleep while the children are sleeping they are to check on the kids during the night; that way incidents like this do not happen again.

As of right now we're having a tough time getting C to stay in his room all night long, he sneaks out of his room and sleeps on the couch which is fine; At least he is not sleeping in his brothers room nor my room for that matter we had one hell of a time getting C out of our room. At least it's the couch and not any other room for that matter, for us we will get through this, after all it's more or less a phase all kids have them.

I started this post on July 5th I just now finished this post here it is July 19th, but at least I got it written. With everything we have been through I felt I needed to write this out, I have been told writing is therapy; I guess this is my therapy of letting those who know me from the moment I started writing on here up until now. I love my family very much, when tough moments happen I know where I can go and it's here, to scream, yell and let out my pain.

This is mine even when I'm in school and life gets hetic I can still, drop in and say hello any readers I have left. Thank you all for you kind words they do help I will continue to write in between classes. I have another post that I have in mind we are dealing with paycuts just like everyone else, right now I do not have internet service until next week the 28th of this month I will try to post as soon as I can.

Numb

Right now I'm in complete shock, it's going to take a while and I'm not sure if I should post the events leading up to now, I feel that I have been let down pulled in a direction that I would not want to go. C's counselor is handling the situation a lot better than I'm handling my emotions at the moment, in my heart I know this is the place that has shown us how to help C. I must admit I feel as if some one has punched me in the stomach, I wish I could tell you all what has happened but I can not bring myself to do so.

I'm in shock, in pain and needing a wine cooler, I recently found out I have a enlarge liver which the doctor has said it is not liver disease he's been a surgeon for 15 years he has seen this before. I'm grateful to know it's nothing serious, I also have a gal bladder that is acting up again, I've been to the e.r. twice in the past six weeks! My doctor has ordered another test to be done in fact he thinks my gallbladder may not be working at all. I do not need any more heart aches nor did I need the news I got today. I want the next 6 months to be more pleasant than what they have been!

This is all I'm going to post for the time being until I feel that I want to share what this is about I will tell you all if I have the heart to.

By the way

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

A Very Belated Update

I just wrapped up my five weeks of school, finished a belated paper which was due the first night of class. Attended a Listener Appericaion Concert I won tickets from the radio station I listen to, met an old childhood friend of Ch's who also went to the concert, invited back to the couples house for their daughter's senior graduation party from high school.

Jr. graduated from the 8th grade he will be a freshmen in high school I'll get pictures posted of the graduation sometime tonigh, we worked hard to get him to pass the eighth grade, I had to negotiate with the teachers in finding work that was suitable for Jr. to learn his reading skills, writing skills, and his short and long term memory seem to have the best of him.

I went as far as telling his history teacher he either modifies the work or I was going to take some legal matters against him and his way of teaching, instead I let him get away with murder he modified my son's work for one week then he fell back into his old pattern if you can't do the work you failed history. The other teachers got him to pass their classes so one failing grade did not pervent my son to not participate in his 8th grade graduation.

I cried during the slide show I can't believe how much he has grown, C was there he was driven down from Castro Valley to watch his brother graduate from 8Th grade; he stayed with us until Sunday afternoon then I took him back Sunday afternoon. Ch took C out to breakfast, I had to work turned out I ended up on call for work Friday, work hasn't been that busy.

But at least I got to spend time with C, he was glad mom didn't have to work. Had the family over for dinner on Friday. Then Saturday we traveled down to Mantica for childhood's daughter's graduation party, the boys had a blast the pool was very cold. C did not mind the water being cold he was in the pool more than out of it.

I'm also due for an operation my gallbladder has decided to act up, I was in the emergency room two days straight once on Friday and Saturday of memorial day weekend; I was pretty drugged up on some heavy duty pain killers. I've seen a surgeon he's sending me in for another test on July 16Th, no eating or drinking after 7 p.m. on the 15Th I have that to look forward to as long as they get me in for surgery before I return back to school I will be pleased.

Speaking of school I'm taking a month off, we're going on vacation starting on Father's Day and returning on June 27Th, taking the boys to Monterey for two days then heading down to Disneyland for three days then driving home on Saturday. This should be an interesting family vacation. Ch's parents are meeting us in Anahemim at their time share that's not far from Disney land. I would rather spend a week in Monterey, I'm not a city person this will be an interesting vacation.

