Sick & Stressed

Yes you've read the title right, I'm sick and under a lot of pressure. This past week has been busy, and this is one of those weekends when I really wanted to leave the house take everyone to the ocean. That will not happen, I woke up with a head hurting really bad, it felt like someone stabbing me in the temple, then finding out there isn't enough cash to do much with, which made it worse. Right now I can't handle the sun light or loud noises they don't bother me all that much, but today is one those days I just want it to be very soothing. Everything is off except for the computer and a few reading material that I've got beside me. What a way of spending a beautiful day inside, while the sun is just right for tanning!

I had my oldest IEP meeting on Thursday, if I Ch hadn't remind me to call and make sure the date was right I would have missed it. Sure enough they sent me the wrong date the time was right oh my gosh! Couldn't get the date straight or call me to let me know? What is wrong with teachers!?! Then the principle didn't show up because he had other obligations, knowing late afternoons are the only times we can get together for meetings like this between my work and Ch's. (Speaking of my work it has picked a little more), just in time too. I had one client that same afternoon, luckily they didn't book me another right after that one or I wouldn't have made it to the school. As I was pulling into town the traffic was a little backed up, thank god I only work five mins from home, other wise I would have been late getting to the meeting. I took a short cut getting to the school which the meeting had not started yet. So where was Ch? He was working o.t. the same time as I was getting to the meeting, as he was walking in as we were about to finish up on the goals set for next year.

So why am I not feeling well today? I'm pretty concerned with our oldest and the way he is learning. If there was another option I would take it. Right now there isn't without quitting my job or moving, if I had my way we would in a heart beat pack everything say goodbye to our loved ones and leave. I know easier said than done. Been there, done that, has it help? No! I've pretty much beaten myself up over this taken the hits more than once. When you are dealing with a child that has a mental problem in learning it gets overwhelming at times. He's at a 1st grade second month math level, his reading is now at a mid 2nd grade level. His memory skills have jumped up to a third grade level, he is still two years behind where he should be.
He still has delays in his fine motor skills yet he tries hard in completing the assignments. Now if I could only get him to turn them, in then his grades wouldn't have dropped so drastic. A D in math an F in spelling, because he doesn't turn his homework in like he suppose to. I did have a talk with him over this told him he really needs to start turning things in and not wait until I've got a meeting.

Besides his levels against him, he's a real sweetheart I should have taken a picture and show you's what he did for me today since I'm not feeling all that well. He vacuumed my living room, tried folding clothes. At least he put them in the laundry basket so I'll get to those later. His teacher says the same thing about him, he's a hard worker, willing to learn, and wanting to please. At the same time he's also the butt end, of every awful joke the kids have played on him. We are very concerned about this, as he gets older it's either going to get worse, or it's going to end up hurting someone. Not something a parent wants to hear, we put in a request for a student helper for next year. Since there is only two weeks left of school, it wouldn't do any good now. It's possible it might or it might, not get turned down. We don't know until school starts in late August, I know my parental rights and I will take that in consideration for next year.

Friday came and went, I received a catalogs I'm not naming the company at this time. I don't know if I could in the future for right now I'm just going leave it at that. My S-I-L sent me a catalogs and I called her I wanted to make sure the number that I have in my phone still worked so I dialed it sure enough it's the same. Left a brief message I wasn't sure if she would call me back. She did, we talked explained my situation that we have been having, she said I don't like being the bearer of bad news. I said it can't get any worse then I've been through. She said it's really bad, alright I can handle this, she tells me that my little nephew is having some health issues they are not sure if it's cancer they found three little pea size lumps a long his spine. As she is telling me this I'm starting to cry, he's only 4 yrs old cute as can be, and has arthitis throughout his little body. They almost lost him once when he was about 10 months old. Then again at age 1 this time, they are not sure if he will make it. They almost lost him this past Dec. Fell unconscious, they rushed him to the children hospital there in Salt Lake.

It's one of many turns in life, you think that every thing will work out for the best. And then you get snowballed! They are handling it the best way they know how, they've walked this road before. They were lucky with round one this is round #2 for all of them. My little nephew has his bad days and his good days, he plays and laughs. Gets dirty like any little boy does. Yet there is a sad part that we are not sure about. I've already been informed if he doesn't make it we are to go out there, I'm praying for better days for all of us, we don't need this not now. I've only spent one week with all of them last year. It's not enough time I need more! He's only 4 not ready to leave, then again cancer doesn't care how old you are or what you want to be when you grow up. I told my s-I-l, if she ever needs someone to lean on. I'm only a phone call away if she has to hang up I'll call her right back. I've got her email address I'll be writing encouraging words to her, letting her know that they are not alone. And they don't have to go through this alone, They haven't told the rest of the family I'm the first they have told. Whether or not they tell the rest it's up to them. They don't want any one to feel sorry for them. They are taking it day by day, hour by hour. All I can do is pray for them as they go through this difficult time.

June 4 Sun.
After a goodnights rest I went to church, had to bring youngster home. He was hitting me and just not wanting to listen today. Too many late nights this weekend started on Friday, Saturday, and tonight he's going to bed early. It's not easy when you don't know when or if his moods will stay the same. Many parents would give up break down, and not wanting to deal with a child like mine. For me it's part of being a mom you learn, you make mistakes, take the bad with the good. And you hug your child like there's no tomorrow. Many a nights I've went without sleep, pacing the floors, wondering where I was getting my energy from. I love both of my boys, yet I have a huge heart with my family that's one state away. Right now my heart is with them, while my body is here.

Since we didn't do any thing yesterday, we took a drive along the Delta. There are two seasons to take a drive, like we did today is during summer and fall. On our way home we stopped at our most loved strawberry stand, picked up some fresh picked strawberries yummy! Came home, started on dinner. Event's I'm still not feeling all that great my stomach is still feeling a little on the upset side. Just getting outside whether it be a drive, or a walk it still counts for a good day after all.

As I left a comment somewhere, I've thought about leaving again. With everything going on I'm not sure what to do. Stay or go, continue to write as much as I can. Both of our boys have two weeks left of school. I'm looking forward to both of them going to summer school, I've been told it's for two weeks, I hope the hell not! I'm planning on taking my Wednesday mornings and doing some laps at the pool. Can it get any worse? Dinner is ready I'm not missing out on helping in the kitchen.