The Game

In playing along with O272 and my Hubby, this is my contribution. If you look closely you wil see where my bra strap is digging into my back and shoulders. That is a huge part of the reason for my breast reduction surgery. If I continue to put off having surgery done, my left shoulder will become more forward than where it is supposed to be. I can feel the weight being heavier on my left than on my right.

Yes that is my tan lines from my bathing suit, shows how much time I've been spending in the pool with our boys.

Summer and Jobs

Here's my pic for the month of July. It seems as though summer days are about to come to an end for us. We have one family vacation coming up next month, I'm pretty excited about it. It's been a year since I've seen my dad and he hasn't seen our oldest in a long time. I've sent him pics of our youngest. L hasn't seen him yet. It's tough when your about two states away, and even though we live so far away I still call him, just to see how every one is doing. This pic is one of my favorites I took it the day before the 4th. They didn't have any summer school, they were up early to catch the bus. I said to both of them, they could sleep any time they wanted to, or go play outside with the dog. They all crashed so hard even the dog didn't realize I was at the door taking this pic! When they got up again, they played some more, I didn't catch C and Buddy on his own bed asleep with the dog. Ch came home from work to change and asked if I knew that C and Buddy we're on the bed sleeping? I said no, I was busy doing things around the house. I knew something was up because, I didn't hear any fighting during the day. When Buddy stayed with us he was very well behaved. Of cores he didn't listen to chi he ignored him totally I would tell him to lay on his bed he would do it. CH would shake his head, I would start laughing. F-I-l would say the same thing, then again there were times when Buddy didn't want to listen to any one. As for my two cats, they didn't mind him being here as long as Buddy didn't bark. They could careless if there was a dog, in their house. All three got along fine. Buddy will be staying with us when his master goes on another vacation next month, while the boys are in school. No playmates for him, unless you call the family cats playmates! Since this was my fist summer not working a single night I have somewhat enjoyed being home, then again my paychecks have not been very good. I've taken the bad with the good. My first part of my summer. I didn't have to deal with any neighborhood kids, it was so nice having both kids gone from the house. I'm afraid to say our boys are getting, to the point of being board. Which isn't good since they have three weeks and three days to go before school starts. At least they weren't entirely board, they both enjoyed summer school while it lasted. C wanted to return to summer school, he loves the structure of school. I did try to persuade him for me to teach him. It was a little big kid NO!! So I didn't force the issue. Right now I'm teaching oldest how to read, it's not easy. He needs this extra push. So when he does return to school, he will not have so much trouble with his reading.

As for my job issue it has been resolved, I'm not saying I've quit looking. I've actually had three interviews and the third one was the charm of all three. Even though I would have loved to have gone to Hawaii for training and learning the ropes in my career field. I figured it would not happen. I've let it go. Unless by some chance he would call me back for a second interview. I haven't heard, no hard feelings. It wasn't meant to be. I have more than enough training under my belt, it would be nice to continue my education, for now I'm happy where I have been led to. The Lord knows what is best for me. For that I am thankful. Today I had my second interview, after the first one was a week ago yesterday, I had an interview which, she had thought was on Monday. She called to see why I didn't show up. I explained to her that she said that Tuesday was a better day. Both of us work and I usually have a few clients on Mondays. She apologized for making the mistake and she would see me on Tuesday, I don't think she meant to do this. She had not one but two interviews going on at the same time. Mine was pretty straight forward, I couldn't be a sales person if my life could save me. And she was interviewing for that one. She asked if I was okay working every weekend? I'm sorry but I've got two boys and every other weekend would work for my family. All three of them just looked me. Hey I'm not as young as you think I am. It's a good thing I keep my thoughts to myself and learned to not give your age.

So today I had my second part of the interview, this is the part that either gets you the job or they will think about giving you a chance. It's not an easy process I did land the job, she couldn't believe how well I draped her, and asked if she was feeling good. And if she needed anything? You know it's good that I was taught stuff like that. You don't know what's going to happen, while your working. I start work around the 11th of August, she wants to meet with every one that she has hired around the 8th of August. I'm pretty excited. I don't know about my hours yet, until the day of the meeting. 35 miles round trip it's not that bad, it's working in a very populated area, I'm looking forward in working there. I'm just proud of myself for landing a job that has room to grow, and maybe someday I'll open up my own place of work. For now I'm pleased with the offer she handed me yesterday, and I'm not looking back only forward.

