Feeling better

I don't know what it is, every time I give someone a massage I feel so much better.
Earlier this morning I felt as my spirit wasn't getting what it needed I prayed this morning while I was on the computer and I even listen to one of my Christian music cd's ( now if I could only remember the web site of the one that is outside of Sac). As it would have it Ch is having a hard time with his depression which puts me on the deffince and wanting to run for the nearst door, not exactly what every one wants to hear. But what am I suppose to do? it gets worse. My sister has been here for three weeks and it has been an intersting three weeks she has said what is the use of believing when you are the one who screwed up your life. I've tried every which way to convince her that there is so much in believing than just going to church. Of course while playing one of my favorite cd's she made the comment there is too much god. Excuse me it's bad enough ch doesn't beleive now my sister!! when will this ever stop!?! I've had it with both of them lately and now I've been a little bitter over the situations I'm not the one who made her this way I've only been out of the house for 12 years why all of sudden I feel that I need to take care of her. Actually she is the one who made herself this way she is the one who got herself in this mess she needs to find away of getting herself out of it. She put herself in jail after she attacked our mom eight months before she died, she met a guy supposedly the story is someone shot her in the arm with some kind of drug and she lost it and hit our mom put her in the hospital my mom pressed charges. I was told to stay away don't come home until Thanksgiving boy was I pissed off at every one who told me to stay put. Thank god I was working the day that I made the phone call to my godmother because I couldn't get in touch with my mom, I dropped my phone and hit my knees I couldn't talk I was in complete shock to hear what had happen. I'm very close to my family my brother was either at work when or with friends so of course he has a bad temper he wanted to go after the boy friend of my sister. It made him realize that there is so much to life than drugs he tried pot when he was younger I can't remember how he finally realized that it didn't agree with him. Eventhough he is out of state we still talk always tells me that he loves our sister but then again neither of them have actually talked about what really happened, so either way I'm in a no lose situation. Ch has been in a mood that is just really getting out of hand I don't like it when he is this way it puts every one walking on egg shells. I try my best not to upset him any more than what he already is and I'm the one who called and rescheduled his appointment so please put the blame on me, they had two appointments I should have taken the ten o'clock on the tenth. I didn't know he would be like this; am I talking to him no? not when he's like this thank god for girlfriends! It just puts me in a very tough place our kids have been board out of their minds it's either raining or foggy they go back to school this Monday thank goodness. Now I've lost my train of thought because the five year old is drawing with chalk on the walls luckly it's white and I just took it away. I'm now leaving.