Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Living and breathing
As I sit here trying to get what I feel out, there is no words that I can really say that will make the pain any easier. I know it's been two years, does it get any easier as time goes by? It does as I have been told. I prayed for one more day to be with my mom please just one more Mothers day one more fourth of July. I knew she didn't look well when she was up here, she stayed with the boys so I and ch could have weekend together not realizing any thing was wrong. I wanted her to stay at least for a little while longer I knew she didn't like being away from the farm she wasn't fond of the city life. She did like coming up here we only lived hour an half from away from each other, our visits where so nice nothing like moms cooking even her baking was so good. Then it happen the most unthinkable she was having pains running down her left arm luckily there was an angle with her, my brother met a girl who is a nurse pretty damn good one for that matter. I had met her on Mothers day weekend she and my mom looked every where for the most hardest gift that I had asked for and since my birthday is a month before Mothers day. Of all things I had to ask for was a wok for stir frying and a charm for my bracelets which was the pink ribbon. They had no trouble finding the charm that was easy to find, the wok was not! My moms words were if I ever asked for a hard gift like this again, well I ended up saying but you love all of us mom she just looked at me and smiled knowing all too well she wanted to get even with me. That was my last Mothers day with her; As June would have it there was a change to come one that no one was prepared for, it was right after our oldest got out of school and we had a busy month planned we had ch's family reunion to attend which we did I didn't bother turning on my cell I was having a good time just being out away from work. As weekend would have it there was a change to come and one that I didn't know would effect each of us in a different way. I walked into the house the last message on the phone was your mom is in the hospital when can you get here, she fine you need to get here. I about clasped from it some how we manage getting the boys back into the truck headed to ch's grandma's then we headed to my home. Lord don't take her I'm not ready for her to go, please not my mom! She stayed in the hospital had reconstructive valve surgery done on her heart, I remember coming home working taking care of the boys praying for her recovery and seeing her living just a while longer. As god would have it she made to July 4th we went down there to see her I went to the hospital to bring her home I didn't realize that would be the last time I was to see her. We came home on Monday usually we come home on Sunday this time we didn't. My work would have let me stay away as long as I wanted I came home went to work. A week later I got the most dreaded call it was from the same hospital were I was born at, I didn't know what to think all could do was call ch you need to come home now I don't care what you are doing my mom is critical condition I'm asked to come down there now. He came home his mom was with him she took the boys we rushed to the hospital. The lord called her home on July 12th 03 at 11:45 p.m. she was given the last rites by a catholic priest, her brother and sister in law were out visiting their daughter when all of this took place he got to see her one last time. It wasn't easy on him they talked now and then when his wife wasn't around. My brother is no longer living here he moved out of state my sister is here living with my god mother. Maybe I will post on what happen to her or maybe not. As the lord would have it, I went to school a year after her death, and graduated with flying colors, The lord knew what he was doing and sometimes we don't understand until something happens. As I sat there with my god mother I saw an angle that angle happened to be my late grand mother who gave me her first name I knew she had come to take her daughter home. I've spent too much time on here this morning I've got one batch of cookies done and our boys are out side playing I need to get them in here for lunch. As the holidays come may each of you take care of those around you.
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2 comments:
Grief takes a lot longer than a couple of years to lose it's sting. I've lost a dad and a sister over the years. He was just 47 she was only 28.
It never goes away. But helping other people through their grief, helps you with your own to some extent.
I got this piece of wisdom from my mother, who's mother died in her early 90's (my mom was in her mid/late 60's). She said "I had her too long, I still reach for the phone to call her".
Parents are there from the time we are born, just as the sun was there, and clouds and and and we are NEVER ready to lose them. It's like a chunk of the world, that was solid and unchangable suddenly is impossibly removed.
And yet they are gone. As if one day the sun just didn't rise, or the moon quit being in existance. It doesn't matter if they were sick for a long time, or you lose them in a day.
But the sting mellows over time.
Sad movies, are a no no though. The grief buried deep inside has a tendency to bubble over, well above and beyond our usual (mine anyway) tendency to cry at sad movies.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Happy Thanksgiving! thankyou kissy, No I wasn't ready for her to go what I forgot to mention is she had a bleeding ulcer. She didn't want any one to worry about her. My mom was 59 when she died, I had a lot of family friends and girl friend's called me every other day to see how I was doing. Yes just like you I have to stop myself of picking up the phone to call her. Or waiting for her to call me, that's the hard part. Yes I know sad movies are a big no, no. Again Thankyou
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