Just a thought

I was thinking about closing up shop, for a while. I felt that I have a lot to deal with and not really sure how I was suppose to handle it all, I have so many appointments to deal with along with my work which is very slow at the moment. I needed some time to think to breath and read some books that I haven't been able to get to. I love the blogs that I've read the people that I've met along the way, right now it's really hard to put all my energy into this. I've never thought that I would be able to post some of my best poses out there for everyone to see, which really opened me up a lot. Right now I feel that I need to be able to enjoy my most loved seasons of the year spring and summer, I don't know if I will be around the computer much even though I have a laptop. Which is suppose to be used for my clients and it's not, I need to start entering things in here for that. Right now I've got too many irons in the fire to really concentrate on my post or what to write and if you guys or gals want me to write a story that I've done a few weeks ago I really need some ideas. For now it's best to just leave for a little while, I know this my place to vent my frustrations and to say what is on my mind. One thing is true, I've let my peaceable side slip to the way side, I need that right now so I can fight a good fight with the teachers next week and my doctors appoint with my obgyn. If something out of the ordinary is found at that appoint I will post about it. In the meantime I wish each and every one of you good health and happiness that each of you will find a way back to where you were once happy and if you are in that place,I believe that is where you belong. I know I started this back in the fall and it's almost May. I'm sure this happens to everyone at some point, like I said I have a lot going on and I need to be able to be ready for whatever is thrown my way. I may be back soon, and I may not. I'm not taking my blog down, this my place to vent and to post comments on other sites that I love reading. Right now I need to read some books that have been neglected, one I started reading and others that are sitting in my closet collecting dust. I will leave you with this:
First keep peace within yourself, then you
can also bring peace to others.
Thomas A Kempis

A Very Belated Update

Yesterday was very bad, I lost my entire post that I was working so hard on. I didn't back it up like I was suppose to. Then I ended up spraining my ankle, the doc said I was pretty lucky for not breaking it, my bones look really healthy. No damage done thank god! I'm on a pair of crutches, ankle brace and a ace bandage just in case I need it. So far I'm doing pretty good, I'm still going into work today.
Okay enough of that are ready.

From my last weekends post, thankyou so much for the well wishes and the comments for my last weekends post. If you haven't had a chance to read it please do so, you must be 18 yrs to do so. I had a lot of fun writing it, if I have a chance I'll try to do another in a different setting; I just love the beach. ;)

As most of you know we have had some difficulty with our youngster, it didn't take long for someone other than a doctor to figure out what is wrong with him. Sam has autism/pdd he's on the moderate scale, we have three more appointments to go through. I even asked his teacher for another I.E.P meeting with the staff. Whether or not she does it's up to her. I'm hoping she comes through for us if not, I still have a letter from the psychologist.

How am I holding up after we found out what he has? I'm hanging in there. I'm happy, I can't believe it took a year to figure out what he has, I and CH cried, I've always known he was a special child. It's hard to think that all his out burst and the trouble he's having in learning, can lead to a misunderstood learning disability. I'm on the verge of happy tears, I know it will be a long road for all of us. At least we know what we are dealing with. We have several more appointments to go to a house visit from a regional center, which is a few months away, to me it doesn't help me for next year. So now we play the waiting game with the teachers any suggestions on getting teacher to corporate? Or should I just tell her Sam's got and see if that gets the ball rolling? I'm in a muddle of what to do.

As you can tell it's been an eventful week, If you've seen my Thursday's pic you would understand. I guess you can say it's been full of events that I wouldn't want to wish it on any one, It gets more interesting my sister tells me she doesn't want to go into the military, she's to scared and hates being told what to do. I can't take care of her she needs to figure what she wants to do with her life, I can't live it for her she needs to find what works for her. I'm trying to be supportive and when someone's says one thing and turns around says another, I'm ready to pull my hair out! I do love her, she's my sister but she needs to get a job and get her mind off of guys! Sheesh! I'm ready to scream!!

And then on top of that, my brother calls me and tells me they are moving back to Cali in July (I'll see it then I'll believe it) for good. Which I knew he would end up doing, I can't believe this!! What is it with siblings!?! I love them both dearly they aren't talking to one another my brother and sister. Me I'm playing monkey in the middle, can't they leave me out of it? So I've been there for both of them, supporting them with the sisterly love that they need. I just feel like moving out of state and not returning, I have family that lives two states away, I and CH have talked about it. With his job and benefits it's hard to do, and of course there's the job issue I could find a job easily not a problem, him on the other hand I'm sure he would have a tough time finding one. I love my family very much, when push comes to shove it's just hard to concentrate on anything.

So how? Long am I suppose to be on crutches? A freaken week! I still need a paycheck my note from the doc is sitting on the back seat of my suv, it's staying there, I'm not taking it to my boss. I've already explained to her that I've found a lump in my breast and have set an appointment to get it checked, the first week of May. Then it will take about couple of more appointments to figure out what the docs are going to do after that, I'm not looking forward to any of these appointments. All I want is for my body to be normal whatever that is without having to deal with all these lumps. I think I've written quite a bit and this post is so late getting up, when you have family and other obligations it's hard to find the time to post, I will try to post again. I'm not sure when? Maybe when I feel like venting. Take Care have a blessing of a week.

Late HNT

Happy HNT to me! sprained my ankle today. Oh joy! not something I'm thrilled about. What can you say? I'm not a happy camper! I can't believe this, really we need a vacation!

Rain, Rain Please go away!!

