My Week

Somewhere along the line, someone has either yelled at their other half. Or you've walked away with nothing being resolved. As my evening would have it, sure I kept a kitten, (if I could find the damn cord to my camera that hooks up to the computer I'd show it)! Knowing my luck it will show up when I'm not looking for it! With that sure there was a war of words, missed bible study with the gals, one picture broken which I threw, yes I did pick up all the broken pieces and a late cold dinner! Okay so maybe it was all my fault for doing the right thing, taking five instead of all six, they would have charged me more if I took the kept one. And if I didn't hold it as much or if it didn't crawl into bed with youngest, I would have taken it.

That was just the tip of the ice burg, I had to work late that afternoon. I didn't get back into town until after 12:00p.m. I was late getting youngster from school his teacher called my cell looking for me, luckily I was still at least 20 min from his school. I still had to get the house clean after getting supplies for a cake that CH had to make for his work, on Friday. Which made it for a long late morning, oh not to mention a gas pump was acting up on me, it was enough to through in the towel. Sure if there was some way that I would, have seen the signs of his depression come on I would have done and said things a little differently.

His voice was on edge, for some reason I just didn't tap into it this time. I know there have been things, that haven't been well in our house hold sure we've got a youngster that is still having a hard time recongnizing in letters and numbers. His teacher is not sure if he will catch on to any of these. Hell if he's having trouble with this isn't her job to find a program to help with this? Youngster can say his alphabet with no problem he can sing the abc's without looking at them, so if he can sing them why can't he recognizes them? And yes I did question her she didn't have an answer for me. She handed back a booklet that I already filled out and she wants me to refill it out and see where his growth is. I haven't seen any growth as far as I'm consern the district needs to find a different pre-k teacher who knows what the hell he or she is doing.

As you can tell it's been a week, that I wasn't prepared for. I can't begin to tell you what it's like to have someone, yell at you all over again. It took me a while to have Ch kiss or hug me. During my week it took me a while to trust him, I now know why it's taken me a long time to trust him again, I'm not one who throws things or starts yelling. It takes me a while to get mad, and when I do get mad oh my gosh it gets a little ugly. So words were said feelings, were hurt, and nothing got resolved much until the next morning. If I had my way I would slept on the couch or in youngsters room on the top bunk, I curled up on my side of the bed and went to sleep.

I asked Ch if he would stay home so we can talk, which was much better than the night before. He did say he was sorry that he got angry, he knew that I had a lot going on the day before, I only have an hour to myself. Starting this Monday I will no longer have an hour to myself I will be working. I'm taking one of my co-workers hours so now it will be a full day, if there is any on a Monday. He also knew where I was coming from, which by the way the kitten keeps youngster out of my hair as long as he plays nicely. He feeds and waters the cats for me, it gives him something to do on the days he's home.

Our talk was much needed earlier this week, if I had known what was bothering Ch I would have pushed a little harder in getting our boys to bed. They rarely go to bed without bed time stories, when I was in school and working nights I didn't get the chance to read to them only on the weekends now it's two or three nights that they get stories. Unless it's really late then, it's just hugs and kisses. That morning he told me what was eating him up, dreams that we both want shattered only because he thinks it's impossible to reach. He knows that I need a new suv, he wants a new truck as well. He's worried that we won't be able to make the house payments later on down the road, one of these days he's going to believe that it is possible to keep dreaming; Hopefully I'm both wrong and right on this one.

I believe there is still hope, right now I'm trying to save for my retirement. It's hard we both want things and yet there is still mountains to move and goals to achieve. Without one of us taking another job, he's got a test coming up which he is taking, I'm not telling him not take it. I'm telling him to go for it! Sheesh I feel like I'm nag in some ways; So maybe if I wasn't such soft hearted person who loves life, and loves animals very much except for snakes, I wouldn't mind having another Iguna. We had one a long time ago, we ended up getting rid of it. The hardest part of this week is knowing that there is something not right with a loved one.