So while I was typing this last night, I noticed this:
Everything in life is most fundamentally a gift.
And you receive it best and you live it
best by holding it with very open hands.
Leo O'Donovan

Over Heated

As soon as I feel better I'll post some good things. Right now I've got a sinus headache from hell, that won't seem to go away. I've already tried taking some meds earlier after I had gotten home from an out of town interview. After things settle down I'll be back to post an update. It's going to take some time to figure out, if both of my prospective jobs that I'm looking at are willing to be as flexible as I am. The only trouble that I'm having is what kind of questions I should be asking. I have already checked out both companies and what they offer in Massages both are very good. One pays more than the other, one is to open next month or even sooner, the other doesn't open until either later this fall or until January of next year depends on how fast the work is being done to the hotel. Both are not far from home one is looking for someone that knows the area. The other is located near shopping centers. That's all the information I can give at this time, I'm headed for bed, so I can heal. Good Night.

HNT By request

Yes this is by request, I don't usually flaunt what I have. One week from today I get to see a plastic surgen to have a breast reduction done. I'm not one bit scared just hopeful that this will be a success and no complications afterwards.

Looking at my breast I can almost point out, where each scar is where I had lumps removed. I know :::creepy:::.

Happy HNT!

I Wasn't Ready For This

I know strange title, this post is going to reflect on a few things. So please just bare with me, while I try to sort this whole mess out. And maybe put what energy that I have left into my house work. By the way dear husband I'll get to it to. :) And you know I do love you.

I have thought about what went on here this weekend, to me it seemed like a dream that someone would wake me up and say who are you talking to? Knowing all to well it was my brother that is finally home. I say this only because it was his idea to leave family that would have helped in any way possible. His wife didn't want to move. I feel that life can throw us a curve ball not once but a few times. He had every thing. Only he wanted more. He got more and then some. He left a home that was given to him 4 yrs ago. She was very happy and content to live right there on the place that he grew up, strangest thing is he's not living too far from were we did grow up. Makes me wonder if he's regretting what he did?

Our visit was somewhat a little passive. We are a hugiging loving family. Somehow I wasn't sure how to take him being home. Mostly mixed emotions happy he's back, sad that he should have said something anything to let us know he was hurting in some way. I feel that he does need help emotionally. I did pick up on his energy, he's very disconnected in some ways blames others for what happen on this day 4 yrs ago. I'm trying my hardest not to repeat what I've already explained somewhere else. This isn't easy writing. When your dealing with verbal abuse it's hard to write about. That I know. Only as CH has said he's taking it to the next level, where CH never did he's only read my diaries. Yes I'm emotionally drained at the moment, took me a while to workout late this morning. I eat what I want, drink when I remember to have a glass of water. I feel so numb...Like I've been hit by a storm of some sorts, if that's a good way of describing myself. I've shed a few tears, haven't cried myself to sleep yet, I'm waiting for that to happen. Keeping it together for our boys they don't need to know any of this all they need to know is their uncle and aunt love them very much.

I and s-I-l's talk which turned into a three way, (get mind out of gutter)! She is giving me my moms ashes, guest book, and death certificate. There is money set aside after the property had sold, it's sitting in a bank in Id, if they can't work it out then it gets divided I'm so mad at my brother I could ring his f'ing neck! There are a few things that I will not part with, another china cabinet that goes to my sister if she can save enough money to get her own place. A writing desk that has been in the family for years, I used when I was in high school that I did my homework on, it needs work done to it. I'll find a place for it. Nick nacks that I have to go through, that worth a lot of money. I can't keep them I have no space for them I'll go through them to see what I can take otherwise they will go up for sale. We should have done this right after my mom passed away she agreed with me, it has a lot to do with the travel distance timing was never right. I have no choice, I've got to go down there and see what I can do.

I know I can't do any thing emotionally for her, except tell her she is still welcome to my house any time. Family is very important to me, she knows that. She very much loves my brother he needs to wake up, and smell the coffee before it's too late. I really thought that we had gotten through to him, if I had known he was yelling at her I would've turned around and went after them. She's very upset over this whole situation, she is planning on going into hiding if need be.

There is also some unfinished business with my moms estate, not something that I was even looking forward in handling since. I'm dealing with C. With his behavior issues which by the way are getting better with each passing day. Like I said I've done a lot of bouncing around sorry folks but that's how I'm feeling today.

As for my brother he's, staying with a classmate of mine from high school. It's going to take a lot on his part and her part to put it back back together and make it stronger. She's not going to give in so easily to my brother, understandable there I know of his temper, know what it's like to be scared to death. When he was doing some bad stuff in his younger years. It kind of boils down to this, he's in denial of yelling at his wife, he thinks he does no wrong been there with CH. I Know damn well that this going to take more, than just us talking to him. It will have to be someone that knows how to deal with guys like both CH and my brother. We weren't raised this way, we were taught to love one another and never hurt, all that does is leave scares that heal.

At last seeing him in a light that I know of all to well, I'm praying for mercy on his heart. And he realizes this is not a game this is real. Having a little baby girl that he loves very much, she's going to need him when she gets older. We did try to explain to him that kids even babies pick up on the bad energy, they feel our sadness, they feed off our love. I'm sure he doesn't want to have her grow up and finding this to be love because it's not. It's hurtful, it's painful, and it's not a way for any woman to live.