As you can tell, by the title it's still freaken raining. I would rather be fishing instead of being inside with our boys for the week, and the wind has been up today along with thunder and lightening I won't go out when it's like this. On top of that I feel very uneasy, I had to pay out another $115.00 to get my truck fixed again! Last night coming home from work my head lights were working until I pulled unto the high way on my way home, while pulling out of work I noticed a police officer had stopped someone so I also know the my d.l. expire this weekend (still not saying)when or what day. As I'm driving my headlights quit nothing I did would make them turn on, by this time I'm a little shaky I've never had this happen before, so I turn off the main road to go home on I called CH. Explained to him what was going on I felt really unsafe I know I'm not too far from home but still, being out there with no one around except a locked up suv. Of course I had a police officer come up behind me and asked if I needed help? I told her that my husband was on his way to help me get home, I wasn't about to move then have her give me a fix it ticket. I've been blessed not getting one of those. I've only had warnings, which is a good thing we can't afford any tickets right now and the way things are going I don't even want to think about this weekend, which has put me in a mood. Sure my sister is here for the two weeks but I can't seem to think that is any better, we've already had a little bit of a disagreement. On top of that I found another lump in left breast again! And no I'm not having it checked at the moment I'm going to let this one slid for a while and the place that I have located it is between two of my bloodvens not exactly a spot where I want one. I know that my estrogen level is up again, I will continue to work out eat healthy foods stay away from any thing that is not. If I find any discharge then I will go in, I haven't told my boss nor am I willing to lose what I've worked so hard in getting. I'm not willing to take any time off of work for this one, unless there is too much pain for me to handle. I'm keeping this one under wraps from my family and CH's I don't want any one to worry over me. It's more than likely another Fiberistic lump, if I get it checked out they will do another biopsy and another mammogram (which by the way hurts). I'm not sure what to do yet, as I was checking a few minutes ago I believe I found one underneath my breast I'll have CH take a look at it after I'm done, writing this post. Sure I feel sad there is nothing I can do. I work out, I do drink lots of water, I try to remember to have a glass of milk, I don't know what else to do. I have heard of soy tablets which helps regulate the body, as soon as I get a chance I will do some research on soy to see if it could help me. In the meantime I'm trying my best not to let this get to me. I want cry but I can't I want to say why me? I already know the answer, I'm not the first person to go through this. I'm not sure what we will do leave it or have removed again, whatever we decide to do it will have to require more time off of work and leaving me without a paycheck. Not exactly what I'm looking forward to, neither one of us has much vacation time. I'm one of those who hates laying in bed I need to be up running around with my head chopped off at times. It's three days before my birthday I'll be turning 31 over the weekend I'm hoping to post something other than what I'm writing right now. By the way today was the first day that we have seen the sun let me just say I would have loved to be outside today in a pair of shorts. I had two clients today so, I had to work. And my sister is here with us, so it's kind of fun having her here with me. We even talked about what she wants to do next year, she's very seriously thinking about joining the Army I'm hoping she does, she needs direction I can't give it to her, she needs to find it for herself. I'm all for it, I'm hoping she can. It would make life for her so much better, I can support her in this, rather than having her not working or trying to find love. Which she wants so badly, (Now guy's don't get any ideas). She's turning 26. And lives here in Cali. So I've taken up so much time as it is I need to finish dinner. Have a good weekend, by the way it's taken me three days to do this post.

HNT take II

Here's my second pic for HNT. I'm wearing one of CH's shirts, and nothing else. He's a big Raiders fan, I'm a Fourty Niner fan. Happy HNT!

The Birth Control Post

I should have CH write this post for me.
FTN has recently posted about the possibility of getting a vasectomy. That led to comments about other forms of birth control. Here is our story.

This one of those areas which I dislike writing about I can write about sex in a letter but to actually write it like this, well it's a little out of my league. So just bear with me on why I cannot take birth control pills and I still carry the scars that remind me everyday we were lucky. From the time that I and CH met we were having sex very often don't ask how often. I will say that it was frequent though. We knew we needed protection. So I went on the pill, I've read the inserts that came with each set of pills, that wouldn't help what would lie ahead for the both of us. I began taking Ortho Novum in Sept. 1993. I was given a 3 months supply from Planned Parenthood. I ran out in Dec. We continued to have sex and I got pregnant with Jr. in Jan. 1994. We found out on Feb. 1,1994 that I was pregnant when we went to the Dr. to get more birth control pills. A month later we got married, and CH joined the Army and was sent to basic training 11 days after the wedding.
Jr. was born in Sept. and I was put back on the pill. Feb. 13,1996. I found a lump in right breast. I was still taking the pills, as it was all we could use at the time. Neither one of us can stand to use a condom.
So in 1997 CH graduated from school and he got a job that had medical insurance. We went to several Dr. appointments to find out what the lump was. Finally we had a Dr. tell us that the lump needed to be removed. They were unable to determine what it was by doing a mammogram. So in Aug. of 1997 I went in for my first operation. They determined that the lump was not cancerous but was due to hormones. I continued to use the birth control pills.
Then about a year later another lump appeared. This time on my left breast. I went in for more mammograms and they told me that I needed to go in for another operation. After the second operation they determined that the lumps were being caused by the extra hormones that the birth control pills were putting into my system. So they told me to stop using the pills and to decide on another form of birth control. And we already knew that condoms were out of the question. We did use them on occasion. On most of those occasions they broke. Finally we decided on using a cervical cap. Unfortunately we were unable to find a Dr. that was specialized in prescibing them. So we ended up using a diaghram.
Now if any of you have ever used a diaghram or are currently using one you know that they can not be used alone. You must also use a spermacide. (I can't believe I am typing this. Blushing like mad!) In order to use the spermacide you are required to use a little bit of it around the edge of the diaghram to help make a seal. Then you also need to take an applicator that comes in the box with spermacide and apply one applicator full into the diaghram. Then you can insert the diaghram and commence in sexual relations.
That is where the other problems started to arise if you will. The whole process did not allow for a spontaneous romp. It also caused a problem for CH because when he was to ......um........ "go down" there he would get a bad taste and not do that anymore. He also could feel the diaghram during intercourse. So we only used it about 50-75 percent of the time. Closer to 50. The rest of the time we opted to just do our thing and then after we were done squeeze an application of spermacide inside of me.
Then in March of 1999 we found out I was pregnant again. That stirred up another set of emotions but that is not for this post. While I was pregnant we started to research different forms of birth control. We finally decided to use an IUD. INTRAUTERINE DEVICE. This was a great choice for us. We didn't have to worry about remembering to put anything in or on. It could not be felt, and the best part it was effective for 10 years.
Our youngest son was born in Oct. of 2000. Again I was put on birth control pills. I had to take the birth control pills for 6 months after the birth of our son so that my cervix could return to it's normal state. 3 months after restarting the pills another lump appeared on my right breast. This time we had to wait until I was done breast feeding to have the operation done. Another 3 months went by and I had the IUD inserted. The operation had to be put off for 2 years. So I had that operation done in 2002.
Then in Aug. of 2003 we found another lump in my left breast. That was a month after my mom passed away. This time the Dr. said that I have way to much estrogen running through my system. The Dr. also suggested that I have a breast reduction done. I'm a natural DD and they suggested I get a reduction down to a C. Before I had our two son's I was actually a size B, until my estrogen level went out of control to this day I still have problems. I will not take another birth control pill, my body can not handle the side effects that comes with too much estrogen. I can't even take prenatal pills my body rejects them.
so I had to go in for a 4th surgery. After that I went to all the appointments necessary to have the reduction done. All I had to do was make the date to get the operation done. But then I started school and put it on the back burner. CH still brings it up every now and then asking if I still want to get it done. I just don't want to take the time off of work to have it done. Plus I will need to stop doing massage while in recovery.
So for now we have used the IUD for 5 years. We have another 5 years to go before it needs to be removed and replaced. By then CH will most likely have had his vasectomy done and we will be done with birth control issues.
So there are our experiences with birth control and why we like what we use. We don't have to worry about remembering anything because it is all taken care of. We don't have to stop in the middle of having sex to put something in. Once things get started they don't need to stop for anything. (Well almost anything. The kids have a way of waking up or fighting once we are all revved up.)