To really know what one is thinking, there are times when you have to be in tune to what he or she is feeling. I'm new to the depression area, I know what it can do to a person. I've learned to back away, redirect our boys into doing something else and leaving dad alone for a while. Since Ch has taught me how to run a gas bar b que, sometimes I'll use my eletric wok for homemade stir fry, or my slow cooker. It's hard to know when he'll have his depression. I knew there was something wrong when I had left for my retreat, and to be honest I would have turned around and gotten him some help. I never know when his mood will change, it's hard to cope at times. For me I think it's my fault, or he's just having a bad day. So can anyone tell me why some of us blame for the others faults? When you know it's not yours?

As it is I've worked on this for two days and I've got to let this last week pass, let it go. Like I have done with so many hurtful and anger from years pass. I have some reading to do, I've bought a few books one of them I'm reading the next will be a little longer than the first I figure it will be a good one.

I Forgot My camera

Hi every one, I'm back, and I feel so much better. I feel as if I'm walking on a new path with my savior. I cannot begin to tell you what a blessing and how many burdens have been lifted off my shoulders. There were a lot of tears a lot of laughter and being in the presence of a greater spirit, I was truly blessed with the speaker that they had at the retreat, it's so hard to explain how I'm feeling. It was truly a moving weekend. I did get a little lost only because I was suppose to make a left turn and not a right, I made it. Missed most of the presentation, at least I made it there. The place was set off in the hills a swimming pool, rock wall. Oh by the way which I did climb it was totally awesome I conquered a fear of heights, if you've ever climbed one of these before oh my gosh! What a rush, the cool part is they have a bell and when you reached the top you got to ring as loud as you what. Each of us had our cheering section, it was so much fun. I didn't go down the water slide I figured the water would have been cold, sure enough one my roommates said it was. It's a good thing I didn't go down. I did go swimming, the pool was so refreshing, the water was warm. I had the pool all to myself no one in the water for me to worry about swimming into, I had a refreshing swim all by my self.

The morning walks were so refreshing, no one to bother you. We each had our own agenda in mind, each of us prayed for different areas in our lives. I prayed for more devotional time with god each morning and going for walks, and when I need a sister in Christ do not be afraid to let someone know. Since we were so short on money for me to take with me, god blessed me in another way, I did two massages $ for 30 minutes both gave me fourth for both massages. What a blessing! God came through when I needed it most. I bought some books and a two necklaces for the boys. I couldn't find any thing for CH, I should have bought him a book. It's so hard to know which to chose from. I feel a little bad, I could always order one that I did find for him online, if he wouldn't mind.

Before each session, they would have door prizes my church group walked away with the several door prizes. I got a water bottle which I do need for work and when I'm out with the boys, and a book called Bible Promises to Treasure for Women, I figure that one can stay in my purse. The two books that I did buy, I do regret not buying one that would have really helped I and CH is, by the author and speaker Carol Hopson. Hope & Help for a Mother's Heart, I should've returned and gotten God, This Wasn't My Plan. She has two others as well, the book selection was so hard to chose from they had many that are sold in book stores. I did pick this one up as well A Woman of Significance, it caught my eye, and it just looked like a good one to read. Looks like I got some reading to do when everything is done, and not before.

I will not forget this weekend, it was such a blessing I'm so glad that I went. Some of us were wanted to back out the last minute, it's a good thing that none of us did. We were all blessed with a new way of looking at our situations that each of us are going through. I can relate to some of the things kelly was saying (not her real name) she had a lot of spiritual blessings a lot of why's and questions, and some she just let the higher spirit take over. No looking back only going forward, for most of us we have a tendency of falling back in our ways, than moving forward in our midst of things that are going wrong. Each of us, were given a new insight of how to deal with lives little ups and downs in a spiritual way.

As the evening wore on, our small group came to realize. As long as we offer eachother some spiritual advise, or at least. Let someone know we are hurting in some way that, we know that someone will be there. I can actually say I'm glad that I went, next year I'm bringing my massage table, just for my group of gals, two really enjoyed my massages and have asked if I wouldn't mind if they got them again in the future one lives where I work and the other is a long time member of the church that I attend. I realized one thing, when I'm feeling a little annoyed with my family I need to find some quite time. Before I start doing my house work and jumping on my computer and let my feelings of disappointment or anger get the best of me.

