Happy HNT!!

Before



After


I recently went back to see my plastic surgeon, he said every thing looks good there is still a mass in my left breast. We are going to leave it alone for the time being. We are not going in for another surgery, I have been massaging my breast which has helped. There is no need for surgery unless there is an absolute need for it, I'm very happy with the results, there is no scar tissue that is noticeable. He didn't want to go any smaller than a 36D because of my body size, at least they are smaller than what they were.

I Have Finally Found Me!!

After two years of blood, sweat and tears. It's time for another change for this here blog. Even though we are dealing with a child who has so many issues. I'm pretty much given up on the Why am I writing this? Because some one close to me hurt me and I'm finding my way back to me again. I figure it's about time I change it; to me it feels like that happen four years ago, in reality it happened two years ago. How time does fly by when your having fun. We've had some bad days and more of the good days. Neither one of us posted about what was causing an upset in our home we, figured we would work it out by ourselves. And that is exactly what we have done, and no I'm not done blogging There is so many posts that I really want to do. Whether they are emotional or funny like the post that I just finished yesterday; I'm still not telling you what I've got. It's part of my joy that I received two weekends ago. For me this my way of saying Thank you Lord, for every thing you have given me.

Through all the think and thin, we have come along way. Even as we are dealing with a child who has bipolar which is a hard case, we are relearning how to help C, with every day tasks, for most if not all of us it's easy for him it's not so easy. We are having in home visits from a program called Advanced Kids, she comes twice a week to set up plans and shows us how to handle C, when he's in one of his crises. It may look easy, trying to use just enough pressure and waiting for C to calm down, that's the hard part of getting him to calm down. There are no pictures for this new learning intervention. It does work, we have placed rules and a different type of reward system in our little home. So far it's working, we are pretty much taking everything that we are learning in stride.

July 9, 07
In this part of my post I'm going to let you all in my work, most of you know that I'm a C.M.T. which is not an easy job, you are not allowed to get too close to your clients, and sometimes it can not be helped. Today was one that I will not forget, one of my clients cancelled her membership she is dying of cancer, I have worked with her since she first came to us back in late March, early April she looked good she explained to me that she was fighting for her life, cancer was not going to take it. Both her and her husband always gets massages at the same time but in different rooms today for the first time, in a month that I've seen them, Alissa (not her real name), looks so fragile the fight is gone, her lovely silver gray hair there was none. She wore a lovely flower head cover, as I was working on her I took notice of how her skin took in the lotion, how her right arm was so thin, her left arm was swollen here she lays on my table enjoying her massage. The hardest part was when I had to turn her over from her stomach to her back, it took both I and her husband's m.t. went to get another pillow for her head, she looked into my eyes and said she was taken off all chemo treatments the cancer has spread to the left side of her stomach and this was going to be her last and final massage. As hard as I tried to hold back those tears of sadness, there was no way of hiding them. As I held the door open for both of them, he said to me thank you, she really enjoyed you giving her those massages.

She had told me two months ago that every thing seemed to be fine. Her cancer was in remission, I asked her husband of 35 yrs, so is the cancer gone? He said we'll see she's a fighter loves to travel, was a Captain in the Air Force in her early years. Today she is wheel chaired bound, I knew that massage was what she needed; I've worked on so many that are up there in age not sure if they would return to me. Some who were much younger than she, some who fought breast cancer and won, with a price of loosing a breast. Yet here they were receiving a wonderful gift that is not cheap. She was my client, a person that took my work and made it special moments, she made me laugh during our first session, she also loved my work she never had anyone take the time in letting her steal a nap while she was being worked on. After her first massage with me she said that was a real good massage you had me sleeping, I hope that didn't bother you? I said no you didn't you must have needed that. We thanked each other, she held my hand and told me I had a wonderful gift of massage.

Many times through out these last few months, I've either came across the survivors that are left to sort out the houses or apartments that they had left behind. I asked a question such as how was your weekend? Not even a second thought I would have one say I lost someone over the weekend, once they tell me that what use to be a knot was no longer present. They would ask how did I do that? Take a personal issue and make it go away, just for that hour. I've learned from the beginning to be in tuned with your client make them feel, as if they are drifting off the table make this their time. And sometimes not really knowing if they will return after all they ask how long should I go without getting a massage? Depends on your body, and if you want to continue with knots in your shoulders, or have your back hurting months at a time. It depends on you, every two weeks is better than going without for two or three months at a time.

I had two of my collages tell me, they would have done the same thing break down and cry. You gave her what she needed most, a massage that helped her relax you gave a cancer patient something that no one else could do, to give her what she needed most a good relaxing massage. She rarely sees anyone else at the clinic that I work at, I think she's seen one other m.t. but she always requested me, to work on her. I will miss her spunk, the talks that we had, and the smiles that made me feel that it was okay to share.

And yes I have found me, she's a gifted massage therapist, a mother of two boys, a wife to an active lead worker for Cal-Trans, a sister of two siblings. And a friend for those who need some one to lean on. And a believer that all things are passable through Christ who saves us.

The Heart Beat of America is today's .........

With that title in mind if you can't guess the new suv, that I got two weekends ago. You are so totally not getting what I got. Another hint it's an 05 atohe there you have it and yes I'm totally happy over this, my first new car! I've never had one, always wanted to know what it feels like to have bought something with very little miles on it. I mean we looked at several and this one had the least miles on it, shipped here out of Texas a client wanted to see it, turned around and left it on the lot. It's got a few scratches nothing too bad a dent in the front bumper. Other than that the body and interior is in great condition. I love it! Can't you tell! I'm so happy, and it's all mine! I've had so much fun showing it off, actually Ch's uncle and grandmother sat in it over the weekend, the complements on such a nice vrlocehet. (that's for those who can't get the title). Sorry no more hints.

The other thing that happened this past week that put Ch in a rough spot, C bit me on the thump I was trying to give him his med, while he was in a temper and he turned around and bit me so hard, he broke the skin. I had to receive a shot on Friday afternoon before going on our camping trip for the weekend. We even gave him his bike back since he was being really good, we thought he earned since he's been good. That was a mistake C took off from me again, while I was trying to eat dinner. J went after C, J called his dad from work if it weren't for his dad looking out his work window C would have been picked up by the police a second time. Not something either one of us would have wanted, it's been touch and go ever since. I called up Advanced Kids that we have set up for home visits she is going to give us a lot of stuff for us to use with C. We are praying this works, it had worked in school once so we are hoping for more positive behaviors rather than the negative behaviors. It's going to take a lot of work, from all of us we know he can do it, in order for it to work it's going to take a lot of help from everyone. I'm not willing to give up and neither is CH. We are going to help C as much as possible.

We also have found a new school for C, they provide the transportation, breakfast, lunch and snakes as the kids feel they need something to eat. They are going on their summer session starting on July 11Th, we are really excited for him in going they have lots of activities set up for the students, they even take the students to the beach, water slides, fishing and swimming. They also have school work they have to do. Not as intense as their fall session but enough for them to learn. C was really excited about going there. He wanted to know if he could start the following day? We told him that he won't be able to since this was their last week in school, he was fine with that. No complaints from me, they're staff is more trained in dealing with kids like C. Their goal is to get their students back into their home school, it's easier said than done, it will take some time on C's part since we've got lots of appointments, we are also looking into sending C to S.F. for a program that Kaiser has, we are not sure when this will take place.