I Should Wait On This Post

I had a good nights rest, prayed for those who are traveling safe and keep a cloak of wings surrounding my home. That seems to work every time, I will try my best to keep this short, CH did call this morning he didn't get off of work until 1:00 a.m. He put in a lot of hours since his arrival as I was watching the previews of the news last night, I could have sworn he was on one of the state plows. I stayed up and to see if they would show it again but they didn't, so of course that made me feel better knowing that he was with other plowers last night he saw spin outs and a jack knifed big rig. He calls me and says it's a good thing we didn't get the key to the cabin we would have been turned around at Strawberry and heading back here, He ended up separated from his group that he was with, which kind of put me on the edge. I hate that when he calls me and tells me that! He doesn't have any computer access hah! I knew he wouldn't. It just goes to show you that sometimes having a computer with you doesn't always mean you will be able to use it, so in the meantime I'm holding down the fort he owes me big time! I've hinted around gift cards for Walmart, since I really don't know what I really what for my birthday in two weeks he better be home by then! I'm not about to spend it with parents alone. Well that's it for now I need to get some stuff done. As much as I like writing it takes the edge off, I'm happy that I'm finding a way of doing it without feeling frustrated. And for dinner last night he had shrimp and mashed potatoes what a Brat mind you he's working in the snow for the state. Go figure! I've got to go.

This Should Be Fun

If any one has heard, CH left for the snow this morning and arrived there about 10:30 a.m. this morning. Sorry it's taken me a while to tell everyone, I really don't know how I'm feeling with him gone, I'm happy at least that's what I'm feeling I have the usual stuff to do the laundry, dishes, the regular stuff that I have do whether he is here or not. CH asked if he could go knowing the risks of his job I realize that his job requires, a good nights rest and training, I also know that he has been a several accidents that require his training if you call shutting down a highway and having people yell at you to reopen it. And he's telling them how to get around. As yeserday would have it he had called me they are calling people for the snow I said sure, hey we've down this road before no problem, he calls me again says he's not sure when he's coming home they're dealing with a tragic accident on the bridge the only bridge that crosses river going out of town toward Sacramento, I don't think people realize that he puts his life on the line. Basically I was getting him ready to go to the snow while he was still at work, the basic stuff like socks and jeans. I washed my suv and rainxed the windshield, got all the trash out back packs, the usual stuff kids will leave behind. By the time CH got home it was about 4:30p.m. I made dinner and he went to the store, realized I missed a meeting for Ricky for kinder next year great! now I will have to wait until August to meet any of the kinder teachers. Our evening together was not the way he wanted to leave, you know it's the best we could do short on notice for me. I know I'm leaving a lot of stuff out from yesterdays road closure I can't say what he saw, getting around town for us locals it's not so bad I pretty much know my way around for those who were not from here. Well they should have found another way instead of speeding down a resident's area, If I wasn't out in the cold washing my suv and watching and hearing what was coming around the corner a truck would have hit a child yesterday. To say the least, I'm just glad it's all over said and done I feel for the families that were involved whether or not they had families elsewhere my heart goes out to them. As for today, I'm feeling a knot in my stomach for some reason this doesn't usually happen when CH is gone for a weekend or working the night shift, for some reason today of all days it just won't go away. He has text me twice today I'm not sure if he will call I know the service is bad in the area where he's working. Lodging we got a break on they have a yard for those who work for the state to sleep and eat at, which will help us in the long run. He's got a camera with him I'm sure as soon as he gets back, and settled he will be sharing pictures. The part I don't like is I don't have much family around for me if I need something, his parents don't live too far. We just never have gotten a long very good, I can walk into a room and light it up, I can't say for his but it's so hard to call on them. His mom is so busy and I won't ask for anything from her. I love it when he's gone except for today, I would much rather be doing something together this weekend but then again we do need the money so I shouldn't be feeling this way. The kids are in good hands I have them we are safe from the storm that has been going on outside, so I'm hoping that this will soon go away. I hope that everyone has a good weekend, and maybe we will hear from CH he's got the laptop with him I don't know if he has enternet access. Fat chance of that happening; the poor guy Yea right!