With internet complications yesterday evening, and being very tired from my drive. And dealing with two unruly boys, who wouldn't listen even though they both knew not to make both of us angry. It caused for a long evening, and finally sleep was the best medecine for everyone. I'm blessed with house full of boys no matter how our day's go I still, have someone else taking care of my troubles. I have a few things to do before my evening out with my bible group, I'm hoping that I don't lose what I got out of this weekend or any time of the year.

No Name

This was just taken on Mother's Day morning, my oldest helped picked out the purse for me a few weeks before Mother's day. It was like mom you've gotta have it! No one else has one, you need to be a little different, you know for a eleven year old he's right for once. Like most boys, he can be a little difficult, I still love them both no matter how they get. As for the clock on the left side of my purse, that was given to me by both boys, I was a little teary eyed when I realized who it was. I know I'm a sucker for these kinds of gifts. CH did get some red roses they ended up in the trash yesterday, my last but not least gift he gave me it's now playing in my suv. It's real nice stereo we've had nice not this nice, I gave him the idea on our drive home for our over night trip. We both couldn't find a radio station that would come in clear enough, oh boy does it work! I love it. The only one I didn't get a pic of was youngest gift from him his foot in clay, with marbles surrounding it with a pin for a toe ring. I couldn't help my self I opened it up after we got home. It's really cute, for a child with difficulty in learning he sure is creative.

I don't even know where to begin tonight, it's been a busy day. I took my cat in to get her fixed so no more kittens running underfoot, we've got six left. I'm debating in keeping one of them as our youngest has been holding it and playing with him. It's a very hard thing to do, he's five. He doesn't really understand the meaning of our kitty is at the vet and will be home tomorrow, he started crying wanting the mommy cat home. I haven't even begun to pack, I've got a field trip to attend with him on Friday, thankgoodness it's here in town at a farm that I have no clue where it's at. I wouldn't go, but I've already told them that I will be there, I took the day off of work, so I could pack looks like I'll be packing as soon as the field trip is over. Oh joy! Hopefully he doesn't have a melt down while I'm packing, that will just break my heart again. He's had one, so far it doesn't mean he won't have another.

I've been reading an articals on Autism, that our mechanic had given Ch. Right after I had picked up my suv from the shop. It's hard to know which one you are dealing with, when you have such a hard time having him looking at you. He's so talented in doing art projects. He recently given me another right after mothers day it's still my truck I need to bring it in, I haven't decided weather or not to post it on here. I'll have to wait and see. It's a little strange not having my cat around usually she'll jump on my table and start playing with me or looking for attention. I know she's not aloud on the table and she knows that she's just another child.

I know I've jumped around a lot last night it's, been a busy week. It's hard not really knowing which topic to stick with. My writing isn't as good as it ususally has been, I've just dealt with too much this week and I'm feeling a little burnt. Hopefully I will have something, good to say next week after my weekend away. I've been through too much lately and phone calls have been made and meetings have been set for the first week in June. I will leave you with this:

I am beginning to learn that it is the
sweet, simple things of life which are
the real ones after all
Laura Ingles Wilder

Happy Mothers Day

After some thinking about Mothers Day, I remember giving my mom art work that I later got back after she had passed away, and the china hutch that I brought home about a month afer she was gone. Then I was asked who gets this strange mug that saids MOM on it? I told my S-I-L it's not strange, it belongs to me thank you very much I gave that to mom when I was about 6 or 7 yrs old. My mom never used it she kept it just like it is now unused. So Here's my tribute to mom's, my mom use to milk a cow while I was growing up, made her own butter out of cream, she did many other countless things. Yet this peom says it all. And I'm fighting tears that I well up, from missing her so much.