Other than getting C the help that he needs, we are doing better. Today and tomorrow I'm off of work, took a much, much, needed vacation from all the hell I've been through. Ch is off too for the first time in months, we both have been working so much lately and with both boys being on summer vacation, well actually C will be starting school next week, we have this week to be with C. We even had our first visit to the doc's I've come down with a sinus infection my first this year, haven't been sick since my surgery, which is good. I'm a little tired not feeling all that great, which means no swimming until I'm over this, Which SUCKS! Because our weather has been so crazy, low 80's last week and this week we are in the hundreds a big jump from last week. Not really sure if this will last I haven't been able to keep an eye on the weather, two of my co-workers said they would cover my shifts that way I could spend some time with my family. Having these two days off I had plans of cleaning our bedroom doing the laundry, and mopping floors now that I'm not feeling all that great there goes my day. Rats!! I'm off to bed, I hope someone out there is having a blast while I'm feeling under the weather.

(Edit) Unscrable the words that fits this title. Sorry no help Ch hahah.

Checking In

I'm really behind in posting lately, there has been some positive changes one will be the title of this blog Summer Rose will remain the same the caption at the bottom will no longer say Why am I writting this? Because someone close to me hurt me, and I'm finding my way back to being me all over again. I'm looking for a new one. There is so much I want to say about this, I've been so overwhelmed in my family life that I haven't been able to post. We are leaving for the family reuion on Friday afternoon, and returning some time on Sunday afternoon. In the mean time have a wonderfull and blessing of a week I'll post as soon as I can.

My Week

If there is one thing that I've learned these two past weeks, is NEVER trust a woman! I'm sorry to say such words, but when your work is very dear and near to your heart, there some things that should stay out of the work place, such as having to hear your clinic supervisor is having an affair with one of your co-workers, no I'm not joking this truely happend, they both got fired a weekend ago. While I and Ch were at a graduation party, I got the call from one of my co-workers I was in the shower when she called she asked if I worked the night before? I said no I was out of town visiting family I said why? She told me that my supervisor and the Lead Massage Therapist was having an affair. I was in total shock! Here I thought I would be nice and let her know that God loves her and every thing with work, and family would be okay that she needs to continue to beleive that. I went as far as reading scriptures to her. I can't believe I trusted her, I thought she was better than my first clinic supervisor, then to find out that not only did she have an affair with a C.M.T, but she also had two other guys who were members to come to her house while her husband was away at work. Her hubby is in the military, and she has a son as well. Or should I say had a family, apparently she's done this before and she won a loss suit against the guy. Now she's done it again, this time my former co-worker is pressing charges against her, it's been a huge transition at work. We have refused to hire another Clinic Supervisor, until we are sure we are in need of one. Right now the responsabilites have landed on the shoulder's of the owner and one lead Therapist, and a receptionist, who has refused the position of clinic supervisor. They both love what they do they just don't want the responsibilites of clients that cancell their memberships and deal with advertising. Which I don't blame them, there is still a lot of pieces to pick up. We are slowly getting back on even keel.

I go into work on Monday the energy of my work was so awful, that I was feeling very dizzy. I couldn't come home they needed me there, it's one of those situations that just doesn't make any sence. To why she did such a stupid stunt like this? She was on several different kinds of meds, she was even taken Welbutrin and took herself off of it. I asked her if that was a good idea? My husband takes that, I was startled that she wouldn't see her doctor first, before she took herself off of it. She had every one fooled we thought she was a god send, aparently she didn't care who she hurt as long as she got whatever the hell she wanted. And yes she was a believer she claimed to have grown up in a Christian Private school one of her relatives is a preacher and she grew up in the bible belt. Either she had me fooled or she was really good at telling lies, and didn't care about anyone except for herself. She is gone and there is no turning back, she took my friendship and ruined it! And I can't believe I was so nice to her. It goes to show that making friends at work is just not a good thing. You would think that I would learn my lesson from working at different places, and yet I let the nice one's hurt me again! I'm okay I just feel hurt and confused as to what caused her to do such a rotten thing. Will I ever trust a woman figure again? I'm not sure I work with more gals than I do with guys, and sometimes males can be down right mean too.

We recently had a gossuping male therapist working for us, he was not some one I trust what so ever and yet my boss has put him on call. We are not working on the same nights I refuse to work with some one that doesn't know how to keep his thoughts and nose out of peoples conversations. You think that this stuff would actually end after high school, it goes to show that there are still people out there that don't care about another humans feelings. It's strange how my work place's energy changed after this weeks events, it's more peaceful, has more of a positive out look than it has since it's been open almost a year ago this coming August. We are a family of healers that just want the clients be at peace with themselves. It won't happen if there is so much negative thoughts and power, it makes work unpleasent.

On Thurs, June 14th my ex clinic supervisor was arrested for making a faulse police report. Right in front of her son and husband, who showed no emotions on what was happening, we are refusing to hire any new clinic supervisors at the moment we are putting one of my massage therapist in charge of the us, while one receptionist that has been with us for several months will be in charge of the receptionist. For the time being until we can figure out what to do next, there is no rush in getting someone new to take over the duties of getting things we need. The owner and her husband are taking care of us. Which feels better than having someone that just pulled every one against each other. We are making progress it's slow right now at least it hasn't stopped us from not being busy day after day.

In the meantime this post is very late getting published, it's hard when I don't know from day to day what C is going to pull. There is still five posts on how my feelings are, I'm sure I'll get the time to write them out, as soon as I can.
J just finished his school year out on Friday we check out a school for C on Wed. to see if this will be a good placememnt we are also waiting for a bed to open up at a hosipital in S.F. I'll post more on this soon.

Where Have I Been?

To answer this question, I've had two busy weekends. Last weekend I went to my second Women's Retreat up in Sonora, the weather was wonderful, the speaker was awesome. There was ten of us from one church, that enjoyed ourselves so much, I even went into the town of Sonora and picked up a new bathing suit. I had saved up all of my tip money about two weeks worth, and took it with me. Before I could really enjoy my weekend of no boys, including Ch. I might as well back up an hour before I could leave for my weekend.

As many of you know Ch has been seeing his counselor for over a year, and since it was a Friday, C has been sent home from school early all week. And since it was payday shopping, and I wasn't about to stay home and wait for the school to call us while we were out of town. So we went ahead and took C with us, he was really good at the two stores we went to, afterwards we went to Ch's doctors appointment. While Ch was in his appointment, I took C back and forth from the truck to doc's building. About 30 minutes into waiting around for Ch, C went into one of his temper tantrums, and this time someone from the counselors station got to see what we go through every day. I couldn't believe my answer to prayers! Finally someone from Kaiser got to see it, to see my son in action. And before I could even fill out the paper work I was hit on the wrist by C, let me just say for a 6 yr old he's got one powerful hit. A counselor came around the Conor to see where I was at, I said I was by the elevator. She couldn't believe her eyes, we talked while watching to see what C would do. He would run back and fourth in the hall way of Kaiser, she observed my son. Asked me a bunch of questions. It didn't take her long to realized we had talked on the phone trying to get help and answers to questions that none of the doctors at the other Kaiser could tell us.