Tom Boy At Heart

No you didn't just read it wrong it's so true, give me a fishing pole and some warms or any other fish bait I'm there! Except for blood warms and leeches sorry don't go for those! I've had my fair share of being hooked in the finger and lines broken, at least I'll find it fun. And yes I'm also a fan of football in the fall and baseball in the spring, how big? I was pregnant with Ricky and for my birthday I asked to go to a baseball game in Oakland took our oldest with us, CH's mom and grandmother took us it was a lot of fun Sam had never been to a baseball game he found it pretty cool to watch it live instead of at home. We rode bart to and from the game we had a good time too bad CH couldn't be there he was stuck working his dad was too, even though our team lost we still had a good time, the weather was just right not too hot and not too cold and being pregnant I can't remember how many months I was, I do recall a young lady offering her seat to me, and sitting for so long at a ball game I declined I needed to stretch my legs. I also like to watch Indy 500 love Danica Patrick I think that's how you spell her name; I've watched her announces the next up coming show on spike t.v. Yes I watch Spike t.v. my favorites are Trucks with Stacy don't ask me what his last name is they never show it. Then there is another that I like watching it's a team of a guy and gal they build rock crawlers together, I also love watching the Kentucky derby I just hope I'll be home to watch it this year, since I'm working every other weekend. I've had a few laughs at work about driving CH's truck at one time he had a pair of plastic pink balls hanging from underneath I tried to park as far away as possible so no one could see them. I wanted to dive under the cash register I was so embraced over them my co-worker said nice! I'm confused she said isn't that what I think it is? I said yes of cores it was all over I said that's not my truck!! Mine's the suv the blue thing that keeps giving us trouble CH had to take mine shopping one evening with the kids and since his doesn't have a camper shell or enough room for the kids, so he took mine. I have a hard time getting in I'm 5'6 and he's 5'10 now if your short you'll understand where I'm coming from his truck is lifted I mean lifted any more I'll need a step ladder to get in. I have one hand on the wheel and one on the door I'll jump in two feet at a time just to get in. Once in there is no way I can move the seat to reach stirring wheel I've had to drive it now and then when mine was in the shop and it's very uncomfortable it's an old truck not like the seats in mine or a newer one it'll do for what it's worth I find it funny driving it now and then. Not at all comfortable, then again it's his truck made for off roding not for show, there have been a few times I've had heads turn. Once at the stop light I had guy's blow kisses at me not at all cute older men! When I put too much oil episode with my truck I had a guy married and asked is that yours? I said no, it's my husband's mine is an suv I kind of made a mistake and I'm stuck driving his. His comment was you look good in it. Do you take it for what it's used for? Oh this truck oh no; It's my husbands mine is in the shop due out any day. Talk about getting picked up at gas station, I just wanted to get the hell out of there, park his and get mine back! LOL I couldn't believe it I'm not that good looking I mean being tall 12 average gal! You know this usually happens the other way around the gal would say nice ride to a guy, for me I've learned to live with it. Oh yes I've had several looks while driving mine too. I've got Duck Unlimited stickers on the back with one fishing tackle on it and Cali waterfowl on the side windows, most guy's have to look twice to see who is driving and my seat covers are waterfowl camo, they were CH's idea he thought I might like them along with some goose stickers for the side windows. I fell in love with them helped put the seat covers on after the kids went to bed; And the looks I get oh my gosh! I'll be sitting at a stop light or at the store some have questioned me is that yours with the decals on the windows? I said yes. My husband takes our oldest out on some weekends our youngster is wanting to go out with both of them, we'll see maybe next fall depends on the weather this year the birds sucked I'm mean each weekend he would come home with three to four this year hardly any and the one's he did get I made stir fry out of the duck or goose meat which ever I grabbed out of the freezer. It's also really good bar-be-qued, he needs to find a way from keeping the meat from going dry while it's on the bar-be-que. And if CH is working late I'll bar-b-que at times of and yes I've had dinner burn, it's not pretty! I'll through a fit tell CH I'm sorry basically on the edge of crying. He'll be busy doing something and forget or I'll get busy and then remember and sometimes I'll see it smocking and run out there and check on the meat. It's all in good fun, no complaints from either of us in that area. And since both of us have our fishing tags we'll be hitting the water as soon as the weather starts getting better found a few spots yesterday while out not too far from home just got make sure we get there early, there's usually a few cars parked along side the place, it'll be great for a picnic. I'm hoping that we'll spending some weekends up north when I don't have massages and going to a lake that has pretty drive I'll take pics and show you all. I'll wash my own truck CH tried to take it through the mud yesterday I asked are yah washing it he just looked me well it's still dirty I've got to clean it out, and wash it. And rain due in again tonight. I'm ready for some warmer weather but a gradual warmup first not too hot not too cold just as long as I can open some windows to let a breeze in. I'm hoping that you all have a good week and I'll find some more tom boy tales for you to enjoy.

My Dearest Child

My dearest child how I long for the day that
you will not be sent home from school.
How I long for the day you will say mom I'm
sorry for saying I hate you.
How I long to be able not to worry when your
at school that there will be help for you, I pray
for good things to come our way. For one day you
will not have to take awful medinces that someday
this problem will end. I pray that god will lead you in
all things good, this path is so hard and tiring I
feel that peace is far yet close in my heart.
My dearest child god has you in his loving hands each
day, I pray earestly for him to guide you during your time
away from home. To keep you safe and to listen to your teachers
to no avail you have been sent home again.
Lord please take care of our dearest child he is a handful
at times yet, I know you will be there to guide each child of his
own will to be good. In your name I pray Amen.

Not what I had in mind to write today, was bad I had to cancel my first massage appoint. to pick Ricky up from school.