MOM
How beatifully everything is arranged by nature. Just as soon as a child enters the world it finds a mother ready to take care of it. Luckly Mothers Have Been Relieved Of such duties as milking cows and making butter so they've been able to move up to Family economist, Child psychologist, career person and still cook, too. Mothers are the most unselfish, the most responsible people in the world Motherhood is not a matter of bearing children; That is a biological event. Motherhood is diapers and bottles; clinging hands and endless questions; joyful tears and foolish fear. But most of all, Motherhood is an opportunity to influence the transformation of a child into a remarkble human being. Just as breast milk cannot be duplicated. Neither can a Mother. No one like one's mother ever lived. Mothering is an art which demands affection, gentleness and understanding, firmness, restraint and sacrafice. At the heart of a mothers sacrafice is the knowledge that one day she must set her child free. A mother is not a person to lean on, But a person to make learning unnecessary. A mother achieves more than a hundred teachers. Where do mothers learn all the things they tell their children not to do? What on earth woudl children do if they didn't have Mothers to help them through their troubles. A Mother understands what a child does not say. Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe. Of being able to pour out words and thoughts and know that she would take and sift them keeping what was worth keeping and parting with the rest. Of all the home remedies. Having mother there is the best. As a mother you serve much longer that you expected. Now, as alwasys the most automated appliance in the house is you. After all who wants to try to make pies like mother makes when it's so much simpler to let mother make them in the first place! To bear and rear to cook and clean; to be instantly available without being underfoot; No wonder the proffession is free of male competition. It is such a grand thing to the mother of a mother that the world calls you a grandmother. And, just about the time a woman thinks her work is done, she becomes both mother and grandmother and a grand babysitter. A mother never realizes her children are no longer children. No matter how old they are, A mother still watches for signs of improvement. In the eyes of it's mother, every beetle is a gazelle. Mom is a much more magical word than mother. It holds memories of sunlit rooms and laughter and love beyond the dreams of anyone. Memmories, too, of the push and tug it took to keep you up to par. To make you more than you thought you could be and memories of advice that did not fall on deaf ears I heard you then, and I hear you now. And thank you from the bottom of my heart, I Love You Mom.
Author Mom/Barbra Smallwood and Glenn Taylor

My Lovely Weekend

These set of pictures were taken, by both of us. The view was awesome and from where I was standing I couldn't resist taking pictures, of what I was talking about a month ago in this post. I love the beauty of the water coming in and crashing along the shore, for me it's letting everything that has been going on with us and letting it all wash away. And having time stand still of just a little while taking in the smell of fresh air, no one to bother you, no cell service. The walks along the beach, I wish we could have stayed longer. It was so breathtaking and feeling renewed by visiting places along the Cali ocean shore. If I could I would go this weekend just the family and making a day of it. Maybe next month....We'll see our oldest hasn't been since my dad's visit and youngest was a baby when we all went to the ocean, it was raining and it wasn't all that fun.

It's All Good

As Ch has reported it was good, nothing major will take place thank goodness no surgeries this time. I won't say there will be the same out come for the next time. It's always going to be with me, no matter how many firbroids there are. Yes I did fall asleep on the way home, it was much needed. When you've been through this as many times as I have. Sleep is the best med, outside of getting a massage! For the most part they aren't taking any more fibroids out, and since there is no pain to them, I'm pretty sure that I'll be good for a while. I would rather be safe than sorry, I do feel for the ones that aren't so lucky who lose a breast or their life to an awful sickness. After my first surgery I didn't like having breast to me they were the most annoying thing to a woman's body! And to this day I still think they are still annoying. Just for the reason of having them pricked by too many needles smashed in a mammogram machine, and having stitches that dissolve on their own. The way I took a shower was by putting plastic wrap and tape, around the stitched area to keep it dry, and from soap getting into the bandaged area.

For us it's a blessing, neither one of is taking any more time off of work, we're both happy with the exam and neither one of us is losing our minds. I'm not having to tell any of my family what went on today they don't need to know, they've been left in the dark. For me it's better that way, one less person to worry over me, I know that sounds so rotten, when you've through this before and they don't come and see or barely call you to see how you are doing, it's better to leave them out of it. As you can tell I'm very happy with the outcome one less scare that I have to carry with me, and one less pain in the ass to dress each morning before and after showering. So how am I going to celebrate my victory? With a small thing of Ben n Jerrys ice cream! Sorry no chocolate candy bars and no wine coolers too late in the evening for one of those. And now I can curl up with a good book and read for a while, I can only wish....Maybe while our boys are at summer school. Yes they are both going papers signed, sealed and delivered.

thank you to all of you for the well wishes from every one who stopped by CH's blog earlier today. It's one last thing that we both have to worry about, and may we have many more turnouts just like today's.