She looked down at the book I was caring, with a child like C she said wow! You are also reading the book called The Secret. I said well it's one that I picked up and put down Ch bought it for me. She couldn't believe she asked me how long has C been like this? I explained to her it's been over a year, no one can give us a good answer to what is going on with C. The second time C came towards us he hit me right on my back side. Talk about a red mark where it doesn't belong, she was as shocked as I was. That's just part of his behavior that I go through, we finally got C to come with us. She took us to her office which had shelves with toys and a basket of toys that he played with, while we talked. I explained to her that Ch was with his doctor at the moment and that he's been having personal issues of his own that he's been dealing with. By that time Ch called me asked where we were at, I said across the hall from his doc's office. I said that I was with someone that actually saw what we have been going through.

The three of us ended up back into the waiting room of kaiser; I called my bible study teacher V told her that I would be driving myself again. I explained to her that we were at Kaiser C went into one of his tantrums, and I would see them when I got there. She reminded me that she loves me, that god loves me and is looking out for us. She would be praying for us. It didn't take long for a few doctors to come out and talk to us. They took us all into a conference room to talk to us and to get us contacted with the right person's that deal with children like C. By the time we got home, it was already 3:30 and I still needed to pack a few things. After my truck was loaded and every thing put inside I looked at the time and almost didn't want to go. It was already late, we spent over an hour at Kaiser I was getting irritated I wanted to just come home, leave for my retreat and not deal with any one. Because one will or can give us any answers. Well needless to say, they all agreed that there is something else going on with C, of course they asked me if I was seeing a counselor? I said no, my outlets is my work, my bible study, that I no longer attend since Ch is working nights. I have no one to watch my boys, I'm planning on going to a retreat leaving at 3:30 this afternoon.

I didn't get on the road until 4:00 p.m. Friday afternoon, and got lost getting up there. I have no idea how I did that one, I did make it in the dark. Pulled in at desert time. I was so close in turning around and coming home, that's how I bad and rotten I was feeling. After finding my way to my place where the retreat was, I was just happy to be with my church family. I explained to them what had happened and that it was a prayer that had finally been answered someone actually saw what we have been going through. Most of my group either went to bed early, or stayed up until 12: a.m. playing domino's. I took myself to bed after I gave every one a should massage. That was my Friday.

After a good nights sleep and getting up early, usually I'm still sleeping until 8:30 a.m. since I was away and wanting to enjoy the peacefulness of being away from home. The second part of the retreat, most of my group signed up for different activities I hung out at the pool most of the afternoon. Tried my hand at the rock climbing wall they have there, I didn't make it to the top like I did last year. I did enjoy myself. The speaker that was there this year was the singer from last year's retreat, she lost a child about a month after he was born. She shared her story on how she and her husband over came this tragedy. They have two children, one has ADHD, went through some of the behaviors of what we were going through. The only difference is that they sent their daughter away to a teen rehabilitation camp out of state. We cannot do that she explained to me, that they sent their daughter away for quite some time. Afterwards they had to relearn, rethink and help their daughter through tough times.

Even though we may have good times and bad times, and want to pull our hair out. We must remember that Patience, prayers and faith will get us through those tough times. All of us are on a road to recovery, C is very smart and just needs a good school that will accept him. Just like the speaker that I talked to, her daughter is very smart and doesn't forget anything either. It takes parents like us to let our kids know we love them no matter how bad they get. I'm so blessed to have many friends to stand by us and pray for us, if we need a shoulder to lean on they are there to guide us love us and encourage us.

My retreat was every thing that I needed, I'm so glad that I had the chance to get away and recharge my batteries. Thank you my dear hubby I'm glad that you sent me away again, I'm hoping to go again next year. The weather was as awesome as the retreat. Last year at this time we were cold rainy, this year we were in the eighties, we all had a good time.

I'm hoping to get in some writing, as soon as I can. There is so much I want to write about it's finding the time to do so. I know good things come to those who wait. And waiting is what every one is going to have to do.

Running Out Of Time

As ch has written we are running out of time, C has become more than just a hand full he has become a holy terror on two legs. Yes I have to say C has given me my share of bruises, just about kicked out the sliding glass window, actually he went as far as kicking out the bottom of our security screen door, while Ch was at work. Ch came by to see how things were going; To say the least he wasn't thrilled to find our new screen door busted up. This just the topper of what we are going through with C. He went as far as throwing a pair of scissors at school yesterday, I got the message on my cell letting me know that C will be coming home from school early. I called Ch letting him know what had happened, he tells there was no calls from the school. I get home and looked at the answering machine which is blinking, oh really C didn't get sent home from school early. Here's the message I played it, he didn't realize that C was sent home early. I wanted to yell but what good would that do? Nothing absolutely nothing! Anything that I do isn't good enough for this child, if J doesn't get his way or isn't paying attention to what I expect for him to do, then C goes into a tail spin. So yes I do have my hands full, while one child is running from me telling me he hates me, drops the Fbomb more than once, can't punish him which does nothing but gets us both upset. Has called me bitch don't ask me where he got that word from, it wasn't from me. As mad as C makes me I can't use foul words he will repeat them, bed time has become a major pain in the ass! There is no peace unless both boys are in bed. The only thing that seems to be working is turning off all the lights, playing a relaxing CD, and reading him a bed time story.

By the time I just about get settled into my reading, and relaxing is an hour before Ch walks through the door from work, I'm up about 5 a.m. due to change of hours at work go in early get off early, that way I can start on the house work or if there is laundry that needs to be done then I have time to get it started. This way I'm not rushing around trying to get a list of things that need to be done before dinner and after dinner. Bath time has become a real hard one, usually C will not fight me on this but lately it's been NO I don't want to, I don't have to! You can't make me. Oh really well guess what child your wrong, and I'm right.

We are so desperate for answers that it's not even funny, there is no even keel with C. He is either happy for about an hour, and all of a sudden it's like a switch that goes off and he's running all over the place, hitting, screaming, and I'm in total shock what the hell just happened. J and I didn't do anything, and this all takes place while I'm trying to cook dinner, and trying to figure out how long it's going to take, and what chores of mine needs to be done. I'm basically crying on the inside Lord please some one find an answer for this child of ours, there is barley enough hours in the day for any of us. It's becoming so overwhelming that I'm just so tired at night, that I'm not even sure if I'm getting enough sleep.

There is no doubt in my mind that C does need out side help. He is getting too strong too over baring for me to handle. We have reached a crises point with C, either Kaiser needs to step up to the plate and give us a place where C can go for help. Basically he cannot stay here any more. After the bruises he's given me and not to mention the one he gave J by throwing a shoe at him, which he showed me tonight, how the hell did that happen where the hell was I? Either in the bathroom or out doing laundry. I can't be in two places at once, C is going to wind up hurting himself real bad. My main concern is my safety, his brother's safety and that of a sliding glass window which is about ready to fall out. C has no control over any thing he says or does. One minute he can be down right loving, hugging, gives kisses and all of a sudden for no apparent reason, he just blows his top. And that's when the hitting, pinching, biting and I hate yous start up.