Having a gallbladder that is acting up is not something to play around with, I'm taking a big risk of riding the rides and driving down there. I'm on a low fat diet, I'm working with a nutritionist
She's got me on a low fat milk, lots of friuts and veggies, I can have very little red meat, lots of chicken and pork no greasy foods. And more workout, thank god I got a bike from my in-laws, Jr has begged me to ride bikes with him so starting tomorrow evening I will be out riding with him. He's happy mom is taking a small break from school.

I've got two more years left, Ch will be glad that I'm half way there. I'm kind of enjoying school at the moment I'm happy for the break I'm taking it won't ruin my financial aid, more or less it will help it.

Tomorrow I'm meeting mom-in-law at her beauty parlor Ch just sprang it on me tonight saying I'm to meet her at 1:00 p.m. to get my hair styled, nails done and feet pedicured I've never had any of this done except for my eye brows and my hair cut, usually I do my own feet they are sooo dried I know TMI I could not help myself. :)

Oh before I forget C is not coming home this month, he will be coming home in about six months to a year. He's had an issue with another boy in the house that he is living in I can't go into much of the details, but he is doing much better than he has been.

I'm not ready to share what happened, we have not told ch's parents, all I ask is continue prayers would be helpful. And all the dads out there

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Greetings

Just a quick hello to my blogging friends, if any of you are still around. Every one is doing good, we had our counseling session with C today. We found out he will not be returning home next month, his behaviors have increased since his last visit before Mothers Day weekend.

Everyone on the team feel releasing him next month would not benefit him, rather it could cause him to return to treatment once he is released. C will continue to be monitored and worked with, and his next release date is six months from now, in that time if he does not improve he will remain there until May 2010.

Our hope and prayers C will be able to show improvement within the next six months, or even longer depends on C. We can support C in conseling and home visits, and guiding C to do better, in the meantime I'm back in school for one month and then taking a leave of absence from school.

Jr. is graduating from the 8Th grade in just a few short weeks, three weeks after school lets out we are taking the family to Disney Land, we are vacationing with my in-laws at their time share near Disney Land. I'm not sure if I should be thrilled about the vacation or to feel humbled over it. I'm sure with prayers and trust in the Lord I will be fine.

Birthday Celabrations

I can't believe I have turned 34 years old this year, where has the time gone? This year we celebrated my birthday at mom and dad in-laws instead of at our house. Dinner was of course chosen by me we went to a Chinese restaurant down on main street, our first time there mom and dad in-laws second or third time, the food was plenty we even brought some home with us. C was with us, he's doing so well. It's amazing what a year can do to a child with his behaviors, he will be coming home sometime in June not sure on a date yet, as soon as we get one I will post it.

Looking back over the past year of what I have accomplished, in the two year of attending school and how much my work has changed. Each week each day brings a new meaning to my life, every obstacle that I have looked at over the last few years I wonder what I would wish for this year; to be honest there wasn't that I wanted or to wish for only for more happiness to enter my world to be able to do my best in every subject that comes my way. I don't believe in giving up nor do I let those who have bashed me over the head to get the best of me, in times I felt like quitting, giving up and not wanting to continue; Then again that would not work for me quitting is not an option that I would take seriously. Perhaps writing how I'm feeling would be better than quitting.

On Sunday evening I received a phone call from my godmother's neighbor she's in the hospital, she fell again. My godmother said she did not fall she fell off of a chair, this is the third time within the last few months she has fallen. On Monday I drove down to the valley by myself, to see her, she is not well. Her skin was Ashien, her breathing was not normal, and she quit eating. Not all good signs. She has been a part of my life for the last 34 years, seeing her in this bad of a shape it's not good, on top of her being in the hospital my sister has seemed to disappear without a trace.

My godmother asked for her, I have no idea where she is or what she is doing, her phone number has been disconnected again. There is no way of getting a hold of her which in turn has pissed me off even more! My brother is due down here in another month, he finally has a reliable auto so he can drive down here.