My own Take on Massage Therapy

The last two days have been very intersting to read and *BLUSH* over. I can't get mad over things being said and done. It's part of who I am, I'll hide my disappointment in many different ways, one I'll play one of my favorite music artist I believe she was second on my music list. Or I'll find something else to do, I'm pretty much a person with lots of love and kindness for another person, it's the way I've always been. I'm in no way going to bash Dh, he's been through a lot. One of the most annoying things that MT's will do, I'm no way saying this to hurt anyone who goes and gets massages and I'm not about to down grade myself of doing something like what Dh went to. I'm not the type; I'm very honest about my work I carry my own insurance, table, sheets, creams, music and radio, I've had three clients that have provided me with the music which is cool less stuff for me to worry about. My table alone would cost $600.00 if I didn't go to the school that I had choosen I would have to pay more. I'm not about to have my own husband touch me when I'm doing a massage! Yes he did try to touch me when I had him on my table, he felt the coldness come right back he asked where did I go? My hands hold a very empowering energy, they get very hot very fast it's like holding a lamp between my hands. It's very hard to explain why my hands get so red and tingle at times, I've had it explained to me once when I was in school. As an M.T. I feel blessed that I'm different sure my job can be annoying at times then again what job isn't? Sure I could have done a job in clerical for a company or firm, I didn't feel it as something I really wanted. Most of my family are either nurses or stay at home mom's, me on the other hand wanted to do something totally differnt so my path was lead to Massage Therapy I'm glad I did it. Sure the classes where hard, the nights seemed long, and I hardly spent much time doing much except for homework. My schooling was a way of finding who I was. And what I wanted to do, the experince was breath taking, being in a class of twenty, and most of them were going to school because their parents had enough of them doing nothing. Some like the group of four just wanted to learn and have a feel of what we really meant to do in life. The three days that I went it was a new beginning leaving the old behind to, live and breath as there was no one else in the room just you and the client not realizing you just transformed your hands into releaving pain in someone else's tight muscles. I would have never thought that I would come to realize that there was more to life than just working at a grocery store bagging all the time or being a cashier for the rest of your life sorry. I didn't want to be that kind of person, I've seen what it does to a person it's not pretty. The headechs, attitudes are out ragouse at times. And it seem that my spirit was breaking in differnt areas, I needed to find peace and find myself and where I belonged. If it weren't for massage school I don't know where I would be I'm sure wouldn't be happy as I am right now sure my hours at times can be a pain in the neck. Sure some will call to cancel becuase they aren't feeling well. At least I'm not like my former co-workers in doing something they think that's all that is left for them to do. As I have said in a prevouse post about Massage Therapy the job choose me I didn't chose it, Have I ever question why? this place of work or why? at times do I feel as if I'm not getting enough clients to keep me busy every day that I'm suppose to work. Everytime I thought about going in to do some chair massages I have ended up with massages for the day or for a few days. Not that I don't mind at least promotig myself has worked. We had a health expo for the public there wasn't a real big turn out because there were a few misunderstandings which happens when your new to working out with retired folks. At least I had a good time, passing out brouchers and my buisness cards to those who didn't know or they just didn't read their monthly news letter that they get every month. It's going to take a while I understand that being a massage therapist yes I'll come up against roadblocks or issues such as the one's that DH had done. Do I really care what anyone else thinks or says about the proffession HELL NO! I forgive him for what he had done, I will not hold it against him. It's part of life we live and we learn from our mistakes we take everything someone else will say with a grain of salt. And that is what I have done. There is no way that I'm taking it personally, that wouldn't be fair and as far as I'm concered I'm willing to take any state exam to prove my rights as an L.C.M.T. As CH has said I will not be in the same room with him while someone is working on both of us. Sorry it doesn't work for me, I would feel very uncomfrotable with him in the same room while getting a massage.


As it turns out blogger lost half my post this morning and I've got two kids home one's got a bad cold and the other well it's his day off from school. So I'm just going post on what I have here. And I've been working on this off and on since I've read every post who have had their fair share of talking about the rights and wrongs of massage. I can only talk about the postitive side of Massage, there is no way that I'm willing to go against my eithics that I learned in school, hopefully this will end all the confusion if you want more of what I have to say. You'll have to leave your comments and I will respond it may take a while but I will get to them.
Let there be blessings to those who stop by and may each of you take the time and breath.

Lord I can't take much more.

Basically this post should read Jesus Take The Wheel! Because I can't handle much more. I'm at a loss my day has been spent taking care of clients which is part of my job that I really come to love except... When your trying to get through the security gate and there's about two other cars in front of you and your looking at the time knowing your ten minutes early so you can at least beat the client to the bay ( it's another word for room) it's more polite than calling it something else I can't think of the other word at the top of my head; I'm tired and still fusterated over today's events to even know if it's even worth typing tonight. Ricky had another bout of throwing one of his tempers today usually it's just the two of us at home until a client comes in and needs a massage. Today of all days the weather was still pretty awful and if any one has been watching yes we got pounded again! That's just Cali for yah! We're not all sunshine and happy we get miserable weather just like everyone else...But anyways I took Ricky to the babysitter he didn't do too well I've ended up finding him a new sitter again and calling his doctor again to see what we can do...I'm to the point of needing a freaken punching bag!! Sarah calls me today (not her real name) she's another angle of mine I don't speak of her much she has two kids that have learning disabilities just like I and Ch. She lives on the other side of the bridge. I haven't heard from her in a long time. The last time I saw her was back in January of this year when I had to get Ricky his first dosage, she calls me today for the first time in months we talked for a while she left a message on my voice mail to call as soon as I got her message I call her, she tells me she pulled a muscle in her lower back tells me what the docs. Have done for her put her on muscle relaxers and motrine. As she explains to me how she is feeling where she is hurting, she asks what do you think? I told her you've pulled the sciatica. Do not wait a week to two weeks to see any one that can deal with this as you will read on it gets worse....How in the hell did you do it I asked she said she had taken a real bad fall at work and is on disability, until she and the doctors can figure out what do next. She's not the only one working her husband had foot surgery back in November, December of last year so I know things have been pretty rough for them. I told her that evenings are the best time to get me, right now I've had a pretty full work week between two or three clients during the day. Hardly any time to say I'll drop everything and be right there. Why is it that the one's that are in pain will wait until it gets so bad that they will finally see someone about it? I know I've done it a few time learned my lesson from it but still this is no joking matter if you got something wrong and you know of a good Certified Massage Therapist or know of a good school use it don't wait because it can get worse. She hasn't called me back with an answer yet; I'll call her tomorrow to see what she will do. I've pulled my sciatica it's painful from my lower back into my foot and up my arm, took me forever to walk and to feel no pain. At the time Ricky was about three to six weeks old. He could've been a little older than that... I know is I was in constant pain walking seem to help, at times I just wanted to scream it hurt so bad. My work has taken a strong side at the moment which is good I feel that I need to remember that being able to take breaks from the day's event is helpful. At times like today I feel at a lost our son had acted up today and it's not been the first time and then having to find someone else, which I did my neighbor one house down from us. Like most prayers that seem not get answered this one got answered in a timely matter we needed someone who knows us and our son of course she said she would just let her know when. As of Monday night I've volunteered to hit up the promotions for massage at my work, it's either going to be a lot of computer work, reading or driving back to the school where I graduated from that's why they are there to help us out when we run into projects like this so many prayers that I don't mess this up. I can't believe I did this! So hopefully no more out takes or mishaps I need and want one good year! That's all I'm asking. This post has taken me two days to write I wonder why? Between home work and clients take up much of my time forgot to mention the house work as well. I'm off to doing the laundry and getting Ricky from school. If any one has some ideas for massage just make sure it's in the guidelines of presentable I can't have any that can't work. We've already done a couples massage for Febuary I know Mothers day is a big one I just have to figure out the prices and go from there. I've said enough for the last two days there is a lot to do and not much time early out is today I dislike those days!
We may have good, and bad days
yet, there are angles among us
watching over us.