I can't believe I just wrote such an awful post, this has been on my mind for quite some time. I'm not sure how long it will be up or if I'm going to post this at all. I feel like a mom that doesn't care any more, which is not true. I'm just so exhausted with the out bursts and the hurtfulness that I'm getting from C, I love both of my boys very much. How much is too much? And when is it okay to say I've had enough? I'm dying inside my heart eachs for peace and love that I know is in C we just need to figure out how to tap into it, get him to be more loving than having him fight the way he does.

Faith And Hope

I can actually say that my faith and my hope, are the two most powerful aspects that get me through my toughest moments. This past weekend was Mother's Day, which was very nice. I had a lot of calls my brother from Utah called me, and wished me a Happy Mother's day, he even informed me that our dad and my step mom, are planning to move back to Mexico in a few years. A shock to all of us, my brother is not happy. We are both feeling very overwhelmed, we have a few years before they move. I haven't seen my dad since last summer, and the rest of the family a few years ago. It doesn't seem fair, we're all feeling a little bit sad. Faith brought us together, and hope brought us memories to last a life time. As always our phone conversations went from talking about jobs, our kids, and to what we will be doing for this special day. I even got to talk to my sister-in-law, she is doing fine. My two nephews and niece are doing good, growing the oldest is in Cub Scouts the other two are still a little young to join.

My Brother that I'm really close to also called me, he is doing fine. Except for the homesickness that he is feeling at the moment. He lost 20 pounds, from working and eating healthy. He has been warned not to lose any more, He is 6'1 while I'm 5'6 1/2 and thin. We talked about how much we miss our mom, and if she was here what she would be doing for Mother's Day. And how many times she would tell to stop running in the house! It's not been easy we keep wondering if there was something different we could have done. Only if she would have watched what she ate, and wondered if there was some way of getting her high blood pressure under control. Alas there was nothing that could be done. Her time was up and the Lord needed another angel.

My Boy's took me out to breakfast which was really good, we had a good time with CH's parents, I and my mom-in-law had chocolate covered strawberries they were soooooo goooood. After a wonderful breakfast we came home did some much needed work around the house, which is never ending. I vacuumed my suv all the carpets are cleaned the outside has been washed and my windshield is much better to see out of.
And yes we did go fishing last Friday it was a lot of fun, and yes I did help catch two cat fish on Ch's new fishing pole and reel. I do have to say it was so much fun, catching and releasing fish is the fun part.

As for things with C, they are the same; No change in his temperaments, C has also been kicked out of his after school program for the rest of the year. C is not allowed back until the next school year. So in the meantime I have changed my hours at work, CH has to be up with both boy's while I'm walking out the door at 7:00 a.m. and coming home an hour earlier, with school ending it's better that I start earlier and getting off early too. That way we don't have to worry about a babysitter during the summer or when school starts back up in late August. And now I can actually can come home and do my house work that seems to wait until the weekends, then again that doesn't last very long, since we've seemed to have found something to do as a family such as night fishing or going away for the day.

My evenings are sometimes filled with temper tantrums that are non-stop. Or trying to get two boys into bed by 9:00 p.m. then finding that I'm very exhausted from the days work and the drive home that I'm wanting to fall asleep the minute I get home. I know the cause of this, I've forgotten to take my multi-vitamins that I'm suppose to take. Which lately I haven't been doing that.

J is doing good in school, he recently got a C+ on his science fair project. Which is a pretty good grade. No complaints from me or his dad, he is giving it his best shot, now if he would only remember to give important information that way I know exactly what is going on at school. He didn't tell me that picture day was the week after Spring break I walked into the office last Friday to let them know that he had a Chiropractor's appointment and that they recently had picture day. Now I have to wait until next spring to get his done. Since kids do tend to grow more during the fall and late spring it's better to get them done right before school lets out.

Since we couldn't have ch home for dinner, we took him dinner on Mother's Day evening of course J and C thought it would be fun to try to keep an Alligator lizard as a pet which is now running loose in the garage, I'm hoping one of the cat's will take care of it. I can't believe the two of them thought is fun to let such a icky critter run around in the garage. I'm hoping it doesn't show up while I'm doing the laundry or cooking dinner. And if the darn thing dies in my laundry someone will be doing the laundry and it won't be me! I think it's time to teach J how to do the laundry *evil grin*.

It's about time to get dinner on the table and maybe, just maybe a relaxing evening before I go to bed. We'll have to see, every time I try to do that my boys seem to think it's their time to be up. Mom is in need of recharging her batteries.
That's all for now I'll try to keep you all updated, when I get a moment of quietness.


Last but not least, I would like to say farewell to a wonderful blogger who has been around longer than I have. May Artful Dodger and Lady L, have a blessed life together. May their families be stronger than ever, they both are very caring people. So Here's to Artful Doger God Bless you and Farewell. You will be truly missed.

Things are not still not the best, life has yet thrown another punch. I can't even concentrate on any of my devotions I've got J and C wanting to play around until after 8 p.m. and now I have to get up thirty minutes earlier than normal because C has been kicked out of his afterschool program this week. Not to mention he's just about being kicked out of his second school, so now were do we go from here? I'm loosing an up hill battle, I'm being tossed by the sea. With no shore in sight, so much darkness that is surrounding every little place that I look that my emotions are taking over. I have no time to cry, I have no time to read, I have no time to fold five loads of laundry. And now this!! Please Lord no more! I can't even think at the moment. Right now I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Now not only do I have C up now I've got J up too. I'm going now I'll write when I can.
Love
Summer

Very Tired

Yes it's true I'm very tired, after the two days of a nightmare that I would never would expect C to even think of doing and saying; It's just amazing that I even made it home from work on Monday afternoon. We've seen C at his worse, nothing like this, I don't think that any one is ever prepared for this kind of behavior. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling at the moment, it's a lot of numbness that I'm feeling or whether it's I'm just very tired from the last two days. It's one thing of not getting answers and another of having us being told that were at fault and that we are the one's who are putting these kinds of thoughts into our son's head. Which in turn we did file a formal complaint this morning, and my call to the number that is located on the back of the card, is when they did call us back. Ch was on the phone with Kaiser when I arrived home. I was told by my supervisor that I was to turn around, and go home we weren't busy enough and that today would be fine. She told she is expecting me to be there at work; I have at least three clients tomorrow morning.

I explained to her that I can't afford to lose my job, Angela (Not her real name)...said that wouldn't happen she promise me this right then and there, I can't believe my supervisor would go to such lengths as to say that my job will be there tomorrow, that my family is to come first. This is what I call a blessing to have a caring person to work and stand beside their employee's. I made a call to C's regular doctor this morning Ch was not too thrilled he thought I was changing doctors on C. I said No I'm not, I've worked too hard too long to find the right doctor that will actually listen to what I have to say. And if I have any questions that he would not walk out of the room with out giving me an answer. C loves his doctor, I can't change him now. And have to go through the process of finding a doc. like this one. I don't think so! I'm staying in the East bay for J and C's medical care. The rest I'll move my child from.

