Oh it could have been worse, as of right now it can get only worse we will not know the outcome until tomorrow afternoon's meeting. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this, I know my nerves are on edge; as of this evening J. was on his way home from feeding his goat, when our neighbor stopped him in his tracks and asked us not to talk about C the way we have been doing. What the hell! No one knows of what is going on with C, I do not talk to any one outside my group of friends and I do not talk with any one at the only store in this town! Due to the fact that no one is willing to step up to the plate and ask us what is wrong with our son, J took this very hard. To say the least. He was playing Montgomery Gentry when I pulled into the drive way, he had it playing loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, what can I say he's got good taste in music. It took him 30 minutes to spill his guts, he told me that she heard that we wanted to get rid of C'; she knows we are trying to get him the help he needs. Now the whole freaken town knows and the last person I wanted to find out about this was my Pastor from the church we attend to. They are the last one's to know, I do not want any meddling from any one; we have kept this to ourselves and only letting those who we trust to know what is going on.
As quick as J told me I was on the phone to my bible study teacher, I'm so glad she answered the phone. I explained to her what was being said behind our backs, she knows the pressure we have been under, knows that I'm attending school, baby sitting along with my regular job which I could not quit too much hard work and tears, along with clients that have the privilege in having a massage from me. Like many other's have said about me you are a strong person, you have the will power of doing all of this don't you think it's a little too much right now? No because I need to make a difference in my families income I can not keep working for pay that does not cover every thing we're making it from pay check to paycheck and with the talk of what is going on I just felt like someone had it hit me with a grenade, the only people that I could narrow it down to would be my former supervisor and her grandson, who attends J's school they are both in the same class, his student aid use to be C's aid when he was attending public school.
I know assuming is wrong, I also know that gossip hurts other's and does nothing good but to harm those who hear it. The last time I saw my former supervisor and her uppity daughter they had a run in with C needless to say I tried to explain to both of them that we are trying everything we can for C, of course the blame again lays as my fault! Can't you control him? Oh I would have loved to show both of them how we control him, by holding him down for 10 minutes to 1 hour. And see what they both have to say about that. As I'm writing this out, I can feel tears of pain and anger slipping down my checks. And praying for angles to protect me and my family from harm.
I do not need the gossip or lies that people like to say about us, and what we are trying to do for our son. He needs help more than what we can give him I'm praying for every one's help that the county will finally come to their senses and realize that this has gone on for too long and it has gone to far with everyone aboard, of course this new program that is working with us seems to think we need more enforcements what we need is for someone to actually listen to our pleas and stop handing us stuff that does not work. We did in fact talk to a layer about J talking to a social worker at school, he said J would be the one pulled from the family not C. Because he is scared of his brother which he did tell the social worker, who in turned called us. Which got us no where close to getting the help we needed for C, that just got people stating facts that we are trying everything we can for C. That was coming from C's counselor from the county, as of today C had an incident at school and one at his program that he is enrolled they are not helpful in what C needs I'm sorry to say that, if they were willing to give us more of a hand in control they should have known not to take his case. We may not have a teacher calling us to come and get our son. We are still no step closer to helping C with his outbursts, his doctor did up one of his meds, I came down hard and told Ch why don't we just give the poor kid caffeine and see what happens, I'm really tired of the meds already.
I may have been blessed with two son's, thankful that only one son is more difficult than the other. As of two hours ago he finally figured that when his chores are done the right way and his goat is taken care of he has more time to play. Geeze and it took him all of the school year to finally figure it all out, a good kid with a heart of gold huumm wonder where it gets it from.
In closing I leave you with this
Joy comes from knowing God loves me
and knows who I am and where I'm going...
that my future is secured as I rest in him.
~james Dobson~
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