I Lost My Temper...

What do you say when you've been pushed, and been told your child should be in school and it's been four damn months and no one has done a damn thing except tell you that your child needs meds. Yesterday I called up early afternoon requesting and damn fucking meeting so our child can have more schooling than just staying home two out three days. (oh by the way sorry for the foul mouth). back to the meeting I had requested an emergancy meeting with all teachers including next years principle at the school were our oldest had attened whether or not he goes there depends if they screw up too. I had asked for this meeting because she got mad at me for not being able to pick him while throwing a tempertantrum at the time I was at work, they don't have my work number just for this reason. I've done what they wanted he's on meds for crying out loud!! What more do they want from me! They're the ones who should be dealing with things like this and further more their is no one able to pick him up, except for those on the release form if I'm not able to then they go down the list. I told her exactly what she had told me back in Nove. they said they would see about him going to school the whole week well it's not happen in an informal meeting with an o.t. she said he isn't ready for half day school what the hell! you expect our son to stay home the two days when he needs the extra help!! Yesterday I had enough!! told her if she didn't come through with my request and soon our son will be pulled out of school and I will find a way of home schooling him until school starts in the fall she said please reconsider. Reconcider over my madness hell no!! she saids I understand your upset, and not thinking clearly, oh I'm not well for your information your the one who wanted him on fucking meds your the one who saids he needs more help so you either come through for me or I'll find a way of shutting down that school of course I didn't say that wanted to but I think I would have gone too far. And I'm the one who has to deal with giving the meds without getting him mad and saying I Hate You! Why do you have to be so mean to me (Crying)! I hold, hug, and pray for him and I cry as well. Just about that time Ch is walking through the door he looks at me and points to the time, we had talked and I had said I had a client coming in a 4:00p.m. he said your going to be late. I finally had to tell our son's teacher I have to go I have a client that I have coming in and I have to be at work before 4:50p.m. Oh he heard me going off on our son's teacher he just looked at me and didn't say a word.. He knew how fed up I've been with our son's school and the staff that is there, I don't think he could blame me for being pissed off. Yea Yea I know the saying better being pissed off than pissed on! I did try not show my anger if front of the boys, I had to ask my oldest if he had home work to at least start it until I could help him with his vocabulary which is hard for him he has to write in handwriting, it's not easy for him he's learning though. I did explain to our son's teacher that I have a doctors appointment in South Sac. on the fifth of April and I would like to take new I.E.P reports to him, instead he is going to be seeing one's from when school had started back in Novemember and the report that was done by the o.t. In the meantime I've felt let down by our son's school and staff, I know what most of you are thinking I need a support group and soon for this kind of trouble with other parents that have been through same stuff as what we are going through as soon as I'm done here I'll be calling our counclers in South Sac. and see if I could talk with her this morning. I'm sorry I'm usually a very calm, peaceful person who dosen't couse at all I do appologize for the foul mouth. I sincerly hope that all of you will see I didn't use a foul mouth on her; I was praying for those words to stay away until I was done on the phone and the drive to my work I was listening to christian music somehow that seems to make me feel so much better. As I was getting out of my truck I could feel god's closeness and knowing that we have a long road ahead of us, And may it lead in the right direcetion for all of us. Plaese for those who have fought for a better education and are in the education system my prayers are with you every step of the way. Blessings to all of you that come by today and in the next few days. S.R.