And so today we did just that, C has an appointment not too far from where I work. C will be out of school until we see this new counselor starting tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. The end results of the doctors appointment this evening was, getting C's blood tested a third time, poor child Ch was the bad guy, I was the good guy took C out to dinner. The doctor is looking for a chromosome called fragile X, it's something to do with the size of the child's head. And usually children with this has a more of a long face to them, in C's case his head is not. The doc also sent another referral to the Autism center near San Jose, and see if they can give us a second oppion the first one doesn't make any sense at all.

We have to wait a week for the blood test to come back, I even went as far asking about a brain scan doc said that wouldn't really give us any clear cut answers because C is still growing and it wouldn't give us any answers to what the problem is. I did the right thing took C back to his pediatrician to have him look at C a little more closely, and he even agrees with us, that the Mental Health Center is wrong. That we have been looking for the right answer since C was 4 yrs old. And he is now 6 yrs old, he is getting stronger every day and has one powerful kick to him. My bruises have healed, C's temperament is at a crises stage, and finding what is making him tick is what we are looking for.

I want to thank each and every one of you, for your prayers well wishes and continued support for us. I would write more I'm very exhausted, I've made two calls tonight, we are very blessed to have meet the right people, from the church that I attend. Without their support in the last two days I don't think I would be able to get through today. We still have a long way to go, and our prayer is that the tests come back with something to go on, that the new counselor will be able to help us. In getting down to what is making C tick.

Until next time Good Night.

100 Posts!

Wow now that's what I call, a lot of writing! Actually I could've hit my 100Th during lent, since I needed time to regain control, over my spiritual life. I'm a much happier person. Things at work are going well, I'm no longer wanting to quit, which is a good thing, now if only the receptionist would take a second to see what modalities I'm aloud to do it would make my life so much easier. Life goes on, I can't complain, as long as there is someone who does a better job at Deep Tissue I can, then I won't have any problems.


As for last night, it was a little crazy Ch called me and said J's glasses are in and if I didn't mind if he went and bought a new camera, that's fine we do need a new one the one that we had, it's been through the ringer. It's the one that has seen it's shares of hunting, fishing, family gatherings and birthdays since it was given to us as an early Christmas gift one year from mom and dad in-laws. We've put it to good use. It finally gave out about a week ago or so, didn't want to focus any more, didn't want to take any more pictures and the batteries kept dying in it. Yesterday we needed a camera, the same time J's new glasses were in so Ch called me and asked if it was okay for him to buy a camera with out me. I said sure you know what you are looking for I don't, as long as it's user friendly. Camera's and me don't get a long very well, when you have so many things to do and don't have the Patience to learn then it gets complicated.

Ch brought home the camera realized that it had the wrong battery, and cord he had to make another trip back over the bridge another $4.00 toll, they gave him one that would charge in the truck and would be ready for this evening. While he was dealing with a camera issues, I stayed at home and made dinner which turned out pretty good with a little helping hand from my mom in law. So what was I making that needed a little help with? Homemade Lasagna! We make this once in a while, it's not every often that we get to have this kind of dinner. We were suppose to have both parents over and his grandmother, Dad in law came down with a bad cold so mom in law and grandma, and the four us were the only one's here for dinner.

After dinner came the fun part, opening the presents! That my loving, caring family got me. Two out of five presents I knew about, my mom in law let it slip she got me the necklace and matching earrings for my birthday, she even threw in her Satin Hands set from Mary Kay. That stuff really works! Better than the store bought stuff. As always $20.00 from grandma, I told her that I would buy a smoothie maker, since I love fresh smoothies. A set of lounge pants and lounge tank tops from J and C. A pink Oakland A's jersey, it's so cool! A Keith Urban CD, my last but not least. Oh this one I can take to work when I have nothing to do, a Nintendo DS, in pink! And a game called nintendogs. You get to buy the type of dog you want, buy it's food and water, play with it pick up it's droppings, and the best part about the game it doesn't bother my allergies! I know I'm being such a youngster, since I've got two of them if you can't beat them, might as well join them! They both have Advanced Gameboys. They both wanted me to let them try it, dad told them it was mine and to leave me alone, and let me play with it. Oh and I almost forgot CH came home with 2 dozen orange pink roses. They were so pretty, I think I have a pic. Unless it was one of those sure I'll take the pic when I have time.

Even though we had camera issues it was a good birthday, the best part about the camera is that it's user friendly I took some pictures with it yesterday. One of the cutest pic of my cat in an empty birthday bag. She loves those, I'll have to post it from the family computer. I'll save it for another time.

Edit: This post is 8 days late, we're dealing with a lot of difficulties right now. As always keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Tonight was the first time in over a month that I attended a bible study class and got the new book. I'm looking forward on how this book turns out. The only thing I forgot to ask my bible study teacher was her email addy that way I can keep up with every one else.

Thank you to all of you that have given us well wishes before, and who have stayed with us through thick and thin. May we all continue to strive, in the right direction.

Love
Summer Rose

Happy 32nd Birthday!!

Yes is true I turned 32 today, and it was an okay day. Lots of calls since yesterday, my dad, my brother, today my sister called left me a message which I got after work. It was a long day one mistake was made by one of the receptionist, they weren't watching what they are doing, booked me a massage then forgot to put in that it was a chair massage. It's one thing to book the appointment then another to forget the important information, of what kind of massage the cleint is need of. In this case it was a 30 min chair massage. I've done table massages for this long, but since it wasn't put in the computer right, I was late getting to the client. Of course I gave the client the right amount of time and giving her a little extra few minutes on her back and neck.

You take the good with the bad, and try to make sure mistakes like this doesn't happen again. To me it's just part of the job, making sure the clients needs are taken care of. And if they are a little sad or feeling the need to cry I let them, or just listening to why there is so much stres in one part of the back, it's part of the healing process that each client is going through. Usually it's pain managment that they are coming in for, or just needing a good relaxing massage. Which is fine with me. That way I don't have to worry about the inflamation in my left wrist. It's a little swollen this evening, after J and C goes to bed I'll be putting ice on my wrist for a little while.

My tips run about $10.00 to $30.00 per week, one of my clients brand new. She gave me a check for $50.00 I couldn't believe it! She was so in love with my work, that she's coming back. Along with her husband, each client always ask how long have you been massaging? I tell them 2 yrs. One of my all time favorite questions is how old are you? I'm 32 today. She looks at me and says no way! I don't know why, but I just get a kick out of these questions. Another topper is how long have you been working here? 6 months, wow that's a long time, of course I don't tell them that I've wanted to quit a few times. For some reason I've stuck it out, :) I think it's the change in supervisors, only if they could stop hiring so many darn massage therapist. I think the one's that have been there the longest, should be able to handle the work instead of hiring new ones. We've already told them don't hire any more for the mornings, because I'm not about to lose any more hours of work because someone didn't bother calling me and asking if I wanted more hours of work. Instead they hired three new one's in my absence. To me it's just the way I look at things, through the eyes of those who are in need of healing in any way they can get it.