Computers and Dinner

It's bad enough when you've got two computers in the house. One is used for business and the other desk computer is used for paying the bills, and making sure that I have some free time on my hands. This morning CH gets on the computer and he couldn't access his blog, now we all know in the past that there have been people who like to hack at what we've written. Thinking this has been done to CH, he gets a little pissed off if he can't have his reading time when he gets home from work. And I really didn't have a chance to read what he wrote last night, I was busy working on my posts from last week and from the weekend. So I go to his and it's not there, if mine is here his should be too, so I jump from site to site, it still wasn't working. So I went to my laptop to see if I could access his blog sure enough it's there! Now hold on a minute if it's on that computer why isn't working on the family computer? I turned off the family computer restart it and sure enough CH posts are back up again! I tell yah I dislike computers at times. At least I know that someone didn't highjacked his blog what a relief thank you Mr. Husbland for letting me know it was there.:). Now I can continue on to more important things like finishing dinner.

What's for dinner? it's a very easy to follow, don't ask me how long I've had this cook book. It's pretty much been through the ringer too much useage and I can't find one just like it that's a hard cover of the same thing. So here's the recipe that I'm useing tonight.

Chicken N Rice In a Bag

3 pound fryer, cut into serving pieces
1 cup raw long-grain converted rice
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken
2/3 cup water
1 envelope (1 1/2 ounces) dry onion soup mix

Rinse chicken pieces and pat dry; set aside. Combine
rice, cream of chicken soup and water in Crock-Pot; stir
well to mix in sou. Place chicken pieces in a a see through-
roasting bag; add onion soup mi. Shake bag to coat chicken pieces
throughoughly. Puncture 4 to 6 holes in bottom of bag. Fold over
chicken nad place in Crock-pot on top of rice. Cover and cook on low
for 8 to 10 hours or on High 4 to 5 hours. Remove chicken pieces to
warm plater. Serve with rice. Serves 4

That's if you own a slow cooker, I don't keep a fryer on hand so I just count out how many chicken thighs or chicken breast and cook it that way. It's a very simple
dinner. I have no problems having our boys eat this, they love it. The first time I made it I didn't think it would go over well. Oh my gush! it was a hit! As for veggies thats up to you. Enjoy and let me know what you think, it won't hurt my feelings if don't want to try it. I wanted to post something a little different.

In My Heart

I know there is sadness in my heart, I also know that lumps don't care what month or the time of the year, they just happen. Right before I had left I had mentioned that I had found a lump in my breast. I had my docs appointment on Wed., as I'm undressing for my examination I tell CH I hate this! Isn't better to get it checked so we know it's nothing? I said your right but still....As I'm sitting there I'm thinking of my weight 175 lbs I don't think that's an okay weight for me, and as I'm starting to think of how many times I sat in that room and each time I've done a good job of trying to keep from getting these, they still occur. As my doctor starts the examination, she is asking how my kids are doing I told her that Sam has Autism, she looks at me she says that's a hard one to deal with, I said yes it is, just as I tell her that my oldest is doing really well in school she moves over to the right side. Tells me not only did she find the one that I made the appointment for, but a second one has appeared that I didn't know about. My right side is good none there, thank heavens! I would have lost my mind, As she finishes my examination we discuss dates that are best fit for my schedule, I choose May 10th. As I got to thinking that's five days before Mother's Day! Now I'm really feeling a little blue, I know that the lord is watching me, as a few good angels from above. I'm feeling as if my heart is breaking, and it's no one's fault! It's one of those things that happen, Do I know what is coming next week at the appointment? Yes I've been through all this before nothing new, same thing, a needle biopsy,a mammogram which by the way hurts like hell. She will either schedule for a surgery or let it go, knowing my luck I'll be on my back for a few days for recovery, CH will have to take time off of work for this. He's been using up his vacation and sick leave for appointments with Sam and now for me, I'm feeling just a little upset over this whole situation, it's not even funny. I do everything they ask me no chocolate and no caffeine, and a bag of corn chips once in a while, not very often. In the meantime I'm getting the house work done, taking care of the boys making it as normal as possible for everyone, and still working. Which keeps my mind off of things that are going on with me, I care for those around me, sometimes more than I care for what I'm going through. They say it takes a special kind of person to put their concerns on the back burner and care for those who need it most. Other wise I'm doing okay just busy, with Sam and his schooling, which by the way isn't going all that well.