When it rains Part II

As I finished posting last night, and had a good nights rest which was well needed I found, That there are times when things you get things all in order then again something always is amiss. Well that happen today I pulled into Ch's work as you know is just about five minutes from our house we had a big misunderstanding at my work yesterday and I won't go into much of what happen I'm still praying that I still have a job. All in all they didn't tell me about the third appointment and I came in a little speeding so I know that I'm in hot water. Please pray that I'm not, but anyways that was yesterday and today is a bright and new day and it's beautiful outside I'll open my drapes and let the lord do his job! It's been about three or four days that I've been hearing squeaking in the brakes had Ch look at the fluid it's fine I'm not still not convinced about the noise and it's been getting worse so I pulled over to the garage they have there on site and said take it to the muffler shop he didn't have to drive it far and said, you need new brakes and whatever else that needs to go with them oh great! Ch needs a timing chain I'm praying he can still get it. I'm truly convicted that there is an angle riding around in my suv! So in the mean time can any one explain why now? I mean things are going good a job that I love except Ch is fed up with and I'm hanging in there, with it and there is so much that I want to do and can't because the funds are not there. At least I know there is sunshine outside until Sunday, it's suppose to rain, we haven't had any except for frost on the ground low 30s each morning and fog this morning. So on that note I better go I've been on this thing more than I wanted so everyone that comes by have a very good weekend.

When it rains it pours

It's been a very busy emontional week, one that seems to be setting it's self on different families and bloggers a like. Mine has been full of fighting to see our son's doctor and with Ch's help we did just that, yesterday we finally got him in at 4:30p.m. of course I was late getting there due to another case our older Ds with a hurting back and he has Scoliosis, on his right side. Talk about painful he is also very weak in his upper arm area on both sides luckily I keep weights around just in case one of the kids decides to use them, is there a cure? No there is none just a few visits to the chiropractor he wants to see our little one next time I come into his office next week so our LDS will be going with us. The only thing that I can do for him is gentle massage on his back to keep the pain to a very low 1 and not a high #5 tonight was not a good night for him or his brother. Our DS#2 has been waking up between the hours of 12:00 to 3:15 a.m. not good, right now I'm very tired haven't gotten much sleep the last two nights. I'm praying that he can sleep through the night, praying as I'm typing this he will; As for me I'm doing okay for the most part there is no use crying over spilled milk. You just have to find peace and hope that everything turns out for the best, I did have my neck and upper back popped which felt really good. To me it's just another phase that we're going, we all have our ups and downs I was just hoping for a little more sunshine, what mom or dad wouldn't want that? I also found out some pretty interesting stuff talking to Ch's dad last night at their new house, him and his sister had adhd when they were little they didn't have the type of meds that they do now what they had to do was buy all kinds of natural foods for them to eat. And very little to almost no candy with red 40 in it, so some of my answers were solved it is passed on from parent to child my only question is how long do we keep him on meds and will he grow out of it? We have two more months to see Doctor#2 in South Sac. In the meantime he has 90 days of meds which will get us through until May 17th. So on that note it is good to know that I'm not alone in this particular area of medical knowledge, I really need to find sometime to read the good book and one that I've started and only on chapter 5. When your doing so many things at once you get carried away with the little things in life. So on that note I will bid everyone good night and hopefully I can post a little of my medical history a tad bit later. Hopefully everyone has a good weekend and thank goodness the weekend is almost here! :)

"Kitty don't eat the flowers"!

