Was this a good idea?

Since my last post I don't know if was a really good idea to actually write what I was feeling. For one I really put my self in a position that wasn't a real good one, There are times that I wish I had done this along time ago if there was such a place to write or. If I should have kept my mouth shut about the pain that I was going through and not let any one read my side of the story. Sure it's been tough letting go of the hurt, fustration and it felt good, yet I feel guilty of letting someone else read what I had wrote. As for this last week it was a good one trying to spend time with the boys while they were out of school taking our little one to the doctors, and having ch coming home from work because of his boss. As many of you keep track of what he has been doing you already know the story on him, It took me a while not to get ready for work in the evenings, and I start my new job in a few days actually looking at the calendar I have a meeting Tuesday night. I'm hoping this will go smoothly it's just getting all of us together and hopefully making sure no one gets hours cut or put in a tough position that no one will be able to get along. For me I do get along with people and sometimes it takes me a little while to actually warm up to some one new depends on their personality. As for the holiday that just past it was good it was a little hard at first I called my sister as it would have we got to thinking about our brother he called me on our way to ch's parents house I called him back and hung up on the answering machine he called me right back and asked for my god mothers number which I gave him. He had to work so we didn't talk very long, it kind of hurt but I also know how it feels to work on Thanksgiving too. I've been telling myself it's just going to be this way, Ch did ask if I was okay, I said yes it's not easy. As many fronts as I have learned to put up, I know I can't keep going through this alone, what else am I suppose to do? I have learned to put my feelings on the back burner putting the Lord first then our boys and him before dealing with some of my feelings, by the time I get everything taken care of. Then I wonder what was I upset about in the first place? Or I would call my mom and tell her what I was feeling that was the really cool thing having her around, hey mom are you there I need to talk to call me when you get this when she wasn't home, or she would call me to say I love you. At times I just want to be left alone lock myself in my room and have a good cry, well that never happens usually ch is wondering if it was him who put me in this mood or the boys I have to defend them fast and tell him no it wasn't the boys. Can't I just cry or let them see it's okay mom's do this once in while, it's part of growing up. I think I 've done enough writing for today I would like to bake more cookies we need to get some more stuff to make them with I will try to write again hopefully not too long of a break.