It's another battle, we explained to the teachers exactly what he has, and if there was any way that there would be any more help for him before school lets out for summer break. To no avail there is not going to be any more help, they have refused a one on one teacher that will help him with his daily tasks. Only because he can't handle a one on one, and the fact that he can't handle a class full of other students. Let's see, for one his pre-k teacher doesn't know what the hell she's doing half the time. If they were so pent up about his behavior why didn't they just send him to a different school all together? Instead of having me pick him up or try different reward system. I even talked to one teacher that I attend church with she questioned me is her class room always out of control? You know I should have pulled him out of there last year! I feel like a terrible mom for not seeing it sooner instead of waiting until this year to figure out what his problems were. Then again they weren't all that noticeable until January of this year, I feel down right angry and upset, over how things have been going with the school and with Sam all I can do is pray for a better teacher to see things my way. And of course they feel that sending him to summer school is an option, I'm not sure how well he will do; It's only for six weeks this year. It would be a nice break, my oldest has refused to go to summer school he's been going since the first grade. Now I don't even know how that's going to work; if I have one home and one gone, there so much I want to do this summer but I can't with one here and one gone. By this coming week oldest will be going to summer school, no if, ands or butts about it! I'm going to have six weeks with out the boys! Which will be give a chance to work on promotions, or try to take a few courses that will enable me to keep my insurance up to date. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, I love what I do, and yes the courses are not cheap, but it would be way of saving $70.00 per month on my student loan. I know what is best for both boys it's the matter of having the Sam act up while I'm at school or while CH and I are at work. It's so confusing at what to do, Can I scream now!?!

As much as I want a weekend away I know there isn't a way. I need to keep a positive attitude about everything that were going through, I need to be able to keep in mind that. This is just another bump in the road and one that won't last long. I can only hope; As I sit here wondering what steps I should take and which one's I shouldn't I also know there is so much that I want to do and see. Yet life is full of unwants and unwillingness to know what the future will hold.

I've taken a long time to write this, my week has been full of appointments and getting things taken care of before my weekend away. When I had started this it was the day of my appointment and a day after we had Sam's meeting at his school. I don't know what will happen next week at my next breast examination I know it will be a rough one, I'm not looking forward to and I'm not going to be a bit surprised at what she will find. Keep in mind I'm only 31 yrs and lumps don't care how old you are they just happen.


This post was suppose to be done on May 5th 2006 Sorry for the delay of the update.

A Relaxing Weekend

I can actually say Ch, did a very good job of keeping our weekend a secret. I had no idea of what was going on, all he said was we're doing something this weekend and I'm not to know what it was. Okay so if we're going away why am I the last to know? Here's where gets interesting, his parents had just returned from a five day cruise. My girlfriend has four kids so two more and there wouldn't be any room for her kids. So any idea of how he planned this? Very carefully, and very sneaky. I wouldn't have ben able to pulled it off. He would have found a way of getting me to talk. All his phrases of I'm not aloud to give this information at this time, was driving me nuts! I tried several locations each one was not in the direction or not the place that he was thinking of, you know there are so many other places we haven't been to since we've been married. I can't believe the place that he took me was prettier than Monterey. I've been to Monterey it's not a cheap place to go to, and staying only one night oh come on couldn't we have two? For one his parents didn't get home until Friday and Saturday was the best he could do. All he tells me is we have to get up early, make sure everything is done, I did ask are we coming back on Sun. I'm not sure? Your not sure? Can I have just a little hint, no sorry I'm not saying! This is going to be fun! The drive was pretty I will admit that and if I hadn't missed a sign on the way up a hill I would have known where I was going. I do a lot of reading when were driving it keeps me a wake it makes him sick, aha at least I'm not falling asleep, except for my legs they were getting a little tired of sitting for so long. We did stop for lunch to stretch and that was it the rest of the time was driving, and boy did that driving take a long time. While I was reading I missed a clue on to where I was going which was going up a hill, okay maybe reading wasn't such a good idea, when the landscape was just breath taking. Ferns growing along the road side the pine trees were really green and the sun was still shining, it was late afternoon by the time we reached our destination of course I did ask is this where we are going? Still not the answer I was looking for. "I'm not liberty to say at the moment or whatever it was he used"! It was down right bugging me! At least not to the point of you better tell or I'm not going, that wouldn't have worked he had too many people knew where we were headed. No matter what city or county I used it wasn't the place he was thinking of, So the guessing was over I had enough for one night. If he wasn't saying I wasn't pushing, I would find out soon enough.