Yes my cat decided she needed a snack after we go got home from shopping, I found her on the coffee table nibbling at the leaves, then she proceeds to spit it out onto the floor. Oh great! Well at least she didn't get sick which was a good thing. As for the Vday gift we got it sized while out shopping so it will be back in about 6 to 7 working days. With that taken care of, I think or I could be wrong I've read a few comments on Ch's blog and the reason why I didn't want another ring this is going to painful I'm going to warn Ch about reading this post. It will tear him up inside as I've already done that on Vday, three years after we were married I don't remember what set his temper off I remember wearing my ring I was either cleaning or going somewhere with him, he starts yelling at me I look down at my finger all I could think of was is this part of being married. Being critized and being controlled? For everything that I've tried to do. At the time I was working between five to seven days straight without a day off, There were times when I didn't want to wear my ring there were times when I wanted to throw it at him and tell him to find another! I wasn't putting up with it. When you have a child it's bad enough that he or she will look at you and say I'm sorry sure I got a few sorries in between but it didn't make the hurt or the anger go away. I wanted so much to have him stop at the time I didn't know how I was growing but not in a spiritual way I wasn't able to attend church at the time I felt that I lost myself to his controlling ways no one knew what I was going through somehow I managed to hide it of course you can hide so much. Yes my ex-coworkers caught on there was nothing they could do, no one was there except for a few angles, I've always been told that I was lucky to live some women don't. The Lord has bigger plans for me, you know I believe that to be true, I won't deny my faith and what I've been through with Ch it hasn't been pretty. Yes he tells me every day that I love you, at times when the yelling and the pain that I was going through I wished I was not living that god would just take me away, or a least make me a stronger woman than I was so I could at least be more willing to stop my old ways. After receiving the new ring I felt myself going back to a past I don't want nothing to do with, I don't want the control back I don't want him to get mad when things with my work get a little crazy, I don't want him to critise me in front of his parents or any of his family members. He's been there done that. The things I have done was found peace for me, the hurt that he caused was not a good thing, he knows that; At least I know I have a mentor that I can turn to does she know about the ring? No neither one of my mentors knows about it I will see one at church tomorrow the other I will talk to sometime on Monday. There is so much that the two of us have been through I will have to post another; How bad could it get? Lets just say I still carry the scares from resent surgeries they have healed and The Lord willing we're all praying that they will not return.
I've written too much and I have a few more loads of laundry to do and the kids are out playing.

I learned this from girl scouts.

Mutilated monkey meat, little birdies dirty feet
French fried eyes balls swimming in a pool of blood
I forgot my spoon but I brought a straw.

As I was cleaning up a mess of throw up this morning that is what was going through
my head. Not exactly what most of us want to wake up to at 1:03a.m. our oldest son decided he needed to get sick and sick he did! Not just in the toilet but also in my kitchen sink! Not the greatest thing to be smelling when you need to clean dishes or anything else for that matter. So being it Ch's b-day, well what a birthday gift. Okay not exactly a birthday gift from one of your kids, but at least we were home when this took place and not out of town. At the same time thinking I can get back to sleep our other one decided he need to wake up about fifteen minutes after the our oldest one. So As being the sweet, caring, mom that I'm and went to see what made him wake up. So I went into his room thinking I could just rub his back or a limb I could just crawl out of his bed and back to mine. Well that didn't happen it usually does not this time. I must have dozed off and not realize that I had fell asleep. Ch came in gave me a kiss and said you slept in here!?! Well lets just say he didn't get much sleep. So I crawled into our bed and fell asleep by the time I realized what time and what day it was h-e-double hockey sticks! Can any one find this a little funny. As I'm typing this I really want to laugh! So I called work to see if I had any massages so far none, that's okay I had one set out of town and one here in town I won't let on how much my out of town paid it was a shock for me. Of cores my in town had a free one coming to her for referring me to her co-worker. Will I have more out of town? I don't know I will have to see. In the meantime I'm suppose to be doing the laundry and I've done one load, I wanted to post before I got too busy and didn't have the time to do so tonight. As for ch's birthday his gift will be here on Friday I didn't get him much again as usual he beat me to or should I say the money hasn't arrived yet and payday is the day after tomorrow, I'll have to see what I can do later this week. To those who have birthday's this week

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ALL!!

What a week!!