When I turned my calendar over todays date, I found this quote that has stuck with me since high school. One that has actually brought me full circle on my road of hard knocks.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

You have made known to me
The path of life.
Psalms 16:11 NIV

There is something that has been bothering me lately. I feel that I need to get it out into the open. Bare with me, as I tell you all that I'm not feeling very sexy at the moment. It seems that I've gained 10 pounds since my last visit to my obgyn, I missed my pap back in November and finally got in there a few weeks ago. As many women know you have to get weighed to my supprise, thinking that I've lost some weight since my last doctors visit which I didn't I've actaully gained 10 freaken pounds! Instead of weighing 170 I'm now weighing in at 181 pounds just great! So guess what, I had to buy a whole new set of clothes to wear this summer. I went from a cute size 12-14 average to a whopping size 16 just great! Which meant everything that I bought last year and the year before had to go into the giveaway bag. I did cry because it hurts badly. And even now I want to shed a few tears, everything that was ever bought for me had to go. There is only two skirts and two shirts that actually fit one of them my mom bought for me before she passed away another set was bought as a gift to wear to my class reunion.

Don't even get me started on some of my sexy outfits, they are gone too. And I'm not replacing them! If I don't have the body for them why waiste good hard earn cash on something that will not look good! Even though I still work out 5 days a week bought two new work outs, different kind of weights. And I'm still weighing in at 181 pounds. My bloodpressure is right were it should be, I didn't even right it down. But it's right were it should be. I'm not eating anything that isn't healthy yet I've gained weight! The only place that I've actually lost weght is in my boobs, I don't feel top heavy but I feel bottom heavy if that even makes sence to any one.

On top of my weight gain I'm also going through pre-menopause too, not a good thing either so now I've got to watch how much milk I drink how much I'm actually eating, and find a way to try soy milk. Any ideas? I'm just running into all kinds of fun, and some how I'm still trying to stay positive without, going into a pity me. I'm really close of taking my belly ring out and not even bothering to put it back in again. That's how much I've gained, it's not that it bothers CH but it bothers me a lot, I'm trying my best not to go out and spend a ton of money on clothes for myself, but to put the money toward buying clothes for J and C.

They need clothes more than I do, then turn around find out that you have gained more than you should have. It's not even funny, and I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how the hell did this happen? Oh that's right I had surgery I'm now going through the change that should happen to older women!! And I'm so close to hitting that 200 pound mark!! My mom died because she didn't take of herself she died because she weighed 290 pounds with high blood pressure! I'm not nor do I want to hit that mark because it scares the living daylights out of me! I've always been thin and now with these changes, I'm litterly toturing myself of staying thin. Not hollywood thin but at least not going out and buy new clothes every freaken year!

And knowing what the bible says, be still for I'm with you. Give me all your troubles. And yet I'm finding myself trapped, between faith and weight that it's not even funny. I'm barly snacking, two days last week I had to skip lunch due to clients needs, I come home and make dinner and it's not even fast food. Everything that I make for dinner is bar-b-qued or on the Forman grill, or the slow cooker. Yet I'm still working out, sometimes thirty mins before I start my bible study, yet I'm still getting up at 5:30 a.m. and doing my workouts. Walking to pick up C from his after school program. The only thing I haven't gotten into yet is running, and as soon as the rest of my swelling goes down, I'm buying myself three sports bras and going try run again. I know this isn't exactly a post that I would normaly would write about, but it's one that I felt the need get it off of my chest and off of my mind. I will leave you with this:

Calm me, O Lord as you stilled
the storm,
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease,
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.
Celtic Traditional

My Slow Return

In my last post which was written, back in Feb. I can't believe I actually stuck it out that long. Wow! it was a well deserve break and one that really needed my attention. And I will reveal why I took such a long break, most of you know that I've always attended church and for those who are new to reading me, just bare with me. And that I also attend a bible study class which I had to give up due to CH's working swing shift. I see them when I go to church, if I'm not up too late the night before. I've missed two Sunday's in a row, I do make it up in the evenings. I have pulled out my bible study lessons and work on them for about an hour. Which has given me so much peace and a positive out look. Of course there are days when I feel as if I'm taking one step forward, and three steps back. I get through those hard times with a shot of positive reading, and a reminder that is sitting on my desk.

As the days went by, I knew I was doing this for a good cause. This is harder than I thought, I will try my best to keep this short as possible. I've been working on a bible study called Surrender. We have been working on this book for about four months we should be finishing it up pretty soon. I'm one chapter behind, and I will finish this book before the next new bible study arrives. Even though I cannot attend it's good to have fresh stuff to read. One of the things that caught my attention in this book was if you could give something up what would it be, and for how long would you be able to do it for? It's part of making your faith stronger, it's been one mind thinking, looking at yourself differently and realizing that all is not lost without Christ. It hit me just at a time that I needed it most, and with Easter just around the corner, I thought I would try this and see if I could actually last until after Easter.

It wasn't easy I almost lost it, I didn't think I could actually stay away from writing anything here. I did keep a journal with one months of writing, there is a few things that I will bring out of there and put here. Just to give you an idea how things have been with me and our two boys. I almost came back to writing last Thursday just before Easter and I was stopped dead, no it's not time you made a promise and I had to keep it. So I deleted my title and my one sentence that I had written, continued my bible studies. I'm doing two at a time, one for Monday nights and a devotion. Which takes about one hour to do when I have a good night with J and C. If they aren't fighting or taking too long in getting chores done, by the time I get one done it's already 11:00 p.m. and I'm ready for bed, to be up at 5:30 in the morning. I don't have that much time in the morning trying to get both boys ready and I have to be at work by 9:00 a.m. even though my days are long, it's good to be able to get some down time in.

And yes this will be a slow return, my posts will continue to be a few weeks apart. I'm going to try to keep up with bible studies, of course my boys and whatever else is thrown my way. Hopefully not too much at one time, this is my first post back so we'll see how this pans out.

A Happy Belated Easter to all of you. And may your week be a good one, and once again it's cold out here!

Feeling A Little Blue

Even though we had a good weekend, I'm feeling a little down not too much. Just enough to let myself know, I could be feeling a change of sorts. Not sure in what direction it's coming from or how it will effect me in a way of work, we did pray on it last night. On the other hand it could be nothing at all and I'm just being a worrier over nothing. I know writing and talking about it will help, I'm not even sure if I'm ready for another step in the wrong direction, or it could be in the right direction and the good Lord is waiting for the right door, and the timing to be right for me to head in a good direction. Whatever the reason for me feeling this way. Has caused me to take a little break rethink, to refocus on what is important to me. What I'm feeling is very over powering; And the more that I set it on the back burner the more it's pressing me. And this time I cannot let it go, I've been fighting the urge of taking a much needed break; Not in a way that I will leave and not return, but one that will recharge my batteries.

This is my place of putting whatever is on my mind out there, and sometimes I cannot share what I'm feeling because, I'm little nervous on how people react. Some of my writings were a little off the wall, some of them showed a very sexy side of me. I'm glad to have this blog, it's helped in many ways but there is one thing it cannot help me with, and that is the blessings from above. Yet his word is what I've been avoiding lately, for me it's not been very good. I've felt his voice to study his word a little more and hopefully I can be able to recharge, and be able to come back.


Being out of work has not helped much either, I did get my sutures taken out. All of my stitches are the dissolving kind which is a good thing. I'm still swollen, and was told to take easy. That's the other part that is killing my spirit, is not being able to help financially at the moment. I know this will not last long I have about six weeks left and I should be good to go.

