I Have Finally Found Me!!

After two years of blood, sweat and tears. It's time for another change for this here blog. Even though we are dealing with a child who has so many issues. I'm pretty much given up on the Why am I writing this? Because some one close to me hurt me and I'm finding my way back to me again. I figure it's about time I change it; to me it feels like that happen four years ago, in reality it happened two years ago. How time does fly by when your having fun. We've had some bad days and more of the good days. Neither one of us posted about what was causing an upset in our home we, figured we would work it out by ourselves. And that is exactly what we have done, and no I'm not done blogging There is so many posts that I really want to do. Whether they are emotional or funny like the post that I just finished yesterday; I'm still not telling you what I've got. It's part of my joy that I received two weekends ago. For me this my way of saying Thank you Lord, for every thing you have given me.

Through all the think and thin, we have come along way. Even as we are dealing with a child who has bipolar which is a hard case, we are relearning how to help C, with every day tasks, for most if not all of us it's easy for him it's not so easy. We are having in home visits from a program called Advanced Kids, she comes twice a week to set up plans and shows us how to handle C, when he's in one of his crises. It may look easy, trying to use just enough pressure and waiting for C to calm down, that's the hard part of getting him to calm down. There are no pictures for this new learning intervention. It does work, we have placed rules and a different type of reward system in our little home. So far it's working, we are pretty much taking everything that we are learning in stride.

July 9, 07
In this part of my post I'm going to let you all in my work, most of you know that I'm a C.M.T. which is not an easy job, you are not allowed to get too close to your clients, and sometimes it can not be helped. Today was one that I will not forget, one of my clients cancelled her membership she is dying of cancer, I have worked with her since she first came to us back in late March, early April she looked good she explained to me that she was fighting for her life, cancer was not going to take it. Both her and her husband always gets massages at the same time but in different rooms today for the first time, in a month that I've seen them, Alissa (not her real name), looks so fragile the fight is gone, her lovely silver gray hair there was none. She wore a lovely flower head cover, as I was working on her I took notice of how her skin took in the lotion, how her right arm was so thin, her left arm was swollen here she lays on my table enjoying her massage. The hardest part was when I had to turn her over from her stomach to her back, it took both I and her husband's m.t. went to get another pillow for her head, she looked into my eyes and said she was taken off all chemo treatments the cancer has spread to the left side of her stomach and this was going to be her last and final massage. As hard as I tried to hold back those tears of sadness, there was no way of hiding them. As I held the door open for both of them, he said to me thank you, she really enjoyed you giving her those massages.

She had told me two months ago that every thing seemed to be fine. Her cancer was in remission, I asked her husband of 35 yrs, so is the cancer gone? He said we'll see she's a fighter loves to travel, was a Captain in the Air Force in her early years. Today she is wheel chaired bound, I knew that massage was what she needed; I've worked on so many that are up there in age not sure if they would return to me. Some who were much younger than she, some who fought breast cancer and won, with a price of loosing a breast. Yet here they were receiving a wonderful gift that is not cheap. She was my client, a person that took my work and made it special moments, she made me laugh during our first session, she also loved my work she never had anyone take the time in letting her steal a nap while she was being worked on. After her first massage with me she said that was a real good massage you had me sleeping, I hope that didn't bother you? I said no you didn't you must have needed that. We thanked each other, she held my hand and told me I had a wonderful gift of massage.

Many times through out these last few months, I've either came across the survivors that are left to sort out the houses or apartments that they had left behind. I asked a question such as how was your weekend? Not even a second thought I would have one say I lost someone over the weekend, once they tell me that what use to be a knot was no longer present. They would ask how did I do that? Take a personal issue and make it go away, just for that hour. I've learned from the beginning to be in tuned with your client make them feel, as if they are drifting off the table make this their time. And sometimes not really knowing if they will return after all they ask how long should I go without getting a massage? Depends on your body, and if you want to continue with knots in your shoulders, or have your back hurting months at a time. It depends on you, every two weeks is better than going without for two or three months at a time.

I had two of my collages tell me, they would have done the same thing break down and cry. You gave her what she needed most, a massage that helped her relax you gave a cancer patient something that no one else could do, to give her what she needed most a good relaxing massage. She rarely sees anyone else at the clinic that I work at, I think she's seen one other m.t. but she always requested me, to work on her. I will miss her spunk, the talks that we had, and the smiles that made me feel that it was okay to share.

And yes I have found me, she's a gifted massage therapist, a mother of two boys, a wife to an active lead worker for Cal-Trans, a sister of two siblings. And a friend for those who need some one to lean on. And a believer that all things are passable through Christ who saves us.