Now for the update; As Ch has mentioned I've been dealing with a child issue, as many out there who have children and know how much they are a blessing. And sometimes we feel like pulling out our hair at times, we must remember they are younger than us and need all the love they can get. Recently we had our little school aged child tested for a.d.d a.d.h.d if you are familiar with any of these two a little help would be greatly appreciated from both of us. His test results are in from the school he tested positive he's very aggressive at times and when it's just the two of us it's either a really good day or a really, really pull my hair out day! lately it's been just that pulling my hair out. I recently had to pick him up from school and then from the babysitters she called and left a message on my cell so there went the fast trip to the store and then two days before we took him to Monster Jam it was another moment of screaming for twenty mins non stop I can't remember how I got him to stop I called his doctor left a message for him to call me which he did the same day. And of course told me everything that I already knew I took him to the doctors on Friday morning before Monster Jam. As a parent you try to do everything you can to keep them healthy to watch them grow to explore at that moment in time it broke my heart to put him on meds. We can't have him hurt, himself he's already done that. Or to hit a teacher or a classmate, as the weekend came and went I was so nervous leaving him alone with just his brother. I wasn't sure how his little body was going to take to the meds getting him to take it is a different story all together my first morning was the hardest we both ended up crying together. ( I think he's getting the idea today was pretty good took it with very little problems.) we'll wait and see. He did pretty well on Monday when I picked him up from school it was a relief, but I'm still holding my breadth on Wednesday was a different story his teachers said he had little trouble but not too bad his o.t. on the other hand instead of being kind to my fragile state of mind just handed me a bunch of bullshit!( excuse the foul mouth I only cuss when I'm mad.)oh so he's on the same med as my son maybe you should up his dosage' I came unglued I almost said this too shall pass; I told her he isn't feeling well I'm taking him back to the docs as soon as I can. I Told her he just started taking this med over the weekend give it a few weeks; He's due back in a three more weeks. And he hasn't been sleeping well last weekend he ended up on the couch late Saturday morning and Sunday he didn't want to sleep any where he was just so uncomfortable and not too sure of what was happening. This past week was the back to being a normal thing putting him back in his bed. The med is called Conentra nothing like ritalin you have to give twice a day this one lasts all day given in the morning. Late Thursday I took him back to the docs he's got a real bad ear infection he's on amoxicelin for ten days. In the meantime I'm still dealing with my cold which has turned into pneumonia the doc put me on meds for a couple of days; I've had a lot to deal with and it's not been easy. We are both hoping that this is the right meds and this will work; I really don't feel like dealing with mixing meds in this little boys body he has been through enough this past week he's already seen his mommy cry and wondered if it's him who did something wrong. His doctor is very good the first I've trusted since moving to the delta nine years ago, and he's the same one who is sending us to a specialist in Sac. I'm praying for guidance and paitince that we can muster and the angles that seem to find the words to comfort me in this trying time. If any one knows about these two very nerve raking childhood behaviors please feel free e-mail my husband CH. Thankyou

The Bitch Slap!

List 8 traits about your perfect partner, and have to tell if they are male or female. Then tag 8 other people to do this.

1) Taking the boys on a nature walk during the year it wouldn't matter what you had planned at least being near them is good enough for me. Or taking them bike riding around the neighborhood when the weather is good.

2) Having the same spirtiual background as I do, Who understands me from a spirtiual place.

3 To be more kind to the boys even when they are having a really, really bad day at school and they're feeling pretty bad. When they think the world is against them, Sometimes talking to them just helps make things better.

4) Not so much of hanging on me but giving me my space when I feel I really need it at times. And hopefully his thinking is something that says (now what have I done because he's been at work all day!). For me that's the kicker.

5) Who doesn't mind me baking, cooking and the cleaning well that's saying a lot eventhough the house looks messy by the time he gets home from work because our little one likes to make messes and loves to play with his mom. :)
At least I know that a home cooked meal will always beat going out to dinner without the kids. Who doesn't mind me wearing flannel pj's and slippers when I feel I can actaully relax.

6) Someone who doesn't mind me being quiet okay maybe not too quiet but can strike up a conversation that doesn't have to deal with sex or on the lines of something like that. And who doesn't always have to feel that teasing is always the best thing for all solutions, and lately that's a good thing!

7) I know that I'm a great mom who goes out of her way to make sure her boys has enough love to go around, at the same time someone needs to find a way of showing a little more love to the boys instead of feeling they need to give it all to me.

8) Someone who doesn't mind me being a little silly at times and when it comes to the boys they need someone to get down to their level. Hey! what can I say I've come up with some good stuff at times usually one of the kids will think of something. And they have made me laugh so hard my sides ech!

Now I have to tag eight other people? how about three sorry thats all I could come up with. And sorry if this may sound a little corney I'm not feeling well and there is more I will post later on the events.

Catch 272

Desperate Husband

shades of woe