On July 4, 03 brought my mom home from hospital, July 12,03 I was called to the hospital where I was born at, my mom was on life support. I was told to come quickly and not to drive myself. CH was with his parents she followed him here, took our boys home with her, I and CH met everyone at the hospital including her brother and s-I-L. She had underwent a 7 bypass surgery six days before her passing, I prayed that her recovery would go smoothly. Alas it didn't, she died at the same hospital that I was born at. Her passing was quick she suffered nothing. The world didn't stop for my broken heart. Time seemed to stop, in some ways, then again I knew I wouldn't see her any more. I still have pics of her one I've missed place I'm sure I'll find it when I'm not looking for it.

I've spent so much time on this post. I realize that I went on different paths throughout this post. In due time I will post some thing more vibrant. I have some pics that I took the day before the 4th of our boys I'll post them. When I find the time to do so. Today is their last day of Summer School it's going to be a little tough posting much. I will give it a shot though.

Don't Worry About A Thing

Because everything is going to be alright.

These are the words our oldest has been singing and for some reason, while the t.v. is on. The same exact words, came back he must have picked up on the signs mom's job isn't working for us. And he heard a message on our answering machine for me. Another job interview this time for a place that I've read about. So I called the place, she called me back. She explained to me how much they make being a massage therapist working for them, what kind of benefits they offer. Basically if I don't make around $15.00 per hour, or bring in enough tips I'll be busted down to $6.75. Now that's something for me to really think about the driving distance it 35 minutes, the other that I'm interviewing for a second time is 45 minutes and pays $20.00 per hour. I"m praying for a good drive tomorrow for my second interview I've already had my fair share of how people drive near the bay area. I will explain why I was there in a few minutes, I received several leads read them carefully most if not all want someone who is a massage therapist esthetican. So that leaves me out, I'm not an esthetican I don't work with people's faces or give a light massage that you don't feel anything. We'll I'll be throwing that one out with tonight's trash, some want you to be licened before applying. That's another strike against me, it would cost me $165.00 to take the exam and if I don't pass it the first time around. I have to pay another $165.00 in order to retake the test. There are a few that I would be interested if the drive wasn't such a pain in the ass, some are not far from the state capital. Not quite what I had in mind the pay is good but drive sucks I've been through that area know what it's like not something I want to do, the pay I'm not even going to mention it's really high.

Now on to what I was doing, in the bay area or close to it? I had my second appointment for my breast, I explained to her that my left feel like it's still swollen she asked if I've been doing my monthly exams I've failed to do so. I know, I know, I'm suppose to check them but lately with everything that has been going on It's one of those things that had slipped my mind. I've also told her I can't afford to buy new bras every three to four months just because my left side is bigger than my right. I told her I had seen the video on the breast surgery, she contacted them again through her computer in her office. Which means they are suppose to contact me sometime this or next week, I did tell her I've been having all of my bra straps cut into me I only have one that is pretty comfortable. By providing the information she needed that will get the ball moving in the right direction. It will be the end of a double d on one side, and just do some work on the right since it's smaller in size, about a c cup. I'm hoping to have this done by Christmas, knowing my luck I'll have it done next Jan.

I would also like to add this to my post, for all to enjoy. As I took a closer look it's not one of my best poses, I'm beginning to feel very self conscious again. I do work out I should do it a little more, having a pool in the back yard, is going to help a lot. The breast reduction is really going to help I sit up as tall as I can so my left side is cutting into me. It doesn't matter what vitamin's I take I still have the same problems my body rejects them, I haven't found the time to get a massage for myself. First thing first is get the job, then go and see someone to work on my back. So here's my pic for HNT, I know it's been a while since I've done one only for this reason I don't feel my best on the outside, but on the inside I'm starting to shine once more. I'm also down to 172lbs so I lost 5lbs, I would rather lose than gain.


I also got into youngsters room earlier this morning it was a pain to do, but it had to get done. I ended up throwing out so many broken toys including the one's they get in the happy meals. And when I got home this afternoon, six hands are better than two after some good old fashion talk or no pool, they decided they needed to help. It's finally a room that is in order. It's so late my body is telling me it's bed time I also have to get CH up so he can go to work. Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Celebrity tag!

I've been tagged by Pretty Peanut. The tag is I suppose to list 5 celebrities that I'm to have sex with no reprocusions. Not as easy as I thought!

In no particular order:


Vin Diesel.


Kenny Chesney. There's something about guys in cowboy hats.;-)


Michael Imperioli


Blake Shelton If you have ever heard his voice it's hot!


Tracy Byrd he's got a cute baby face, and he was just performing in Cali not too long ago I didn't get to see him.

There you have it my five favorits. By the way does a blogger count? One in a hot tool belt with nothing else on? Just wondering.

I can't think of anyone else to tag. Feel free to take a try at this.