When I left on Monday evening I was told she would be going into a nursing home, she has always been independent drove herself to church every Sunday until her recent fall, her daughter came down on Monday an hour after I had arrived. She's not the nicest person to be around she was surprise to find me there. She's been in my life as long as I can remember I have every right to be there, my godmother sang at my mother's funeral, she has been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.


What hurts the most is knowing she may not make to see another birthday, Christmas or any other holiday. She will be moved into a nursing home as soon as her health improves, I don't see that happening any time soon. I have realized she needs to go and be with the Lord she can not live on her own; She lived a good life. If she finds out she will be moved into a nursing home she will not live, she insists on living by herself and continue to drive, when I talked to Nana as I have called her she sounded happy, a little congested nothing serious; she always looked younger than her real age. When I got up to the hospital room I was amazed at how serious Nana's health was. I'm hoping she will pull through until after the Dixon May fair is over, that way I can get back down there to remove my mother's ashes to my home.


May each of us remember the good times we have with our loved ones whether they be old or young. We never know how long we have them for.

The Little Things In Life

It does not matter were you've been or where your going, as long as you have each other that is all that matters. In many cases around the U.S. every one is losing their homes or close to it, in our case that is what is happening. Right before we celebrated our 15Th wedding anniversary that's right I and ch, have been married for that long. It does not feel that we have, we sent the kids over to the in-laws while the two of us had romantic night alone, we don't get to do that very often but at least it was dinner out and private dancing in the living room.

In the midst of our loving home we also have come to grips of losing our home this summer, there is nothing that can be done we've tried to get our payments lowered since Ch took a 500.00 pay cut on February 6Th, Ch has called left messages for one month there was no returned phone calls until the beginning of this month, Ch explained to them that we were not going to fill out the paper work until we had questions answered and then we would send them in. By the way we did send our papers to them after a third attempt of getting an address from them, and then a few weeks ago we found out that they have decided not to approve us a new loan.

We talked to Ch's parents since we bought the house from them and told them we're letting the house go, it's not our faults that the governor decided to give my husband a 10% pay cut we didn't ask for cut wages because the state of Cali can't control it's spending on their top congressmen and women they rather take it from the little guys and not care about the ones who make a good living. Who cares about state workers such as California Department of Transportation make or give their lives to pave the states highways, to hell with them was the governor's thinking let them suffer.

Thanks to the Governor we will be losing our house sometime in the 6 months, we are looking for a house to rent, pay off our credit cards and my suv. And then we will try in about 2 years to buy a house, there is nothing any one can do, we have refused help from his parents because we will not be able to pay them back. In truth Ch is bringing home about a thousand dollars per month if that. We have been in tougher situations, we always seem to get through them; Even with my job it's not enough for a house payment. It's enough to get us through from payday to payday, I haven't told my brother, or my sister and differently not saying a word to my godmother she's 94 years old she doesn't need to worry about me. At least I have my faith, job, school and my family to get me through my toughest times.

We have looked at other options, such as finding another job even that is hard to come by with the economy has left this state in a critical point of bankruptcy, even the City of Rio Vista has filed for bankruptcy, we found that out in January of this year. It's bad every where, newly built houses stand empty, waiting for a turn around, school teachers getting pink slips because not enough students to keep them and our school district is slowly running out of money. We have tried everything, we've talked to our loan company, they give us the run around, I even explained to them that I've watched them closely they were World Wide Savings, from that name they are called Wochivia now they are under Wells Fargo bank, my mother in law says good luck with getting a lowered payment since they never approved both parents for one, nor does the bank allow half payments, it better be in full or else.

I can not hate any one nor do I blame myself for what has happening, we can only move forward and brave the elements that is before us. We take one day at a time and pray for the best, I must remain hopeful that this too shall pass, I put my trust in the Lord he will see us through these tough times. I can not let my my anger get the best of me, I have cried silently, screamed silently, poured my heart out to god.

There is nothing that anyone can do I will write in between classes, and family outings. Oh by the way if any of you have an i-max theater around I suggest checking out Under the Sea in 3-D it's a cool movie, my in-laws paid for all of us to go, I and Ch didn't pay for anything. We needed a break from every thing and everyone.