An update

I took this off of my comment board, Sometimes we don't always have time to go back and read what someone else had written and sometimes comments are made throughout the day when someone is has already done the reading. This was left by CH and I thought this would give everyone an insight to what we're dealing with.

I talked to a coworker today who has a grandchild that was in the same school as our oldest son. He is Autistic. Well his teacher was fired after they transfered him to another school. She would grab the boy and shake him. They would call him stupid in front of the students, and pick on him in the classroom. These were TEACHERS doing this not students.
The teacher was fired and now they are investigating the aid. The parents are also sueing the school. They are actualy a big reason as to why the schools are being investigated by the state. Hopefully this will help everyone that is involved.
CH

The weird part about this is the week before I just came out and said I want to move and I want to move now! I've been contemplating this for a while he even brought it to my attention the only reason why I'm staying in this state is because of my godmother you know for once he is right. I don't want to leave because of her, I want to be close by when something does happen I don't want to deal with different states rules of working and how long you have to take bereavement leave. There is also the house we have to live in it for five years before we can sell, then there is the state job of his the medical is a big concern on his part as well as mine. I feel the longer we wait, I'm afraid that our boys will get farther and farther behind in school. Our oldest is no longer reading, this concerns me very much. I even put in a call to his teacher from last year who might be Ricky's (not his real name) teacher for next year. I know Jared (not his real name) hates going to summer school what else am I suppose to do this is the only two options that we have. I'm also praying that the Lord will show what is best for my family I don't want it to be my wants that is very bad it doesn't always have good results. I've truly seen gods hands in the things I've done he has given me a job that I love with the help of my mother I believe she had a hand in it too. Sure it could pick up very quickly which it is doing slowly but surely; I even filled out a state application for CH only because my handwriting is better than his more readable, go figure knowing my luck he will either get it or not. I'm praying he'll get it maybe then we can afford the help for both boys if not it'll be back to square one again! I'm leaving everything in the Lords hands I'm hoping that CH will realize that he cannot worry over his job it's being dealt with. Every time we get in a fight over my job something good starts happening, it goes to show how much faith that I have and hopefully more good things on the way that way so we can get the extra help for our boys. I have a few more posts that I'm working on. Have a good week and hopefully no more wild weather snow hit the Elderado hills up above Sac today. 18 inchs more in Lake Tahoe wish I was there. :)

Had a Meeting tonight.

I'll have to back up just a wee bit here, last Monday our d's brought home notices from school, letting us know there will be an Parent or Guardian input meeting. Wanting our input about I.E.P's and how's it been since school has started whether or not it's been helpful, or needs improvements. It was a split right down the middle some say it was good, bad and new to having a child in the I.E.P program for those who were new they got a rude wake up call. You can't just sit there and these teachers walk all over you. You have to take stand for what is right and fight for little bit of help! I've been doing I.E.P's since our oldest was in pre-k, and still fighting for the help he needs in reading, math, and speech to say the least we are so low on the funds for the speech therapist no one is willing to come this far for the pay. In the meantime we do have a therapist for the school year whether or not we have one for next year we will have to wait and see, so as the meeting got under way there was only one teacher there as much as I would have every inch of me say what I thought of our ds#2 pre-school there were also some that think she is a good teacher. The only reason why she was there because she has kid's who are needing help through I.E.P's Oh that's right she's the who said our ds#2 needs extra help and what the hell! By this time I was not in a good mood I let them all know up front. It doesn't matter what grade your child is in that I.E.P needs to be followed, it doesn't matter who the teacher was from last year those goals are meant to be followed and not tossed away like yesterday's mail. Many of us were there to express just that, one parent said her child hasn't had the help she's needed since the fourth grade entering high school next fall, another said the teacher gets up on her desk and yells at the students our ds#1 is in her class makes me think should I go visit his class? Any takes? One the rules to I.E.P's is when it is in writing it should be followed our ds#1 hasn't had the help he needs in reading at all this year. I stated that it takes me over ten min. To start homework with him takes me over two hours just to do one page of homework and it has to be in cursive every bit of it, no exception to the rule he has a lower motor skill in writing it's in the I.E.P his teacher also didn't do the reading asesments that were sent to his teacher to do this year another goal setback. Can it get worse? I'm hoping not! As the meeting wore on, some who were new had no idea that the teachers will write the goals and not follow them at all they will say one thing and turn around and skip the whole I.E.P setup. Come to find out the reports were being made right then and there and being sent to School board in Sac. Sometime this week so if we had further things you had better have it out either tonight or in the next week because no one is getting off the hook so easily. I may have a few teachers backs to the walls in the next few months if they have to go in front of the school board, another thing that brought up is why do teachers have to say one thing, and do another it's unfair for any child to be left behind in the school system. Others will say let the teachers handle it! Wrong answer mine is you better be on those teachers like water to a ducks back or you'll be the saying, where the hell did I go wrong!?! Most of us there tonight know how the system works you either start fighting now or end up were most of us are right now. Having the school board walking in with pink slips, I know bad picture when you have to fight like mad and you sit in an I.E.P meeting and having your child's teacher tell you we are not going to use any of the goals sent over here from the previous teacher and your sitting there half yelling at them because they feel they don't have to. All of us there tonight, did bring our concerns front and center and each one was addressed, there were a few things that pissed me off today I get the mail what do you think I found? A speech report the first in three freaken years! It's about damn time someone finally sent me one of those to me. As for other reports such as reading, math haven't seen one of those since last year! Oh by the way report cards are due out shortly three months left of school, I smell a rat somewhere! As for our younger son's teacher she was there tonight the only teacher in the room full of mom's that were pissed off and she had some nerve of showing up only because her child is an I.E.P student so makes you wonder what the hell is really going on! To me this school district is some hot water over not providing for their students. Or someone has finally came forward and called the districts office of special education. Whatever the case may be they've got my support in dealing with the staff, at the elementary and high school. It's getting late I've been up since 6:20 a.m. I've got to get up early tomorrow I've got a client that needs a massage; Right now I just need well wishes and nothing more. Please have a good weekend I'm working on a different post for next week this was nagging to get posted.

