FRUSTRATED

The title says it all! Yes ever since I quit my job I and ch have been talking a little more and a little more hugging. Now getting to what is really bothering me is the fact that every time a get a new damn job it's the same thing all over again how much will you be making? My hours are set in stone unless someone wants a massage on the day that I'm not scheduled. So why am I so frustrated? Here's the problem I will be promoting my self for $10.00 an hour, when I'm not doing massages, which comes with the territory of being a massage therapist, a lot of my class mates had to do this. Being in a whole new line of work ch was not a happy camper my thinking is who the hell is he any way! I'm the one that got us into this mess in the first place let me get my self out of it before you come at me with such thoughts of how much he can spend factor. I know it's not going to be easy at first, as soon as I start getting clients on a regular basis it will be so much easier on us. This is a whole new experience for both of us for me it's just a new job with much more room to grow, with less stress some what the same hours that I was working before and a lot more pay. So now where do we go from here? Right now feeling a little better, but last night it was bad I felt like taking a picture and throw it across the room. I'm not the type to throw things only if some one really gets me totally mad or I usually talk really harshly chew en up spit them out type. Partly I've really got a lot of anger built up from his degrading emotional abuse, now it's just a matter of getting through all of that mess and just take it as life comes which I have done, and to come this far and let it all slip through my hands I think not! I'm a fighter when it comes to my business. I know he can be and is hard headed yet I'm the same way it's just I'm the quieter type not say much until I can't take it any more then the fight is on, for ch to get me to actually open up and tell him what is bothering me, is by yelling at me, I'll keep every thing inside of me. I know I shouldn't but what choice does one have when other is not in a good mood. I've always been the type to listen rather than talk my mom was the same way, my thinking it will go away it just takes time and a lot of praying. I know there will be moments that ch forgets that I've been in this same position before, and partly I should have taken notes last night but being excited about my new job it's kind of hard to do. Can we learn from this? Can we actually say something without taking it the wrong way? For me it's having him tare right into me with out him thinking before he talks I try before I say or sometimes it's better not to say a thing. Right now I'm being led to pray for more light at the end of the tunnel and a bright new path with so many new doors to open.