Having such a hard time writing today, our little one is home from school today and has deleted the second draft that I written this morning. Along with one post that I've deleted because I just couldn't bring myself to post it. And just as I thought finally got one that sounded good to post he deleted it so he could play with Paz on discovery.com, If you know the show you know exactly who I'am talking about and if not he is on TLC in the early morning hours. With that out of the way I will try to type as much as I can. Yes my husband use to yell at me, there were times where it use to get so bad that I thought if he didn't yell would he someday bring a hand to me? A very scarry thought he does have a very bad temper which isn't too often. Except when I didn't have the house clean before he got home from work or have something out for dinner, or there were dishes in the sink. And since I was home all day and worked at night. To him it didn't matter or playing with the kids that is one thing he seemed to get mad I would pay attention to our oldest and at the time the only child for few years until child number 2 was born in 2000. The yelling got so bad that I didn't know where to turn, he had me in tears each job that I had he wouuld start in on me about getting more hours, not bothering if it meant being around for our oldest. I use to hate working there was no way in hell that my mom put up with a guy like this. It took me a long time to actually tell her what was going on and that was about the time we moved to the Delta, 1999. We had moved from his parents house in 1997 got our own place during that same year my mom knew something was wrong I was scared not too sure of myself. I was still working we had one car at the time so there wasn't much I could do, except being at home, there where times that I didn't know which was worse being yelled at over stupid stuff or having no car. One of the reasons he said he didn't want me to have a car or truck he was afraid that one day I would get tired of his yelling and just pick up our sons and leave. Well if you knew how much kids meant to you would you do the same to your wife or husband? Believe me as much as I wanted to knowing that my mom wouldn't hold it against me I just couldn't do it, I had a job or at least that was holding me here. As much as I have written so far gives an insight of what had happen to us. I still have a room to clean and dishes to wash on that note I better go.
4 comments:
Hi Summer Rose,
Welcome to the blog world. Your post today sounds like you've had a tough go of it the past few years. Constant criticism can break your spirit. Hopefully this blog will be a place for you to vent and get some feedback and perspective.
Thankyou for welcoming me to blog world. As you can see it was not an easy post to write. This gives ch a view of how I was feeling then. The now part will have to wait for a while.
Hey lady, I've been in your shoes. The getting yelled at for not having dinner on, not having the socks washed. Always about him. Always someone elses fault. Someone not acting the way HE wants them to, or life not happening the way HE wishes it to. Half the time, I never knew where it was coming from.
I know now it was all from being a very very unhappy person inside, and desperately wanting someone else to make him happy. Which ain't possible.
This was many years ago. My first marriage. He never got the counseling I suggested, not even after he kicked me one night so hard I had a bruise for a week. But I'm no doormat.
The line of fire had now been drawn. And he did back off to some extent.
About a year later, he started up again, worse than ever, screaming all the time, about what, I didn't even what he was upset about. It was always my fault. If only I would take care of the house better. Cook better. Dress better. Work less hours (gee I was already part time....)
Then one night I found him dancing in the living room with the music full blast, when I had to get up early the next am for work. I asked him to turn it down,
HE TURNED IT UP.
WHo was this monster that used to be my husband? THe one I married to for LIFE?
I've said this to your husband, I'll say it to you.
My X went on to have and destroy yet another marriage, his third. His children from his first marriage are COMPLETELY screwed up (his son is already divorced in his mid 20's, his daughter flunked out of college - and she's very bright, what a waste - and just moved in with a guy 15 years older than she)
Finally he went through couseling. Finally HE SAYS has come to control his temper. Finally he's figured things out, gone back to church. etc.
But how many people's lives did he have to destroy first. How much of his own life did he waste. He's in his 50's now.
Best thing I did was go get counseling for myself.
Oh it all ended because he was having an affair, what he accused me of all our marriage, he went and did himself.
I found out. Packed up and moved back home.
Remarried a couple of years later.
And instantly:
My cooking was GREAT.
I was great suddenly in bed.
My housekeeping was super.
And if dinner wasn't on, he says,
"Honey? do you want me to cook, or should we order out? or do you want to just drop everything and I'll take you out to dinner"...
THAT's a man worth keeping.
If you want to turn your man into that man it's time for:
marriage encounter weekend
marital counseling
anger managment counseling.
not necessarily in that order.
don't waste your lives.
you've invested too much already.
Thankyou for your comment it has made me realize after my posting that someone would actually say. Hey I know what it's like! Since moving to this town six years ago I have a very close girl friend with four kids she was locked in a closet by her first husband. She is a happy woman now she has taught me a lot about being reborn again yet there is so much that I have been through. I'am working on my next blog about a very big loss.
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