Once again Tagged!!

I was tagged by my husband here. List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Big Blue Notes - Toby Keith

2. She Didn't Have Time - Terrie Clark

3. Jesus Take The Wheel - Carrie Underwood

4. Your Gonna Be - Reba McEntire

5. I Believe - Brooks N Dunn

6. When It Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts

7. You Are - Sonicflood

And now 7 people
I can only come up with two other people that hasn't been hit yet.

1. Dh you have been tagged! lets see if he will respond to this one ;)

2. catchup0272

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Well the rest have already been tagged by my husband confused.
Sorry this has taken a little longer than expected.
Now I must leave.

HNT Virgin!

Here's my tribute to hnt. A little something that rarely gets shown only to close friends and yes my family knows about it. I've had it for about ten years had to take it out during my last months of my pregnancy with my second child. For those of you who need a little bit of heaven. And no my work has no clue about it which is a good thing they don't allow this kind of stuff as long as I keep it hidden I shouldn't have any problems then again I can always take it out and put it back in at the end of the day. ;)

I Lost My Temper...

What do you say when you've been pushed, and been told your child should be in school and it's been four damn months and no one has done a damn thing except tell you that your child needs meds. Yesterday I called up early afternoon requesting and damn fucking meeting so our child can have more schooling than just staying home two out three days. (oh by the way sorry for the foul mouth). back to the meeting I had requested an emergancy meeting with all teachers including next years principle at the school were our oldest had attened whether or not he goes there depends if they screw up too. I had asked for this meeting because she got mad at me for not being able to pick him while throwing a tempertantrum at the time I was at work, they don't have my work number just for this reason. I've done what they wanted he's on meds for crying out loud!! What more do they want from me! They're the ones who should be dealing with things like this and further more their is no one able to pick him up, except for those on the release form if I'm not able to then they go down the list. I told her exactly what she had told me back in Nove. they said they would see about him going to school the whole week well it's not happen in an informal meeting with an o.t. she said he isn't ready for half day school what the hell! you expect our son to stay home the two days when he needs the extra help!! Yesterday I had enough!! told her if she didn't come through with my request and soon our son will be pulled out of school and I will find a way of home schooling him until school starts in the fall she said please reconsider. Reconcider over my madness hell no!! she saids I understand your upset, and not thinking clearly, oh I'm not well for your information your the one who wanted him on fucking meds your the one who saids he needs more help so you either come through for me or I'll find a way of shutting down that school of course I didn't say that wanted to but I think I would have gone too far. And I'm the one who has to deal with giving the meds without getting him mad and saying I Hate You! Why do you have to be so mean to me (Crying)! I hold, hug, and pray for him and I cry as well. Just about that time Ch is walking through the door he looks at me and points to the time, we had talked and I had said I had a client coming in a 4:00p.m. he said your going to be late. I finally had to tell our son's teacher I have to go I have a client that I have coming in and I have to be at work before 4:50p.m. Oh he heard me going off on our son's teacher he just looked at me and didn't say a word.. He knew how fed up I've been with our son's school and the staff that is there, I don't think he could blame me for being pissed off. Yea Yea I know the saying better being pissed off than pissed on! I did try not show my anger if front of the boys, I had to ask my oldest if he had home work to at least start it until I could help him with his vocabulary which is hard for him he has to write in handwriting, it's not easy for him he's learning though. I did explain to our son's teacher that I have a doctors appointment in South Sac. on the fifth of April and I would like to take new I.E.P reports to him, instead he is going to be seeing one's from when school had started back in Novemember and the report that was done by the o.t. In the meantime I've felt let down by our son's school and staff, I know what most of you are thinking I need a support group and soon for this kind of trouble with other parents that have been through same stuff as what we are going through as soon as I'm done here I'll be calling our counclers in South Sac. and see if I could talk with her this morning. I'm sorry I'm usually a very calm, peaceful person who dosen't couse at all I do appologize for the foul mouth. I sincerly hope that all of you will see I didn't use a foul mouth on her; I was praying for those words to stay away until I was done on the phone and the drive to my work I was listening to christian music somehow that seems to make me feel so much better. As I was getting out of my truck I could feel god's closeness and knowing that we have a long road ahead of us, And may it lead in the right direcetion for all of us. Plaese for those who have fought for a better education and are in the education system my prayers are with you every step of the way. Blessings to all of you that come by today and in the next few days. S.R.