In the meantime keep me in your thoughts and prayers, I know this won't last long. And may I find peace and when I'm ready to write out what made feel blue I will let you all know. It's going to take some time on my part to really sort everything out, I do keep a journal, I will most likely pick it up again, and if I feel the need to share, then I will.

May every one's week be full of blessings, love and laughter. I'm off to do some reading and hopefully that will, give myself a much needed lift in my spirits.

Edit: I will comment now and then, to the one's that I do enjoy reading. Just to let every one know that I'm still around.

Sheesh!!

So this is what it's like, to own a FORD. Third trany needs to be sent back to where it was built. Which means I won't get my suv for the weekend, which means I'm miss CHURCH!! And believe me I will not, nor will I own another, FORD in my drive way! I can not wait until I can get a transfer, that is the only way we're going to be able to afford something that is more reliable. For those who owns one glad to hear that yours isn't in the damn shop! If life could throw me another, J needs to have three fillings along with braces, just great one more thing to add to my list of I don't want nor do I need this Shit at the moment!

As for my health I've relapsed last night, my stitches are poking the under side of my arm. And I have until Monday to have them remove, at least I've got that to look forward to. The only income we are getting at the moment is CH's my disability will not kick in until I get back onto my feet and work again. Which won't be until March 19th right now I'm praying really hard, and remembering songs that get me through the tough times.


The pic below is one that I took, C was being cute and thought mom needed a foam bullet on her door. It's a good thing my suv is at the shop, I would like to drown it in the river. Or put a real bullet right, through the engine. Of course my mechanic said that wouldn't do any one any good. So the thought was there.


Edit: This was suppose to be, last nights post. I didn't get done until this morning. #94

An Eventfull Week

It's been one hell of a week, and I'm so glad that the weekend is hear. I had to pay for my Massage insurance, let me just say that's one hell of an expensive thing to pay on. I went from paying $260.00 down to $199.00 I could have saved more if I had mentioned where I was working to get it lowered even more. Oh well at least I've got insurance. Another expense this week was J's field trip of $225.00 he's going to science camp near S.F. in March. And I'm not driving him either, he will be riding with another parent that is planning on traveling that far. Since those two major bills are paid I can relax a little, maybe until Tuesday, when I take my suv back to the shop after the kids leave for school. The check engine light has been on for over a month and is now has an exhaust leak on the left side. Notice that when I was coming home from work before I had my surgery. Just great!! one more thing to add to the list of screaming bloody murder! As many repairs we've done on this ford, Ch still insists on wanting another. I'm sorry dear but no thanks, it doesn't matter if there is one, sitting at the ford dealer ship with a nice price tag on it.
So last night Ch was being funny, and I took him up on his little joke, and went looking for a new auto. I found two one is a Saturn and one is a Chevy, both aren't bad for the price so I compared it with a Ford, guess what for some reason Fords are a little more than the Chevy and the Saturns.

Even though we aren't quit ready to buy a new one, and with all the repairs that are needing to be done on my suv. I think it's time to throw in the towel and go further into debt. Not exactly what I really want to do. And with no help from the outside what other choice do we have? As for my work I've decided to go ahead and have transfer done. With the same job that I have now, the only difference is the pay $16.50 in the East Bay, compared to $7.50 down here. I think I'll take the long drive, and sit in traffic for 20 mins. So why all of sudden a transfer? My boss called me the day before Valentines, asked how I was doing. Now this is were it gets really interesting. Since I've been gone from work for three weeks, things have changed at my work. My boss is taking a transfer to Rose ville, they are opening another massage place there. She then to tell me that, one of the other gals that works up front will be handling all of my affairs of when I come back. I'm thinking just great! she's giving my medical information, to one of the gals that manages the front and not to the one that owns the building and is the manager.

Oh wait the manager is never there, the clinic has been run by the clinic supervisor. She is the one who gets us every thing that we need, I asked my supervisor what was going on she tells me that she needs a change, and the drive from Sac. to V.V. is too far. Her heart and soul has always been working with places, who hire massage therapist and show them how to dress the client without exposing any part of their body. I'm not a bit surprise, then again any thing she does or says is taken like water off of a ducks back. She asked if I have my medical leave papers I told I could bring it to her. What I should have done was wait until later that afternoon. So I get there and she's in a meeting with some gal. I'm not sure who she is suppose to replace.

Since she was busy, I wanted to see who was working, my co-workers were sitting in the break room so when I opened the door they were sitting there, waiting for their clients to show up. I'm not a bit surprised, so we all start talking on what has been going on at work. Liz (not her real name), said it's nice to see you, we talk about how I was doing. She asked me if I knew about our supervise leaving? I said yes she called me and told me couple of hours ago. What? I thought I was the only one she told it too. Oh really? Now this where the fun begins, she calls me we talked about how work is going she said it's been busy. Liz looks at me kind of surprised, I said what it hasn't been busy, both girls look at each other then at me. Okay what the hell is going on? Because Alisa is leaving and you two know more than I do. So spill it! D.C left because of a transfer to the East Bay which I knew, so after she had left and with my medical leave. Things have gotten out of control, one gal that took the place of D.C. is going back over seas, her husband is going Iraq in the middle of March. So she's leaving the first week of April, going back to Guam.

Another gal that was hired just about the same time as Lilli, she was losing money at her rental space so she quit making $900.00 a month she was losing money while working at M.E. I asked who else is here, and who else is leaving. Liz informs me that a few more are planning on leaving, due to not being paid enough. Liz was asked to clean the carpets, tables and do the dusting so they wouldn't have to hire a cleaning company to come in and do it for us. Liz and Jen came in on the weekends and cleaned after hours. She was being paid by Lisa and Jim, Lisa never paid her on time, kept changing the cleaning worksheets on her. Alisa knew but didn't bother calling Liz about it. Lisa would breach the contract, so Liz told Lisa that she wasn't cleaning any more, and to find someone else. Because Lisa wouldn't get pay on time and Liz had a bounced her rent check, waiting on Lisa and Jim to pay them. That has been a mess. She asked if I wanted to hear more I said sure, I'm up for all the dirt. Well how about taking a seat for the rest, I said sure.

So sitting with my co-workers, Liz tells me that Alisa and Lisa had a falling out, they got into a heated argument over why Alisa was spending so much money on supplies. Because our therapist need lotion, they need clean sheets every day. They have a cleaning company come in and deliver us our clean sheets. And sometimes he is late getting to us. And we are stuck washing and drying the sheets, Lisa still kept whining and complaining on how much was being spent, and how many clients have come in. And so Alisa had enough of their bull shit and said she's out of here, I was shocked that it went as far as a transfer for Alisa I'm happy for her, but there is still the matter of us massage therapist needing more money. So alot of them are leaving, Liz is another one, she's pretty much has another job lined up in Sac. I had a feeling this would happen sooner or later, it doesn't take much to for someone to start something and all hell breaks loose.