As we left the kids with his parents which didn't go well with our youngest he had a meltdown before we could even start our trip. I felt really bad ended up breaking down after everything we have been through with him it wasn't a pretty picture for the start of a weekend away. As we drove and got on the highway, I'm very clueless as to where he's taken me, not to mention I almost hit the nail on the head the night before as we were getting our youngest to bed. One direction was too expensive the other the direction, wasn't even close to where we were going, so that left me little to go on. So I settle in luckily I carried a magazine and a book to read on this trip not mention a mind to somewhat relax which is what I'm needing and so does he, as we pass signs along the way I'm asking is that it? No I'm not liberty to say at the moment. How much longer do we have? I'm not telling, at this point we're getting a little hungry I left the house without breakfast I should have asked for some kind of snack bar before we left town. Who knows how long it will be, before we stop for lunch! We pass a restaurant on the way Sorry I'm not saying which one it was really good, I don't think we've really had a problem with the service as long as I can remember. It gets better, we rest stretch the legs a little before we start driving again. Now mind you I love to read, and since I have no one to bother me and Yelling moooom! So and so is doing this to me or he's hitting me again! it was really nice getting to catch up on my reading. So as the drive got higher in a different direction than the one's I was somewhat thinking of, the view from either side was awesome, the weather was not that bad.

As we got closer to a different town than the one's that were posted. The only one that actually came close to the one that I was thinking, of but couldn't remember the name of it, was actually the one closest to the ocean. I can't believe it! He made the arrangements of staying on a coastal beach lodge. The view was just beautiful. We unloaded the truck, got to our room which was on the top floor! I still couldn't get over the view. I'm more of the one on views rather than anything else, except the room gots to be really nice, I have been to a few that weren't so great. I won't mention which hotel that we've stayed at. I won't give CH a bad time about those, of cores he did try if looks could have killed I would have killed him on the spot! Of cores he was having fun keeping me in the dark, as long as it took him, to plan this weekend getaway.

As we stepped into the room there was a whirlpool in the room! And a private balcony. I was kind of thinking of that one post that I wrote last month, I can't believe he did this! He actually took all the o.t. for a one night stay at a lodge that had the same views as I had described. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, or do both, instead I walked out and stood there looking out to a beach that I only get to see every few years. I remember a view similar to this only that one was right after I had lost my mom we we're walking along and just stopped to look out I remember the feelings of sadness and I let my tears be swept away by the oceans waves, which I had left in Monterey. This time it was a little different I needed to feel a closeness of knowing that god would take care of everything that we were going through. I felt as if he knew what I needed, a day with no rain and the sun was so lovely, the walk was nice, the trail a little steep nothing that my ankles couldn't handle. And yes I did bring home some shells I wanted more, yet at the same time I just wanted to enjoy the peacefulness of what the ocean brings to me.

I can't even begin to imagine, what it's like not having this in another state. I like to hear the waves crashing against the shore line, to know it's fury and if I were to leave this all behind. I would just be crushed, the drive from where we live to where we went it's not that bad, if things weren't so tight, and if it was a different weekend I would have liked to have stayed a little longer. Maybe in a few months down the road, we'll do this again. Only the next time we will have to make a full weekend of this. We even came across some camp sites that aren't too far from the coast, I would love to take our boys camping this summer only two things that are keeping us from doing this one is the gas and the other money. I'm not giving up on camping this summer I don't care, except when there isn't a camp site availble then well just have to make the most of it.

I'm also working on a post that I have started last week just haven't had the chance to finish it. I wanted to let every one know that our weekend was a blast! I wouldn't change our room for anything else.