When it rains Part II

As I finished posting last night, and had a good nights rest which was well needed I found, That there are times when things you get things all in order then again something always is amiss. Well that happen today I pulled into Ch's work as you know is just about five minutes from our house we had a big misunderstanding at my work yesterday and I won't go into much of what happen I'm still praying that I still have a job. All in all they didn't tell me about the third appointment and I came in a little speeding so I know that I'm in hot water. Please pray that I'm not, but anyways that was yesterday and today is a bright and new day and it's beautiful outside I'll open my drapes and let the lord do his job! It's been about three or four days that I've been hearing squeaking in the brakes had Ch look at the fluid it's fine I'm not still not convinced about the noise and it's been getting worse so I pulled over to the garage they have there on site and said take it to the muffler shop he didn't have to drive it far and said, you need new brakes and whatever else that needs to go with them oh great! Ch needs a timing chain I'm praying he can still get it. I'm truly convicted that there is an angle riding around in my suv! So in the mean time can any one explain why now? I mean things are going good a job that I love except Ch is fed up with and I'm hanging in there, with it and there is so much that I want to do and can't because the funds are not there. At least I know there is sunshine outside until Sunday, it's suppose to rain, we haven't had any except for frost on the ground low 30s each morning and fog this morning. So on that note I better go I've been on this thing more than I wanted so everyone that comes by have a very good weekend.

When it rains it pours

It's been a very busy emontional week, one that seems to be setting it's self on different families and bloggers a like. Mine has been full of fighting to see our son's doctor and with Ch's help we did just that, yesterday we finally got him in at 4:30p.m. of course I was late getting there due to another case our older Ds with a hurting back and he has Scoliosis, on his right side. Talk about painful he is also very weak in his upper arm area on both sides luckily I keep weights around just in case one of the kids decides to use them, is there a cure? No there is none just a few visits to the chiropractor he wants to see our little one next time I come into his office next week so our LDS will be going with us. The only thing that I can do for him is gentle massage on his back to keep the pain to a very low 1 and not a high #5 tonight was not a good night for him or his brother. Our DS#2 has been waking up between the hours of 12:00 to 3:15 a.m. not good, right now I'm very tired haven't gotten much sleep the last two nights. I'm praying that he can sleep through the night, praying as I'm typing this he will; As for me I'm doing okay for the most part there is no use crying over spilled milk. You just have to find peace and hope that everything turns out for the best, I did have my neck and upper back popped which felt really good. To me it's just another phase that we're going, we all have our ups and downs I was just hoping for a little more sunshine, what mom or dad wouldn't want that? I also found out some pretty interesting stuff talking to Ch's dad last night at their new house, him and his sister had adhd when they were little they didn't have the type of meds that they do now what they had to do was buy all kinds of natural foods for them to eat. And very little to almost no candy with red 40 in it, so some of my answers were solved it is passed on from parent to child my only question is how long do we keep him on meds and will he grow out of it? We have two more months to see Doctor#2 in South Sac. In the meantime he has 90 days of meds which will get us through until May 17th. So on that note it is good to know that I'm not alone in this particular area of medical knowledge, I really need to find sometime to read the good book and one that I've started and only on chapter 5. When your doing so many things at once you get carried away with the little things in life. So on that note I will bid everyone good night and hopefully I can post a little of my medical history a tad bit later. Hopefully everyone has a good weekend and thank goodness the weekend is almost here! :)

"Kitty don't eat the flowers"!

Yes my cat decided she needed a snack after we go got home from shopping, I found her on the coffee table nibbling at the leaves, then she proceeds to spit it out onto the floor. Oh great! Well at least she didn't get sick which was a good thing. As for the Vday gift we got it sized while out shopping so it will be back in about 6 to 7 working days. With that taken care of, I think or I could be wrong I've read a few comments on Ch's blog and the reason why I didn't want another ring this is going to painful I'm going to warn Ch about reading this post. It will tear him up inside as I've already done that on Vday, three years after we were married I don't remember what set his temper off I remember wearing my ring I was either cleaning or going somewhere with him, he starts yelling at me I look down at my finger all I could think of was is this part of being married. Being critized and being controlled? For everything that I've tried to do. At the time I was working between five to seven days straight without a day off, There were times when I didn't want to wear my ring there were times when I wanted to throw it at him and tell him to find another! I wasn't putting up with it. When you have a child it's bad enough that he or she will look at you and say I'm sorry sure I got a few sorries in between but it didn't make the hurt or the anger go away. I wanted so much to have him stop at the time I didn't know how I was growing but not in a spiritual way I wasn't able to attend church at the time I felt that I lost myself to his controlling ways no one knew what I was going through somehow I managed to hide it of course you can hide so much. Yes my ex-coworkers caught on there was nothing they could do, no one was there except for a few angles, I've always been told that I was lucky to live some women don't. The Lord has bigger plans for me, you know I believe that to be true, I won't deny my faith and what I've been through with Ch it hasn't been pretty. Yes he tells me every day that I love you, at times when the yelling and the pain that I was going through I wished I was not living that god would just take me away, or a least make me a stronger woman than I was so I could at least be more willing to stop my old ways. After receiving the new ring I felt myself going back to a past I don't want nothing to do with, I don't want the control back I don't want him to get mad when things with my work get a little crazy, I don't want him to critise me in front of his parents or any of his family members. He's been there done that. The things I have done was found peace for me, the hurt that he caused was not a good thing, he knows that; At least I know I have a mentor that I can turn to does she know about the ring? No neither one of my mentors knows about it I will see one at church tomorrow the other I will talk to sometime on Monday. There is so much that the two of us have been through I will have to post another; How bad could it get? Lets just say I still carry the scares from resent surgeries they have healed and The Lord willing we're all praying that they will not return.
I've written too much and I have a few more loads of laundry to do and the kids are out playing.