My Week

Somewhere along the line, someone has either yelled at their other half. Or you've walked away with nothing being resolved. As my evening would have it, sure I kept a kitten, (if I could find the damn cord to my camera that hooks up to the computer I'd show it)! Knowing my luck it will show up when I'm not looking for it! With that sure there was a war of words, missed bible study with the gals, one picture broken which I threw, yes I did pick up all the broken pieces and a late cold dinner! Okay so maybe it was all my fault for doing the right thing, taking five instead of all six, they would have charged me more if I took the kept one. And if I didn't hold it as much or if it didn't crawl into bed with youngest, I would have taken it.

That was just the tip of the ice burg, I had to work late that afternoon. I didn't get back into town until after 12:00p.m. I was late getting youngster from school his teacher called my cell looking for me, luckily I was still at least 20 min from his school. I still had to get the house clean after getting supplies for a cake that CH had to make for his work, on Friday. Which made it for a long late morning, oh not to mention a gas pump was acting up on me, it was enough to through in the towel. Sure if there was some way that I would, have seen the signs of his depression come on I would have done and said things a little differently.

His voice was on edge, for some reason I just didn't tap into it this time. I know there have been things, that haven't been well in our house hold sure we've got a youngster that is still having a hard time recongnizing in letters and numbers. His teacher is not sure if he will catch on to any of these. Hell if he's having trouble with this isn't her job to find a program to help with this? Youngster can say his alphabet with no problem he can sing the abc's without looking at them, so if he can sing them why can't he recognizes them? And yes I did question her she didn't have an answer for me. She handed back a booklet that I already filled out and she wants me to refill it out and see where his growth is. I haven't seen any growth as far as I'm consern the district needs to find a different pre-k teacher who knows what the hell he or she is doing.

As you can tell it's been a week, that I wasn't prepared for. I can't begin to tell you what it's like to have someone, yell at you all over again. It took me a while to have Ch kiss or hug me. During my week it took me a while to trust him, I now know why it's taken me a long time to trust him again, I'm not one who throws things or starts yelling. It takes me a while to get mad, and when I do get mad oh my gosh it gets a little ugly. So words were said feelings, were hurt, and nothing got resolved much until the next morning. If I had my way I would slept on the couch or in youngsters room on the top bunk, I curled up on my side of the bed and went to sleep.

I asked Ch if he would stay home so we can talk, which was much better than the night before. He did say he was sorry that he got angry, he knew that I had a lot going on the day before, I only have an hour to myself. Starting this Monday I will no longer have an hour to myself I will be working. I'm taking one of my co-workers hours so now it will be a full day, if there is any on a Monday. He also knew where I was coming from, which by the way the kitten keeps youngster out of my hair as long as he plays nicely. He feeds and waters the cats for me, it gives him something to do on the days he's home.

Our talk was much needed earlier this week, if I had known what was bothering Ch I would have pushed a little harder in getting our boys to bed. They rarely go to bed without bed time stories, when I was in school and working nights I didn't get the chance to read to them only on the weekends now it's two or three nights that they get stories. Unless it's really late then, it's just hugs and kisses. That morning he told me what was eating him up, dreams that we both want shattered only because he thinks it's impossible to reach. He knows that I need a new suv, he wants a new truck as well. He's worried that we won't be able to make the house payments later on down the road, one of these days he's going to believe that it is possible to keep dreaming; Hopefully I'm both wrong and right on this one.

I believe there is still hope, right now I'm trying to save for my retirement. It's hard we both want things and yet there is still mountains to move and goals to achieve. Without one of us taking another job, he's got a test coming up which he is taking, I'm not telling him not take it. I'm telling him to go for it! Sheesh I feel like I'm nag in some ways; So maybe if I wasn't such soft hearted person who loves life, and loves animals very much except for snakes, I wouldn't mind having another Iguna. We had one a long time ago, we ended up getting rid of it. The hardest part of this week is knowing that there is something not right with a loved one.

To really know what one is thinking, there are times when you have to be in tune to what he or she is feeling. I'm new to the depression area, I know what it can do to a person. I've learned to back away, redirect our boys into doing something else and leaving dad alone for a while. Since Ch has taught me how to run a gas bar b que, sometimes I'll use my eletric wok for homemade stir fry, or my slow cooker. It's hard to know when he'll have his depression. I knew there was something wrong when I had left for my retreat, and to be honest I would have turned around and gotten him some help. I never know when his mood will change, it's hard to cope at times. For me I think it's my fault, or he's just having a bad day. So can anyone tell me why some of us blame for the others faults? When you know it's not yours?

As it is I've worked on this for two days and I've got to let this last week pass, let it go. Like I have done with so many hurtful and anger from years pass. I have some reading to do, I've bought a few books one of them I'm reading the next will be a little longer than the first I figure it will be a good one.