Just about the time Liz was about to say something, Alisa walks in with two more massage therapist. I'm sitting there with Liz and Lilli, we look at one another not saying a word. I had seen one of them right before I went on leave and she's hired two more, hell we haven't been able to keep the ones that were hired back in August busy enough. Alisa explained that I will be working four days a week from 9:00 to 3:00 Monday through Thursday. I explained this to Ch he isn't happy at all, I'm still working four days a week. If I'm not busy to stay until 3:00p.m. then I'm sent home. It's not worth working at this place. Now the other place that I want to transfer to. I've talked to D.C. about how she is doing she's busier working in the East Bay she's been busy since the day they opened up. She told me to call them the following day tell them that you work for Alisa and see if you can get over here after your done healing. So I called them the on Wed. they said to bring in a resume and if I personally knew D.C. I said yes I did worked with her in V.V. before her transfer. He said that helps a lot, so we'll see how that goes on the 26 of Feb.

As I'm talking with my co-workers, I asked about another therapist that I had not met. He's gone M.I.A. no one has heard or seen him. He works at the same place as I do and works at the bank during the day. He hasn't called either of his jobs, no one knows where he is at. Liz knows which bank he works at, so she was going to see if they have heard from him because his second job needs to talk to him about his work habits is out of control. Liz said this is not like him to do this, he's very responsible works well with others. And is in tune with those he works with, so this mystery of a missing co-worker has been on the minds of those who know him well. He's been missing for about two months. Hasn't called either one of his jobs, whether he has finally showed up or not I don't know. I went as far as asking if we knew where he lived to see if he is okay? No one knows where he lives which makes it even worse. We all have his phone number they have called it, but there hasn't been any answer. You hear about this kind of stuff on t.v. mind blowing to hear of it in real life. I do hope and pray for his safe return, and if he is really sick that he would have the nerve of calling work.

The last part of this post, was going with C to see Disney On Ice. We all had a good time, C. was so glad that I got the chance to go with him. His teachers got to see a loving mom and son enjoy themselves. We had lunch before we came home, both of us enjoyed having lunch in the warm sunshine. Ch had to work and couldn't come with us, but that was okay. C was so glad that I got to come with him.

Hearts On Fire (BEWEAR ADULT CONTENT)!!

I'm having one of those moments, if you remember the post that was really, breath taking. Here's another that's over due. And hopefully this will not turn out a rerun of words so bare with me.

We've been working long hours and it's a Friday night, the kids have gone to bed, with out any fuss. And dinner has been done for the night and the dishes have been washed and put away. My scheming, sexy little mind, has been working in over drive. I've wanted you, waited for you. My looks tell you I need you, My body is sending messages of I can't wait to get you to myself. The lights are turned out the candles, light scented vanilla candles burning, the mood of romance is in the air.

I slip into something a little more comfortable, and walk back to the living room where you are sitting on the couch. Half nekked wearing only a pair of boxers. I sit next to you, we both hug and kiss...as our lips meet, your hands move over me, sending chills down my spine. Oh god it feels so good, you move your hands under my sexing robe you notice, I'm not wearing any thing. You softly touch my bare breast, your hand moves from the right to the left. Your hand is greeted by enticing nipples each rising to be touched. Your hand moves lower over my stomach, just above my awakening, you kiss my neck nibble my ears. Whispers of sweet nothings are left in their wake. I sense your growing hard dick, needing wanting to be touched.

My hands roam over your manly nipples caressing, kissing, licking each one. Not missing a beat in your touch. Your dick responding to each others touches, so caring, so loving. As I'm laying in your arms one holding my back while the other is lightly playing with my clit, the softness of my skin under your finger tips, as you play with every part of me. You pull me into your arms, as I softly touch your back, kissing each other, making each of our body parts wanting, needing more. As your fingers trace the outer layer of my soft sweet pussy waiting to be touch, wanting, needing more. You slide your finger into my wet pussy, as I reach to touch your hard dick.

As our bodies respond to more than just a touch, as my mouth takes your dick, tasting your manliness, wanting to feel my tongue along it's shaft. Taking care of each little detail. As your body response to each little movement of my tongue, your
hands roam over each of my bare breasts. Wanting more, yet enjoying every movement of each other's boobies. You whisper it's my turn to lick, and to taste you, as I move from between your legs. As I lie on back,as I feel you, planting little flicks of pleasure onto my lower half. Kissing my inner thighs, taking your mouth softly, licking my outer lips of my pussy. As your fingers softly touch each of my rising nipples, your fingers working to get me wetter, finding it wouldn't be much longer before I would climax to the pleasure of your tounge working on pussy. While my fingers run through your hair, the feeling of each others bodies, wanting needing more.

Moans of pleasure escape my mouth, such a sweet sound to your ears. Oh baby, yes just like that. Licking my wetness feeling your tongue, entering my wet pussy longing for your hardness of dick, to finish me off. Feeling each other's bodies on fire from the pleasure of each lick and kiss, our bodies wanting more. Your hardness is so ready for my wanting wet pussy. The smell of my womanly sent, to taste me on your lips. As we give into one another, pushing your dick into my soft, sweet, wet pussy enjoying the slowness as we ride one another. Not wanting this to end, as we move with each other's pace. As moans of pleasure, escapes each other, the feeling of our bodies as we move together. The climaxing begins, oh yes right there, don't stop as our bodies move to each other's wants, and our needs were being met.

As we lie in each other's arms, hugging and kissing each other good night. Enjoying our hot, love making. Just being able to enjoy, one another body was worth the flirting and kisses during the evening.

Edit: I've been working on this post since the weekend. Sorry it's taken a little longer than expected. I do hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Quick Update

As many have heard I'm doing much better, than I was a few weeks ago. That was until I drove myself around today, and drove out of town to pick up Ch's birthday cake, I did a big NO, NO, I leaned over to put the cake between the seats instead of leaving it on the front seat where I had it to begin with. In other words I've got my right under arm near the stitches inflamed at the moment. I know it wasn't a smart move on my part, and I know it wasn't the brightest move either. I did take a shower to see if that would make the discomfort any less bearable. It did somewhat help, I'll be sleeping on the couch again as well. This morning I found dried blood, underneath my bra padding so I know sleeping in the bed, wasn't helpful either. I tried to get my pillows in a good position then I would fall to the left or to the right, either way I wasn't comfrotable. As much as I enjoy sharing our bed, it's not going to work tonight, too much is at risk like pulling one of my stitches apart that's all we don't need right now. I'm off to do another post.

Every one's prayers have been such a blessing for us, again thank you. Before I forget I did return to my Monday night bible study class it was small just 6 of us. At least things are somewhat getting back to normal.

So Far So Good

Just wanted to let every one know, that I did go back to the doctors yesterday. Every thing is going well, there is still swelling and burses are slowly starting to fade away. The hard part was actaully having the bandages removed, as I was sitting on the table he had this mirror on the counter, I saw some of the major work that was done. I about passed out on my doctor, as he was taking the gaze off of my stitches. I felt this strange leakage feeling, I took my figure to see why I was feeling strange there was blood on my figure. Freaked me out a little, that is why my doctor had me lie down. He was still concered over the swollen areas in time it will heal.

As for today I'm by myself I did take my first shower, which felt so good so I got a little brave and shaved my legs. Let me just say that wasn't a good idea, I thought for sure I was having that passing out feeling, I know not a good feeling. I washed got out and put my p.j. buttoms on with a light cotten t-shirt.

This my short update for today, after my experince in the shower and having lunch by myself I'm going to have myself a nice nap. There isn't much I can do, I would like to wash the dishes but my body is saying not yet. I really need to work on that. Sheesh!